Female Perspective about WTS, marital relationship & control

by Muddy Waters 30 Replies latest watchtower beliefs

• 

  hoser

  Your analysis of the situation makes perfect sense Muddy Waters. The watchtower corporate culture breeds such insecurities in people that they can't handle NOT to be controlling somehow.

  When a jw finally stands up for themselves these controllers can't handle the situation. It is almost like they self-destruct. This has brought to an end many a marriage and many long term friendships(which really were not friendships at all ie conditional).

  I have family members like this, and as soon as myself and mrs hoser started thinking for ourselves and looking out for OUR best interest these relatives of ours have started on the course of trying to dissuade us and even doing/saying things that make us suspicious of each other in our marriage.

  I am so thankful that mrs hoser and I are on the same page financially, emotionally, and spiritually that we can ride out the storm.

  And if the manipulators don't get their way with us they think that shunning will cause us to crave their association. Good luck with that!

  hoser (of the I can see though the bullshit class)
• 

  zeb

  Hi MW

  I just came across your article.

  I am an older male which is just about a felony in Australia these days and i found myself agreeing 105%   with what you say and have moved your item to my favs list.

  Yes 'not allowed to think' i connected to that one  many years ago .

  In those times i believed that the 'truth' would advance if every elder and by default all the gb suddenly had four kids.One would be handicapped, another hyperactive another asthmatic and the fourth would be genius.

  What I have read of the life and times of bethel in the US was eye opening but not unexpected. The gb bastards have no mortgage,  have no traffic to deal with no job to have to front up to every day with the certainty that it is uncertain. Their washing is done their cleaning is done their meals are done and dishes done. talk about privileged princes! and they have no hobby to invigorate hands or minds.

  and they have the gall to enter marital bedrooms..
  

  Well thanks for your article
  

  love big hugs

  to you and yours

  zeb
  

  
  
• 

  Bugbear

  Muddy Waters

  I totaly agree with you but there is other aspects of this male/female questions. Here is comment I just left on another thread:

  Interesting thread….

  In my case I faded and Dfd. Over 15 years ago. But my wife still in. I think she knows about the TTATT, but doesn’t want to speak about it (cognitive dissonance?).. Here is my theory about why…

  There is a small difference between males and females… Females know that they are responsible for given birth to children!. They often also understand what is expected from them, to raise these children and keep them alive till they can take care of themselves. This is of course an overwhelming task for a single mum. Therefore her first whishes is to find security. This in a cave with a man or in a female cooperative !!! Unsecure women know that men can´t be trusted…They need social security and lots of “friends” that they can trust. The “sisters” in any congregation offers gladly this support. This naturally if they can have the same support in respond. This pattern of “sisterhood” is not only valid amongst humans. You could trace this amongst almost any mammals. Elephants, dohlphins, lions, chimpanzees and humans.

  The congregations offers a secure place with strict rules. Therefore it is life important that you keep to the rules, behave like your “sisters” or mums tells you, keep your veil on, your long black dress on, don´t wear tight pants…..

  This is something I have been ponder about during 20 years being the father of 4 marvelous girls..

  Any have a comment?

  Bugbear
• 

  Xanthippe

  Interesting theory. Having children does change a woman greatly. But wouldn't she feel the greatest need for security from her husband as the person who loves her, loves her children and is probably working to provide financially for those children. Wouldn't she want to follow him out rather than side with 'sisters' in the cong? Not criticising your relationship just following your argument here.
• 

  Becksi

  I agree with Xanthippe. Interesting theory Bugbear, but I feel as one of four female siblings and now married with a daughter of my own, I can weigh in on this. I do look to my husband as my partner and emotional support when needed, never have I looked to 'sisters in a congregation'. Maybe this is all down to the choosing of said marriage mate (wtbts speak, sorry!).

  Also, I come from a broken home and have every reason to think that as you say 'men can't be trusted', yet I was raised by a formidable woman to draw my own conclusions and treat everyone as an individual. She raised all four of us, without a 'man in the cave' and seemingly without a 'female cooperative'. It can be done!

  Great thread, Muddy Waters.
• 

  stan livedeath

  cock-hold----ha ha-----how true--in my case.

  back in my latter 20's--i had resigned from the religion--but my born-in wife sure had a hold on mine. she would nag me into attending a public talk once in a while. this often included a quickie beforehand. but i kept my side of the bargain.
• 

  3rdgen

  Muddy Waters,

  Your observations can be helpful to those whose wives are still in.

  I agree with your observations because I lived it. My first husband was Dfed for the second time and no longer pretended to be a JW. I was miserable trying to "save" our children from certain death from my loving God with what I saw as a terrible "Worldly influence" from their father. I was angry that he broke our JW wedding vows about a "threefold cord" with "Jehovah in our marriage" I'm embarrassed to say I threw tantrums too. For that and many other reasons the marriage ended.

  Meanwhile, I find a polar opposite of my first husband in my new congo. He he's a respected elder, kind, honest, faithful, completely unselfish. We marry and attempt to be as perfect JWs as possible. That didn't last long and is a separate story. The point is we are now both out physically and mentally and are experiencing the same freedom as INDIVIDUALS as you and our marriage has been strengthened because of it. We do not always agree but when we don't, we don't pass moral judgement on the other or try to see what the Watchtower (yuck) has to say on the subject. Like you, we are FINALLY acting like adults.
• 

  Ding

  Very interesting perspective, Muddy Waters.

  I'm glad you and your husband are free from WT control.
• 

  Phizzy

  I really relate to what you are saying Muddy, and as I think back to the person I was when I left the JW's, I realise that though 58 years old at the time, i was very childish in my attitudes.

  This naive childishness is something that the WT loves to accomplish in its R&F members, that way they are so easy to control and keep hold of, and thus keep working for the Cult, and donating to it.

  Mrs Phizzy and I have without doubt grown in respect for each other, and hence , closer, since leaving, and since growing up into adulthood.

  The WT/JW "religion" has a lot to answer for, it stunts the potential of its members to be real people.
• 

  prologos

  muddy waters you said "-- WT GB man-babies who that don't have to work---" man-babies? where is your respect for glorious ones? how do you know that their "counsel" even comes from them? are you perhaps giving them too much direct credit as it is?