baby or no baby?

Dudu

That is the question for the next months ... I am 32 and I will turn 33 on December....I am freaking out!!! My hubby and I have no children and we are not looking for one right now because im studying a masters. I will finish subjects in June and after that I will write my thesis (6 more months). I need an advise. I have never been pregnant, I dont know if I can have kids and im feeling old. But at the same time I have worked hard for this masters and i ve got this far. I have 2 jobs + im studying , some people say it s too much for a pregnant woman, others say I ll be fine. So girls, what would you advise to me???

Simon

No advice ... just a couple of things:

You could complete a masters at any time, you can't have a baby later in life (and the risks increase as you get older)

Few people say "I wish I'd spent more time at work!" when they are old. Most value family more.

But the decision has to be what's right for you.

NAVYTOWN

I'm a guy but my advice would be to finish your masters first, then think about having a baby. Your mid-30s is not too old to start a family. Just be very realistic in considering the time and emotional commitment having an infant requires. Whatever you decide, best wishes!!

JWdaughter

Do you actually want kids? Soon would be a good time to start-biologically. It might not do your career any good-but women get past that all the time. You have a little over a year before you are done with thesis (if all goes as you plan. Don't get too comfy with any plans you make).

I had a baby at 33. No biggie. It's not really old in this day and age-but its also a good time to get on with your biological plans. Do not try to get through a pregnancy with 2 jobs and your final classes/thesis on the line. If you can't stop working, you really don't have time for a baby anyway. Prioritize your life-its more than just your thesis. You don't/shouldn't work 24/7. You will retire in 30 years and it will be too late for kids.

Can I suggest a simple test from your doctor to measure your fertility levels/baby readiness? I don't think it is exhorbitantly expensive and it will give you an idea of if you have the luxury of time in this.

What do you want to do after your thesis? Anything exciting or particularly challenging? (now I am just being nosy and interested in you!)

The worst thing about pregnancy after a certain age is having it called a geriatric(!) pregnancy. Oy!

If you quit work when you are doing your thesis, I don't think a pregnancy would be that overwhelming. Don't try to do that and your job(s). I know women who have gone through residencies and/or medical/law school while raising a family. Don't count out the idea of a thesis after or during a pregnancy or while raising a family.

You are doing awesome this far! I see no reason why that would not continue with or without a family.

Mum

This is an intensely personal matter. I won't offer advice other than to tell you that the older I get the more my family, especially my direct descendants, means to me. You need to decide what your priorities are because, once you have a child, that child is Priority 1 24/7.

Do you have friends and/or family who can help with child care? I think that will be necessary if you're going to finish your degree and write your thesis.

Best wishes.

clarity

Dudu......this is coming from experience.

.

Motherhood is only a half a lifetime job.

What do I mean by that?

In your case being only 32, you have time on

your side yet. Remember your children will be

starting their own life and moving out at

about 20yrs old........you will still be in your

50's and longing to have your own career!

So do you want to be just going back to school

then..... or finish your education now, have

it done with, and perhaps get your foot in the

door & keep working some hours while you raise

your family.

Maybe finish what you started.

clarity

garyneal

I had my children fairly 'late' in life. First one at 29, second at 35, third at 39. Since the first one was not with my wife, she and I have only the other two together (we married when I was 32) and with the other two being girls my wife wants to try for a boy but at 43 I am very relunctant. Do I really want to have a teenager in my house in my early sixties?

I would wait until I at least had my Master's degree finished if I were in your shoes but the older you are when you have them, the older you'll be before they are grown. Sometimes I honestly can't say who is better off, the person who had his or her kids early in life and is now enjoying the freedom of an empty nest in his or her fourties or the person who put off family for college and career and is now saddled with small children in his or her fourties but better able to handle it financially.

ruderedhead

You and your husband need to take some time to talk about this.

Is having children something the two of you have always wanted? Is it what you both still want? How many? Are you financially ready to have a child, or would waiting until you finish place you in a better position?

I assume that if you're working on a Masters and working 2 jobs (both part time?),you have a financial need, possibly to eliminate taking out too much in student loans?

You will be done in 1 year, and you will have just turned 34. I had my last child at 36. I had much more patience with her than the other 3.

After talking with your husband, you should make an appoinment for you both to go talk to your ob/gyn and discuss your concerns as far as health issues/ability to become pregnant, any risk factors. They should be able to answer your questions, and will more than likely do an exam . But do this soon if you decide you both want a child.

Consider finishing what you have started first, and, if you both want children, start trying about 2 months before you're done with your thesis. Since you have never experienced a pregnancy, you don't know how your body will react. Have you heard of morning sickness? It could interfere with what you are trying to accomplish if your head is in the commode a couple hours/day. You may have very little change, but you have nothing to go on.

All the best to you on your journey!

ShirleyW

Something tells me you're not quite ready, since that's a matter between you and your husband. Everyone's situtation is different, there are some women who were finishing up there education and were able to handle a baby plus school without too many problems and then there are those that probably struggled and wish they had waited.

berrygerry

Dudu:

33 is not old. Believe me.

After 3 wonderful children, my wife suffered through 2 miscarriages.

She desperately needed to have more children because of the miscarriages.

So, I consented to 2 more.

She was 45 at the birth of our 5th.

There is an absolute risk of Downs and other genetic anomalies with older ages.

The challenge that I raise with becoming pregnant in your 40's is more the lack of energy that is required in parenting.

Babies are exhausting (and expensive), especially when you have 2 or 3 in diapers at the same time.

Are they worth it?

Absolutely. Nothing turns you into a better human being than being a parent.

Research the CRITICAL importance of folic acid for all ages, but especially for older (? - not in 20's) gals, as well as taking PreTerna.

If, at the time you decide to conceive, and you are using chemical contraceptives (the pill), discontinue it's use for at least a month (make buddy wear a trenchcoat in the meantime) before that very memorable night.

During pregnancy, NO CAFFEINE OR ALCOHOL OR NICOTINE.

FINISH YOUR MASTER'S FIRST.

Dr. GerryBerry

PS: And, listen to classical music during your pregnancy. Trust me. (Music is the heart and soul of humanity.) Mozart and Tchaikovsky are amazing IMO. (I love rock BTW, but classical is to rock, what arithmetic is to algebra - Pink Floyd excepted.)

baby or no baby?

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