Waking up your spouse

by All for show 28 Replies latest jw friends

• 

  All for show

  I am aware this has to be done quite carefully, but how? While many may complain and see the hypocrisy within the KH's, maybe even with the GB, how does one bring up doctrine issues? I surely can not tell my husband to "go look what jwfacts.com says". So, how have any of you done it?

  I have been pondering things with my husband, 1914 for example. He is open to discussion but I don't want to cross that precious line and then he stops listening to me and becomes defensive. I have been fed all these 'biblical truths' I have no way of knowing anything on my own. I guess now I see I have been a lazy witness. It just seems it would be a 'he said she said' of biblical researcher opinions/interpretations.
• 

  wannabefree

  I haven't been able to do it ... it doesn't work for all.

  have a look at this recent post on jwsurvey, perhaps you will find some things useful

  http://jwsurvey.org/cedars-blog/comparing-cults-the-most-effective-way-to-wake-up-a-loved-one
• 

  sir82

  In general, arguing doctrine doesn't work well. Defensive shields go up immediately.

  Try pointing out the lack of love, then read John 13:35, then "what I see doesn't seem to match up to this".
• 

  bohm

  Afs: never discuss doctrinial issues before he is ready. The best resource i know is Steven Hassans book releasing the bonds. How has he reacted to your doubts?
• 

  Phizzy

  My advice, for what it's worth, is to sak questions and find the things that disturb him. Every person is different, and a startling revelation to one is a "so what" to another.

  But dig deep enough with any J.W and you will find something they don't like, or find strange, or whatever.

  Then offer to research that for him, " Yes, that troubles me too, I'll have to see what I can find out", copy and print the relevant material from JW Facts.Com or wherever, and then say "Hey ! look what I found for you honey, you were right!".
• 

  bohm

  how 'in' do you think he is? How might he react to a question like: i sometimes wonder why they say we should never read others litterature but others should read ours. Have you ever thought about that?
• 

  jgnat

  I followed Hassan's techniques to speak to my natural man and he is himself most of the time. He hasn't been to any meeting in over a year, and it was sporadic at best for the past three years. The approach you take all depends on what is important to him. So your first research job is not the bible but your partner! What are his hobbies, interests, dreams, talents, favourite memories?

  When I talk to my husband about a controversial topic, I preface it with, "Honey, you always...", or "I like how you...", or "Put yourself in their shoes for a moment..." Anything to elicit empathy, to think for himself.

  Since doctrine is something that Witnesses claim to care about, almost any doctrinal subject will bring up their cultic defences. Deflect all that by being real.

  There is no guaranteed way to "out" a partner. They have free will, after all. There can be more peace in the marriage if you declare "truce" and allow him to believe whatever he wants. This also holds true if he decides to exit! There's something very powerful about honoring people's choices.
• 

  DesirousOfChange

  Phizzy: My advice, for what it's worth, is to ask questions and find the things that disturb him.

  Phizzy is right!

  There are many of things that just don't add up within the JW World, but we close them off -- we refuse to think about those things.

  Your hubby is the "spiritual head". I see nothing wrong with you asking him to explain a few convoluted issues to help you understand them.

  Pick out issues or especially "local" things that disturb him too.

  The Pandora's box for us was the realization that Holy Spirit could not be involved in the decisions that were going on within the bOrganization at every level. Adulterers appointed as Elders. WTS as member of UN. Ridiculous changes in Blood Policy. And then........[drum roll]......the Overlapping Generation...........[TAHDAH!]. You have GOT to be kidding!!

  Doc
• 

  All for show

  I'll have to dig after our next meeting. I know we do not believe the Holy Spirit does any appointing, nor do we really believe in these blessings or 'modern day miracles' we hear during our meetings. Or as we like to call them, personal testimony hour. He can not stand the weakness and unloving way the elders are, the hypocrisy, and callousness to the 'lowly' ones. To sum it up, he can not stand how they talk about how loving, united, we are compared to others, when he feels we are the most UNloving group. He isnt affected by people's personal opinions in regards to his choices or views, and maintains his only concern is that of Jehovahs approval. Primarily, it's a social issues he has.
• 

  jgnat

  What do you think of private prayer and study time, you and him and the bible? He cares about Jehovah's approval, let him build a personal set of beliefs that he can really stand for. He will drift farther and farther from the WTS's doctrines the more he thinks and studies for himself.

  At some point he may just say "enough".