Andre Gide – “ Its is better to be hated for what you are than loved for what you are not.”
The words of wisdom from the deceased French author echo through my mind every day, and they make me think, would the people in my congregation give me their unconditional love if I was not doing well in the congregation “spiritually”?
Spiritually as in giving well in the congregation, making nice comments, doing parts in the service meeting, reading during the book study on stage, working at the literature counter, and recently becoming a servant.
Of the 20 or so young ones in the hall only me and 4 others are progressing “Spiritually”. I’ve seen the way brothers and sisters have treated those in the hall that aren’t progressing and don’t take the “truth” seriously. Lets take the example of Scott (names have been changed).
Scott and I have been best friends since we were born in our congregation, of all the dysfunctional and emotionally messed kids in our circle we were the only ones that seemed sane. We’d sleep over each other’s houses all the time, then as we hit our teen years, I believed that this organization was really god’s channel and I became very zealous, and got baptised at 12 years old. Scott had expressed to me that he didn’t want to be a witness and he decided not to get baptised. He wanted to play football instead.
During high school he started as a varsity running back on his football team. My entire family warned me that I shouldn’t associate with him as close as I used to. And since I thought I was in the “truth”, I Listened and Obeyed, and became depressed.
One day after the meeting on Sunday me, my brother, and my cousin were at home playing playing Madden(The American football video game). My cousin (a servant at the time) was speaking wrecklessly and said I wonder if Scott will be in the NFL one day, then he started to joke about how he’d die at Armaggedon after scoring a touch down. Him and my brother chuckled and I lost control of my emotions and pinned him on the floor and started punching him in the face.
Fast forward 6 years later to now, one Saturday I decided to sleep in and skip service. Then my sister blew up my phone and talked to me about how missing service(I only missed one Saturday in like 8 months) is so bad. She proceeded to tell me how bad Scott was and she didn’t want me to be like him. I Shattered my bedroom window in anger, and blood oozed from all the cuts on my arm.
After receiving stitches I’d be my regional assembly the next weekend faking a smile and greeting brothers and sisters who’d only love me conditionally. Short thereafter I’d graduate high school and my friend Scott got a full ride to play D-1 football at Temple.
When ever I get love bombed by people at my hall I am no longer surprised after the loads of CS the Apostate & John Cedars videos I have viewed. I could be living a double life as fornicator, idolator, a murderer, yet as long as a prepare my meeting, give nice comments, parts and talks along with service time I am a beautiful person that people love. Yet I see all my friends who haven’t taken the step toward baptism, or have progressed “spiritually” get treated like shit! If I hadn’t awaken at the time I did, I don’t think I’d still be alive today.
- Love From your Hokage
Yondaime