I have no Real Friends!

by stuckinarut2 57 Replies latest jw friends

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  blondie

  I have no real friends....a realization that took 10 years of my last time associated with the jws. My knowing it did not make it happen...I realized that in this case the truth definitely set me free. I realized that if I wanted people to stop punching me in the face, I had to stand out of punching range. It gave me the impetus to see what a true friend was and what kind of healthy friendships I could develop. In my case, my best friend, my husband came to this same realization about the same time. We have made a few good friends worth more than all the people in the WTS organization.

  I remember what a jw said during a public talk about loving your neighbor as yourself, meant first and foremost loving yourself. The WTS knows to say it even if they don't practice it.

  *** w01 8/15 pp. 4-5 Making Your Youth a Success ***

  The Bible advises you to “love your neighbor as yourself.” You need to love yourself in the sense of caring for yourself and having a healthy measure of self-respect, not too much and not too little. Why does that help? Well, if you do not feel good about yourself, you may be overcritical of others, which gets in the way of good relationships. But balanced self-worth is a platform on which you can build strong friendships.—Matthew 22:39.
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  Billy the Ex-Bethelite

  I think I was prepared for the fact that my JW friends would no longer be a part of my life when I faded, because when I left bethel the hundreds of people that I used to be so close to just disappeared from my life. And for those that I thought we really had a close friendship after years together in bethel or in the congregation? In reality, it was a friendship of convenience. In both cases, when I really thought about the fact that none of them had reached out to me to keep in touch, I thought, "Do I want to reach out to them and try to keep in touch?" The answer came quickly, "Not really." There are billions of people in the world. I can make new and better friends.
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  Quarterback

  My best friend is my wife. Isn't that the same for you?
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  sparrowdown

  I know how you feel. The WT are masters at making sure people are kept so busy with

  gaining brownie points for god that there is no room in that for any kind of real/authentic human connection.

  That is something the cong excels at, making people feel alone in a crowd.

  In a similiar vein to what blondie was saying, I only started feeling better once stopped putting them

  first and started looking after me.
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  problemaddict

  Hey Rut,

  I completely feel you. I used to feel like one thing i was giving up, was a community of good friends that genuinly were good people and that I got along with. In fact, I have been able to keep some of the closer friendships I have had.

  But the rest........all leaving. Slowly but surely. a couple rumors about apostacy, a couple stories unconfirmed, and you are now bad news.

  I usully don't call JW's a cult, but one cult like notion, is that your friendships are all conditional based on your relationship with the "leader". So as that relationship fails.....so does your friendships.
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  DesirousOfChange

  I am your friend. ~ DD

  DATA-DOG, you get the award for best reply so far.

  Doc
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  earthfire

  I totally have been there, but you will make new, better, real friends. It just takes time.

  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zEvoKVrrhf4
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  Mum

  To make friends, you have to meet people. I suggest volunteer work, joining a club, taking a class, or any activity where you interact with others. It's just a matter of time. Life - be in it!
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  voodoo lady

  As predicted, most will turn away from you if you reveal your true thoughts because of what they stand to lose if they don't (whether real or imagined).

  But sometimes people surprise you. I've always found that in a crisis, there are people who stand by you no matter what. It may not be who we're counting on (which is the sad part) but there will be real flesh and blood people there who care about how you feel - ones you may not expect. Until a friendship is tested, it's a mystery.
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  etna

  Stuckin, I know what you mean. I was born in and had lifetime f+riends, but I also had "worldly" friends. And the so called worldly friends are unconditional friends. I also say to my kids that are still in that I love them no matter what!!!!

  Etna