I love my life, I don't want to die (page 2)

NAVYTOWN

My best, tho probably unwelcome, advice is to have no more kids after the upcoming one. Sounds like you can hardly afford the girls you have already. You need to face financial reality, it would seem. Sorry if this is something you don't want to hear. It's my honest opinion. Best of luck with everything. I hope your future goes well.

Perry

Praying is good. Prayer is one of life's greatest weapons. God listens to the humble. He listens more to those that believe him. He is against the proud. It's just about that simple.

hybridous

Once I was past the notion that I would 'Live Forever', I embraced the role of Fatherhood.

Since what the JWs taught/imposed upon me was demonstrably false, I sought another, concrete meaning for my life.

I am hung upon the idea that the role as parent renders you immortal, as the effects for your choices will echo in the world far after you are gone.

There's no need to be afraid of losing life, since your kid(s) will live past you. There's no need FEAR anything, there's only what others have convinced you to be afraid for - most likely to validate their OWN feelings.

Jeannette

You are not going to die. You're going through emotional upset right now, but it will all be okay. You are not going to die. And there is nothing wrong with praying to your Creator. Someone created you and this fantastic, fabulous earth, it wasn't Jehovah because he seems to be a destroyer. But pray to your Creator to help get you through this.

losingit

I hear you about not having another kid-- tubal ligation all tge way. I had a choice with this child, to keep it or not. I am 36 going on 37. I had a miscarriage about 4 years ago when I was still with my husband. It was devastating bc that baby was planned and loved so much even before it was conceived. I had a choic, and I wanted a third child for quite some time. The baby came in a mnth when I was extremely careful with contraception on the VERY FEW occasions I was intimate with my bf. How could I deny this child life?

Yes, I think Im suffering from anxiety. When I was a jw I definitely did not suffer from worrying about death, maybe some depression that I couldn't quite explain the reason. Now I know it was cognitive dissonance. I'm seeing a therapist now but Im too embarrassed and ashamed to open up about such atopic. I started to, but ccouldn't continue. The embarrassment shuts me up.

losingit

Hybridous-- I wish my ex husband would see fatherhood as you do. I don't understand what happened to him. When he was a jw and we were still married, he was such an excellent father , hands on, present, caring, lovng, funny. A really great father. Heknows how to do my girls ' curly hair! My girls miss him so much. I miss him too, as their father .

But since the dissolution of the marriage, he has disappeared financially, emotionally, spiritually. The change incharacter is shocking. My oldest cant even accept what's happening withoit crying. My youngest feels the trauma deep inside her. It is disorienting. Idk how to describe how much his abandonment hurts us all. We are destitute without him. There is no peace.

Mum

To some degree at least, I think your fears may be normal. I remember thinking about many things that could go wrong when I was pregnant. But everything turned out fine. i'm sure your therapist has heard much worse than what you're saying. If you trust her/him, open up to her/him. Your anxiety and stress could be hard on your children, too. If you need to leave the kids with a family member for a few hours so you can relax, meditate, or work through some issues, do it!

Fear is crippling. You are not really "alive" if you're fearful all the time. If it would help you to pray, don't worry about it. Do it. Do whatever (as long as it's legal and moral) you need to do to feel better. Your therapist should be able to help you figure out the root of your insecurities. Do you have worries about having enough money to support yourself and your children? Are you anxious about the well being of your children?

Best wishes. Take care of yourself.

Mum

Band on the Run

When I was young, I felt bad if I went home to my mom. I was part of the don't trust anyone over thirty generation. My college classmates appeared very sufficient. I stayed in the NY area not for NY but to be near mom. I took a psych course and discovered that adolescene extends into thirty today. I also found out in time that one of my classmates spending the night with her lover was actually sleeping in her bedrom at her parents' residence in Brooklyn Heights. Children need money. There may be a way to negotiate distance from your family. When I became ill, my mom and I saw a social worker at a teaching hospital.

I found out when I was ill and could not afford one prescription that the nurses were proficient in using Chinese herbs. You can't take Valium, Xanax, etc. now. I know there is quite a body of work dealing with forms of anxiety. It is very scary.

losingit

I do worry about providing for my girls and their future, and not just financially. My dad was a major hard core alcoholic when I was a little girl. I didn't talk to him til Iwas in college. I still remember the first time he said I love you to me. It was my sophomore year in college. He was incredibly abusive to my mom. While things are significantly better in our family bc he's stopped drinking, the scars are still there. I didn't want my girls to sufferthru a childhood without their father present. Now he's gone. I am mourning for their loss. I am internalizing that pain. I want him to.come back to our girls. He won't.He chooses instead to blame everything that's happened on me. His hands are clean.

LoisLane looking for Superman

losingit ... Congratulations on your 5 month pregnancy! Of course you are scared Dear Heart. You are a mother already of two beautiful girls. They wouldn't be anything else, now would they? They will remember this time too. Give them happy memories if you can. Their little world is changing too. They possibly will follow your lead and look to you to see if this is a happy summer they will remember, or is this the beginning of the "horrible times" they will block out and want to forget in their future.

Now relax, like Aunt LoisLane says. Breathe in... breathe out. Breathe in... breathe out. Now shake your hands. Yes, shake your hands. Shake your arms, shake it, shake it. lol There, do you feel a little better? lol

We all want a nice contented, happy mommy, with happy, contented daughters and a happy child that is waiting for your arms and your love.

You are having anxiety about many things, and rightly so.

I am sorry you have to delve into your retirement/emergency fund to survive financially right now.

I am sorry you don't have a man around to love and be loved by.

I am sorry the fantasy of someone listening to spoken or unspoken words of prayer, is just that, a fantasy. Children speaking out, asking, begging for water or food or love... they are talking to the air. It might help them to think there is someone that will magically help them, but we both know, sadly what the truth is, and that is thousands of children die every day.

This nightmare that you are going through losingit , shouldn't be happening to you or anyone for that matter.

Your JWN group is here for you. We are giving you a Great Big Group Hug Right Now. ((((((((((((((((((( losingit )))))))))))))))))))

PM me or others. It is cruel to feel all alone.

Love from LoisLane

I love my life, I don't want to die

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