An old JW friend of mine died on Saturday, and I used to be best friends with her JW husband. We were close friends for 14 years. I was like his daughter. I was family to them. That is, until I left JWs last year. He then cut me away as a friend. However, I stayed friends with the non-JW actual daughter via Facebook, although I never really knew her that well.
Facebook is how I found out about Lucy's death. I tried to call the survivors but I didn't have their numbers. No call from my ex best friend, nothing. Until today. He must have called me in a fit of emotion and got my voicemail, so I called him back after work. I was apprehensive about having to call him - after all, if I'm completely shunned, I know exactly where I stand, and that's a loose end tied up. It weighed on my mind as I drove home, and I was awash with wondering where I actually do stand. I'm not dfd or da, but shunned as an 'apostate'.
So I call the grieving widower back, and offer my assistance and condolences, which he accepted with a stilted grace. But then he asks, "How did YOU find out about Lucy's death?" I told him his daughter told me. Wasn't going to say she posted it on Facebook and I found out that way. Then he wraps up the conversation because he 1) is genuinely emotionally exhausted; and 2) where I stand must still be as worse than a pedophile. Bear in mind we were close as father and daughter for 14 years. We always went witnessing, to conventions, and to coffee shops together, for 14 years. So I was as close as family and not some well wisher on the street.
In view of this close relationship for over a decade, I could not have possibly expected him to end the conversation like this (after begging off for being tired, which I understand): "Thanks for showing an interest."
Like I'd called to enquire about the soup of the day.
I'd rather he'd never called me.