That's too bad, it's not good to live like that. I don't know your circumstances, but I have found that living a life where you cannot express your true feelings is very difficult, it takes a toll on you emotionally, mentally and physically. It's also hard to maintain the fiction that you are a happy and dedicated JW, the truth starts to come out in ways you don't expect. Whatever you reasons for staying, you have to allow for the possibility that it is going to be difficult to do this long term. You have to balance the loss of friends and family against the cost to you of living a lie. You might want to do some planning and preparation, just in case it becomes impossible to keep up the fiction.
There is no question that it's difficult to go through being disfellowshipped or a dissociation, but it can also be a great relief, and there are many benefits to living life on your own terms.