I left the JWs over 17 years ago. When I left I thought the org was right but the people were wrong. Over the last few years I have done a lot of research concerning the WT org. I know realize I was wrong. The people are striving to do what is right. It is the WT org that is wrong and presents itself as the only true path to God.
When I was 12 years old the elders were informed that my step-father was sexually abusing me. He had previously sexually abused a relative of mine and she was sent to live in another city. He remained in the congregation and in my home. When the elders found out he was also abusing me I was sent to another city and he remained in the congregation. No one was ever warned to keep their children from him. He was not active in service and never got baptized. He eventually left my mother when the elders pressured them to marry. Before he left he sexually abused my yonger sister. Why my mother didn't toss him out earlier is beyond me, especially since she knew he had abused his daughters in his previous marriage.
At 16 yrs old I went to live with my mother and by the time I was 18 she pressured me to marry. I knew after two weeks this was a mistake but stayed because the religion provides no recourse to end the marriage except for adultery or death. For 15 years I tolerated this man's sexual demands of me - most of them forbidden by the JWs. When I finally went to the elders out of desperation they told me to be a good wife, be in subjection to my husband, and provide the marital "due". To cover up the possibility that he might be reproved for his abuses to me and his physical abuse to our 2 children he stepped down citing "to spend more time with my family". He did this the week before he knew I was going to the elders.
The elders disfellowshiped me for a one-time incident which turned into a rape. He was not reproved for his 15 years of abuse. No one knew what happened except that I was disfellowshipped although I an sure people talked about it. He remarried a new sister in the congregation. She was not warned of his past unacceptable sexual demands. She was not warned that he was physically abusive to his children. Everything was swept under the rug - his reputation intact - mine in tatters.
I left in shame. My mother stopped talking to me. In fact the whole family did. And they treated my 2 children who continued to live with their father like they were bad associations. My 2 innocent children were marked by the congregation because their mother was DFed. I never dreamed they would turn on my girls. After almost a year of this both girls begged to come to live with me and the court agreed.
I went into therapy to deal with the child abuse. And we talked about the spousal abuse. Both my girls got counseling. There was a lot of harm that had been done and needed to be dealt with. Slowly the 3 of us learned to hold our heads up when we passed JWs on the street or in the mall. We learned that living in fear of the condemnation fo these people meant nothing. We moved on with our lives.
During this past week and all the attention on SilentLambs I have more fully realized I am not alone. Thanks to all the child survivors and wives who have shared their stories. This problem of pedophilia in the congregation is not a new one. I knew of my case and my family but I also knew another young girl who was in our congregation. Her father was an elder and I just knew she was being abused. No one told me but I knew it. Years later it came out in the media that her father indeed had been sexually abusing her. If I recall she was DFed for her accusations. I don't recall what happend to him. But I can guess and think I would be right.
I don't even want to think about how many others there are. Bill
s site says it all. Well most likely not all. In fact what Bill has on his site is probably only the tip of the iceberg. That is a truly scary thought. For the most part the issue at the moment is pedophilia.
What kinds of numbers would we get if all the physically abused children and wives came forward. What about all those people who are married to non-believers who abuse them. What about all those closet alcoholics that bring their dysfunction to their families.
It actually makes sense that the WT org is so dysfunctional. From its early beginnings with Russell and Rutherford with sexual misconduct and alcoholism as their hidden secrets, there is no way this org could have been built on an honest and open foundation. All addictions have a foundation of secrecy. The undesirable addiction must be hidden from view. It is this mindset of fear of discovery that establishes the foundation for all theory and belief. Control becomes essential to keep the secrets hidden. Manipulation becomes the tool.
By controling the information that followers have they can then contol the thinking, feeling, and behavior of members. Just like any abusive family, the need to appear OK to outsiders reinforces the demand for the above. The more dysfunctional the family is the greater the need to hide reality and contol the members to the secrets are not disclosed.
Secrecy becomes necessary not only to appear OK to the outside world but the more dysfunctional the system becomes the great er need for individuals to believe that what they know is not what they know. This is how cognitive dissonance allows the members to know one thing and believe antoher that is contradictory to the first. A person told me years ago that when he would get up in the moring he would have to step over his father's passed out body on the kitchen floor. The father had been out drinking all night and was literally passed out. The mother always told him that dad slept there because he had a bad back. it was total nonsense and eveyone knew it but a myth developed about dad's bad back. The whole family bought into this bad back myth to explain away the fact that their alcoholic father was passed out on the floor. By continuing to believe the bad back myth the family can go about its day without having to really think about how dysfunctional/sick the family was. They could face the world with a happy face.
It seems to me that the WT org is no different.
Denial is the core part of cognitive dissonance. If I do not know what I know then I am OK. Whether this is 1 person, or 1 family; whether this is one organization or even a whole country - the basic belief becomes we do not know what we know.
It is through this denial/belief/myth that the JW org and its membership can continue to live without conscience and not reach out to help the victims of pedophiles within their ranks.
It is with this denail/belief/myth that the JW org and its members can say they didn't know how many or how damaging or that they did what they thought was right.
It is this denial/belief/myth that the WT org can DFed anyone who refuses to believe the denial/belief/myth for causing divisions or being apostate.
It is this denial/belief/myth that will force them to continue with their denial that anything is wrong. They will claim persecution from a few unhappy dissidents.
I have no idea if any of this will force the WT out of its denial. I actually doubt it. After all these years they are so entrenched in their denial/belief/myth that it might be impossible for them to be honest. The myth has a life of its own and won't allow them to know what we know. Hopefully some of the members will be able to know what they don't know and that will help them to leave. Hopefully all of the media attention will prevent potential converts from falling into this snare of Satan.
It is also this denial/belief/myth that prevents them from following the loving example of the God they profess to follow and care for the silent lambs.
I was one of those Silent Lambs.
I am Silent No More
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A not-so-silent lamb
Aspire to inspire before you expire