Advice Needed

HeyThere

So my situation is changing and I am trying to figure out the best way for me to handle this. I am an unbaptized publisher married to a dub who was inactive when we met and when we married and during the course of our marriage, and just went back active a year and a half ago. He is a full believing dub. I was Ok participating in the religion but now that I know so many dirty secrets I am over it and will never be a dub. I can't even sit thru a talk or read a pub without seeing all the manipulation. And the clear brain washing of the members saddens me.

I have been studying but want to stop. I plan on simply telling the sister I study with that I need time to consider my questions.

One of my in-laws will be speaking to the elders about the issues I discussed with her relating to child sex u all abuse. She is very bothered by these things and was previously unaware. Also the donation change.

My husband spoke with the cobe about my doubts. He wanted to see if the elder could help him help me understand.

I want to withdraw my status as an unbaptized publisher but not be labeled an apostate. My thought was to say I need more time for study and respond "I am seeking God's answers." To any doctrine question they may ask. I just don't want to cause problems for my husband. What do you recommend?

bafh

If you start fading - slowly stop going to meetings and out in service less and less, you can over time avoid confrontation. If you have meetings with the elders, be appreciative, and agreeable and thank them for all of their work. If you want to avoid that, then when they ask to meet with you, just let them know that you did research and got your questions answered so everything is fine and you feel everything is resolved. Leave it at that and do not mention your doubts again. Just do a slow fade. The tricky part will be your husband. But technically, since you are not baptized, you cannot be an apostate since that only applies to people who have been baptized.

~ bafh

kneehighmiah

Stop mentioning your doubts to anyone. Just stop attending. Since youe not baptized they will leave you alone. However if you attempt to spread doubts to others, they will be forced to deal with you.

This is my tigersuit

do not speak of doubts, to anyone. fade out. though youre not baptized, you'll be viewed as an apostate. sadly you'll already be viewed negatively since you'de be not attending meetingsand you're the "unbelieving" mate, but maybe if youre careful you wont be labeled "apostate"

HeyThere

I just want to clarify the only person. I freely spoke to was my husband...With my in law and the sister I study with it was posed as questions because of the article I read. Then I had a list of doctrine questions I had, which I shared with in law and study sister but all can be framed all answer seeking except my convos with husband...which I will stop. I told him today that we just shouldn't talk religion anymore...study sister is supposed to be researching stuff to answer my questions but I am done. I will go to the meetings to support my spouse and keep peace but even then if they start shunning me I want him to see it. If they mark me I want him to see it. He doesn't believe they will care.

HeyThere

Oh, and with my in law she approached me because my husband had mentioned it to her, so she asked me what the article was and wanted me to tell her what I had discovered.

HeyThere

One more thing, the elders wife and daughter both were normal with me this week...So maybe a clean fade is possible?

This is my tigersuit

i really hope things go ok for you! one note: i dont want to scare you but do NOT underestimate how fast they will turn on you. they are programmed to do that.

HeyThere

Thanks tiger, I am prepared for it. I also have the benefit of not being vested in the hall and having most of my friends and family not dubs. Thank goodness. I really feel for all of those who had so much family in. My husband is the only one that can impact my life significantly.

Xanthippe

I'm glad most of your family aren't in the religion HeyThere. You have a good support system. Your marriage is important and beliefs run deep so softly softly sounds good.

Perhaps you could stop FS on the basis of you don't feel it's right to preach something you're not sure of but without the formal need to announce to anyone you are stopping? I like the idea of sometimes going with your husband to meetings to show him how their attitudes to you will change which they will.

Advice Needed

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