Coming out to the closet to your family as an "apostate". Any experiences? Your input would be greatly appreciated.

by im_free 20 Replies latest watchtower beliefs

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  rebel8

  Saying you are no longer active and you don't care to discuss it is fine, then change the subject each time they bring it up. Nope, not interested in discussing this. Hey, did you catch the game? Still no. How's Aunt Joan's arthritis? Yeah, still no--told ya, I don't wanna talk about this. Did you hear about that accident on Route 10? Seriously, I couldn't imagine discussing this with you, and I mean it--please respect my request.

  Why do you feel compelled to tell them you're an apostate, unless you want them to shun you?
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  LostGeneration

  Never say you are the A-word to anyone who you want to continue to communicate with, the JWs have loaded the language with that term.

  There are other ways to simply let them know you agree to disagree with them.
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  Apognophos

  Yes, at the very least I assume im_free would not use the "a" word. That would be painting a bull's-eye on his own chest. Seriously, though, some tension is best left unresolved.
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  bafh

  Rebel8 described exactly what I do. First, I don't bring it up. If they do, I say something like "There are some things that have really bothered my conscience. And I don't feel there is a place for me right now. I don't want to talk about it, because I don't want to be discouraging to you." So far, so good.
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  jwfacts

  Oubliette - We tell them they're in a cult. They deny it and shun us thereby proving our point, yet they fail to see this.

  That is what happens in the majority of cases, and since your mother is strong, it is what will happen to you.

  If you don't like living a lie, just tell them that you are inactive. Don't say why, no matter how much they push you. It they assume you are just weak, then they can have the hope you jump back in just before Armageddon. If you show them you believe something else, they will classify you as an apostate and view you are dead to them, not just now but eternally.
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  Phizzy

  Spot on advice as usual JWF.

  I was very lucky with my JW family, well, to a degree. In my first flush of learning TTATT I thought I could oh so easily show them what I had learned and hence wake them up. Not so.

  Where I was lucky was that they decided as long as I did nothing that would get me DF'd, they would not snitch on me to the Elders. This surprised me, as I thought they would go running straight away, but no, and one of the most indoctrinated even said that he did not believe Shunning was right ! that was an eyeopener !

  But looking back now, I would have followed your advice JWFacts, had I know where Mrs Phizzy and I would be today. We are simply excluded from all family stuff, fair enough we wouldn't attend a lot of what they do, because it is overun with Dubs, but we have great nephews and nieces we have never met. The never-a-JW members of the family have met these kids.

  Once you make it plain you are a "spiritul danger" you are virtually DF'd anyway, unless they need your services of course.

  Just becoming inactive ,non-attenders without giving reasons is the ideal, if you wish to keep family relationships somewhat normal.
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  cofty

  Let sleeping dogs lie.

  It will not end well.
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  The Searcher

  Hi I'MFREE - My wife and I have changed congs and are only attending the occasional meeting. No field service, no donations, no assemblies, and no association with any other members yet!

  This way, our families are still accessible.

  If anyone questioned us, we would simply say we have a few personal issues we have to deal with, but we'll get there.

  They will think we are "weak", but they will be happy to believe that we are still in Jehovah's earthly organization!

  We all win - except JW.ORG!

  Open your mouth to your family and EVERYONE loses - except JW.ORG!
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  joe134cd

  Best ways of dealing with dubbies is say nothing.
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  im_free

  Thanks for all your posts. It seems the advice of the overwhelming majority is to remain quiet.That is what i've been doing for all these years. Technically I'm 'inactive' and my publisher card is buried in a cong that doesn't know who I am. My family thinks that I am still active, although not as active as i once was. I think they have come to terms with that and can live with it. When we have conversations on the phone about the latest district convention, I talk as if i went. I get all the info regarding the new releases and talks from this board lol.

  I just feel the need to tell them at some point because I feel very uncomfortable with this false relationship with them. I'm trying to figure out which is better? A false peaceful relationship? or an honest damaged relationship? I think it would be a huge relief to just come out. I'm trying to see if there is a way to cushion the blow when it happens and if there is a wise way about going about it.

  Another reason why I would like to clear the air is to share my newfound freedom and liberation in Jesus with them somehow. The fact that it is not a legalistic exercise in self righteousness but a life that is free from condemnation. The fact that it transcends religion. i know this will not go over very well but it is what it is and I feel the burden to speak up. Again thanks for all your input