I left the JW's 11 years ago and even though I never looked back I'm constantly concerned about the things I do. For example, my wife's family is fairly devout in their faith (catholic) and therefore I occasionally have to attend their church, and I am always riddled with guilt upon entering and participating in the services. Also, every time some calamity occurs around the world I am always wondering if "this is the beginning of the end"? I have read about all the false prophesies(sp) and illegal activities in the organization, but I'm still conflicted.
Does anyone else out there feel this way? My eyes are open and I have no intention of closing them, but guilt is a powerful tool, and the organization uses it well - they have lots of practice (haha).
I just found this site recently and didn't realise there were soooo many stories out there. Throw a little comfort my way will ya?
Nice to meet you, this is a good place to talk, etc. Many stories.
JT's right - guilt is a powerful tool. I was raised a Catholic, the guilt of venial and/or mortal sin and the real fear of Hellfire does a lot to keep millions in line.
The WTBTS just puts a different spin on it. They build guilt into everything we do. Everything is a decision to make - and the fear is built into that of displeasing Jehovah or Jesus and dying eternally at Armageddon or a natural death with no resurrection.
The WTBTS puts an added guilt factor that the Catholic's missed somehow. If you have young children and sin/leave the org. - you alone will be responsiblity for the eternal deaths of your own lovely children at Armageddon - which the WTBTS states is eternally right around the corner.
One time I revisited my Catholic Church where I attended for 18 years. Beautiful place - but I was constantly looking over my shoulder for demons to jump out. Did I mention the WTBTS tool of fear?
I recognise the syndrome, it`s the part of your mind that still carries some imprinting that surfaces under a stressor.
The stressor was drip-fed into you via 5 weekly meetings, JW prayers and Kingdom melodies. Basically, you have been programmed to associate bad news with fulfillment of JW prophesy. The result is that your mind is giving you warning signals that something bad is about to happen to you, probably at the hand of God.
Recognising this fact is the first step, so you are on your way! I realised that I had overcome my imprinting when a JW stood on my doorstep telling me what a dreadful place this world is to live in.
I heard myself say: "THE FACT THAT THERE ARE THINGS WRONG IN THE WORLD DOESN`T MAKE YOU RIGHT!"
Ah, yes....guilt. How well I remember the guilt. I couldn't go back to the Hall, but I was terrified that perhaps I had made the wrong decision and that I was about to be struck down at any moment.
The best cure I have found is to get out and live. If you feel that you want to pray to God...do so. You will NOT be ignored simply because you are not an active JW.
If you feel that you want to celebrate Christmas or birthdays...do it. You will NOT be struck dead. Nor will you be taken over by demons by going to see the re-release of The Exorcist, or by reading Stephen King.
The more real life you experience, the less guilt you will feel. If you fear the monster under your bed, grab your flashlight and take a look for yourself.
It's refreshing to find confirmation after all this time. I left because it just didn't feel right, not because I found contradictory evidence (that came later). Little threads of suspicion were always lingering, every time some small thing seemed to fit into their way of thinking I would question myself, "What if they really are right?"
I finally came to the conclusion that was a real breakthrough for me:
Even if they are right I would rather become nonexistant at Armaggedon than live forever constantly worrying and second guessing every minor decision in my life - forever.
Now that I came to this reality, all that's left is to confirm what I think I already know - THEY ARE WRONG.
I have been reading about WTBS history and it's like a great weight has been lifted - all this doctrine and their whole belief system is based upon MEN - not DEVINE inspiration.
I think all I needed was to get all this out. I need to thank the people on this board for making this available to me.
I don't know if some facts will help, regarding our "time of trouble." From Jesus time until about 1850 the average life span increased from 35 years to about 50 years. Since then it had increased to 75 years. There is no difference between the number of earthquakes and volcanic eruptions before and after 1914.
Sure, we have had our major problems, but taken over the long term, there has been a steady improvement in the human condition, not a decline.
I hope this will be the first of many posts for you. You see this forum acts as an outlet for many of us, and helps us overcome the emotional or subconscious conditioning that we have all been subjected to.
Your emotional mind has not yet caught up with your thinking mind and therefore a conflict occurs when faced with certain situations. Time is the great healer but talking with others who have experienced the same conditioning speeds up the process. It's good that you recognize the discomfort in yourself and can talk about it. Everything has a beginning. Religion is an emotional experience. You joined for emotional reasons and emotions don't change just because we change our minds they have to be altered at a deeper level. Never ignore those feelings, they are your emotional minds way of talking to you - asking for conformation that the original instructions you gave it have now been changed. Listen to those feelings, answer them and you will move forward.
I really need to get this stuff out - I can't talk to my family, even though we all "came out", my mother doesn't want to talk about it and my brothers and sister were young enough that they weren't as fully "programmed" as I was. And I can't really express to my wife what I'm going through - she's understanding, but I need to talk to someone who's been there.
It took a long time to for me to even think about finding the real truth - I still didn't want to read apostate material, didn't want to do anything to bring reproach on the society, and I was seriously concerned that I don't do anything to get DFed in case I needed to return. For 11 years I felt this way, just recently have I come to the conclusion that I dont care anymore and I need to purge myself of all the misinformation that has been the bane of my existance for far too long!
Again thanks for all you kind words - typewriiten comfort is better than none at all. :D
I think another thing you can do, is go to places that were forbidden, like large ornate churches. It can desensitize you to the negative emotions that have been conditioned into you to the point that anxiety becomes an automatic response. When you do this, I think that the tension you feel will start to evaporate.
