I stumbled upon this website a few weeks ago due to the Jw.org ridiculousness, since then I haven't been able to pull myself away. The thoughts, feelings, and concerns I have had the past few years aren't just mine. It's global. Something is wrong and it isn't with me.
I am trying to sum up some background history. I am still 'in' and active, 4th generation born in on BOTH sides. I was fortunate growing up to have great (open minded as a jw parent can get) parents, which made growing up in the KH difficult. I come from a family with significant means, 5 siblings, we were all allowed to play sports and expected to obtain a bachelors degree. You can only imagine the Harshesneses we all experienced in our 'loving christian congregation'. This formed much of my adolescent opinion of the people who shared our faith, but never doubted it was 'the truth'.
My feelings have intensely become dissatisfied once I began having children and it felt like, having kids was 'bad' as it took away time for precious service. Don't they realize the only ones coming in are 'born in'. I was contributing!! Then, we continued having children, 5 under the age of 7 with a set of twins. You can only imagine what our loving 'friends' in our congregation had to say. It takes great effort to get to the meeting and what we hear is ridiculous, no one thinks, they don't respect anyone with education because we are labeled 'worldly and greedy' (husband and I both have advanced degrees) no one can hold a decent conversation. We are so tired of hearing the end is here, tomorrow, tonite, hold on, don't live your life, do more for the ministry....JW's are some of the most depressed, unhappy, arrogant, broke, pompous people I know. Their judgements are so harsh and they are so willing to push people out, while wasting hours knocking on doors Talking to no one. We hate how we are respected in the community by 'evil wordly people' but judged and looked down on by 'Gods people'. You know, the ones who are like our family? Yea right, such BS.
I have also doubted the 1914 date for years and the GB and it's changing direction, don't question anything because you are marked and without faith, let alone setting yourself up for a JC. I grew up not trusting elders or pioneers ( thankfully, that's probably why I'm not DF'd but could be). All the secret elder info, making a jw hierarchy and people worshipping these jw 'rock stars'. Bad mouthing education, but as soon as you have a degree they can use, Bethel or the RBC will use you, while your In school they treat you like trash.
We hold no position in the hall and aren't stellar attendees due to our family, kids, and work schedules. I am slowly mentioning stuff to the hubby. I don't think it would be much to fade....I was more willing to be at meeting then him in the past. I will mainly have family pressure.... Everyone is a JW, activity level varies....I feel it's a lost cause to raise my kids in a lie, with the stigma, pressure, and they will undoubtedly not be accepted in the KH because our views are so different.
I have so many questions, this is all recent, finding such a large group of people and other websites with so much information. I believe in Jehovah and his son, but then sometimes I doubt that. I am not ready to relinquish my belief in God. But, to believe and be raised as a JW, was just a waste Of the last 37 years? I am fortunate my parents were so 'liberal' Compared to other hardcore crazy jw parents.
I am all over the place processing this information. Hello and thanks to all of you, I have been lurking and reading your stories, thoughts, and opinions And it's been wonderful. I am not alone anymore.