Feeling sad over a wasted life in watchtower

by wannaexit 70 Replies latest jw friends

  • Pete Zahut
    Pete Zahut

    There's no difficulty in life that can't be made even worse with a little guilt, regret and the comparing of oneself to others.

    My biggest regret in life is that I'm not someone else, especially when I start comparing myself to others.

    But if I look closely enough I realize that there are quite a few experiences I had and things in my life today that I wouldn't have if my past been different than it was. I also realize that had my past been different, I may likely be ruminating over a whole different set of regrets.

    Sometimes in order for things to change for the better, you have to create an uncomfortable vacuume. You have to burn the old forrest down so that a new and better species of trees will grow. Typically this process isn't pretty or comfortable and is often accompanied by doubt and regret.

    If one looks hard enough, one can find ants at any picnic however if a person can find even one thing in their life that they wouldn't change for the world, then their life hasn't been a waste of time. Sometimes regretting the things one didn't do, is preferable to regretting things that one has done.

  • FreeGirl2006
    FreeGirl2006

    I can relate to your feelings also. I consider myself on the second journey of my life and as I peel the layers of Dubdom off I replace them with new experiences that I would have missed out on in my former life as a JW captive. I left in my late 30s and that is making me savor my freedom even more.

  • sparrowdown
    sparrowdown

    There is only one thing worse than spending twenty years as a JW, and that is spending twenty one.

    Be glad you're not still there brainwashed, clueless and trapped.

  • DwainBowman
    DwainBowman

    I really woke up early last year. 54 years down the drain. I so wish i had woke up so long ago. The sad thing to me is, I am pretty beat up health wise, and still stuck pretending. But I am close to the breaking point in so many ways! And so tired of this game, and the wasted life, that I gave to the borg!

    Dwain

  • WTWizard
    WTWizard

    Preparing for retirement is something the jokehovian witlesses are told not to do. They are not supposed to reach that age in this system, which of course continues until they are something like 90. At which point, they are still supposed to pious-sneer instead of retiring. And, that means wasted opportunities. For starters, had you got a decent job back in 1980 instead of pious-sneering, you had the potential to save in silver. At that point, silver prices were tumbling and headed for a long period around 4-5 toilet papers per ounce. For a few toilet papers, you could have bought several rounds of silver per week. Buy just 5 per week during this period, you could have stored the equivalent of 10 monster boxes of silver. And that's just with the money you wasted pious-sneering, not including what you could have earned.

    Now, that might not seem like a big deal. But, once the dollar becomes toilet paper soon, it is going to blow up in your face. Yes, you can start putting money into silver. However, earning opportunities are gone, and you already wasted money on Worldwide Damnation Fund donations, suit dry cleanings, gas, and Grand Boasting Session expenses. That is when those 5 ounces per week of lost silver is going to hurt the most--after hyperinflation. With the shortage they are creating (each day they hold down prices of silver, they are making the coming shortage worse because people will buy at these low prices and no one is going to mine it), prices could go well above the gold price--one reasonable estimate is the equivalent of 7,000 toilet papers (January 1, 2014 value toilet papers) per ounce. That donation cost you the equivalent of a brand new upscale car per week!

    The best thing you can do now is to take advantage of what little chance you still have and invest in silver while it is still ridiculously low priced. You might not end up with 5,000 ounces you were suckered into wasting with jokehovian expenses. But, even if you only manage to stack 25 ounces, that is 25 ounces more than you had before. That will buy you nearly 9 months (and that assumes prices similar to what the denarius was at in ancient Rome, where a silver dime's worth of silver was a fair day's wage) or more before financial calamity. And that is better than your friends that have most of their assets in toilet paper denominated instruments that will soon become worthless--though you still lost out on those 10 monster boxes because of the washtowel.

    To add, no this will not make up for the missed non-material opportunities. Such as times spent just relaxing, going to amusement parks or wherever else you choose, or watching cartoons as you choose (or whatever else you see fit). This site is a good place, though, to start deprogramming from the jokehovians. You lost on a lot of holiday fun--while everyone else was having a merry Christmas, you had a dreary one being stressed about all those decorations and music. And much of that time is irreplaceable. You cannot go back to 1980 and rerun your life without the washtowel. About all you can do is pick up now and start now--let the jokehovian witlesses have their dreary Christmas and their crappy New Year, and laugh at them while they are wasting their time in field circus while you enjoy the holidays.

    Or worse, you can sit back and laugh at them this coming spring when they waste the money going to Israel on the stupidest mission of all time. Just look online at all the tensions they are getting themselves into. Go and look up the Mea Shearim region of Jerusalem in the safety of your home, while the jokehovian idiots have to go door to door preaching to high ranking rabbis. Or when they get in trouble for preaching to minors, illegal in Israel. And, best of all, the money you save can be used to purchase more silver, while they are wasting the equivalent of a monster box going on that stupid trip. Just as they are returning, the dollar becomes toilet paper. Those who are hounding you and were trying to hound you into selling out are stranded in Tel Aviv because airports in America are closed because no one is willing to work for toilet papers. And they are going to lose everything. At least you will have your silver, as little as it may be, while they have nothing--and the chance to start anew.

  • laverite
    laverite

    I had a lot of pressure put on me to quit school at 16 and get a GED instead of continuing with high school. Somehow I resisted enough so that I finished high school on schedule. I wound up going to college through much sacrifice and without any support from family whatsoever. It was a mighty struggle, but I constantly had to pinch myself. I couldn't believe I was getting to do what I dreamed of doing. Even though I was alone in the world and effectively without family. I was somehow following my dream against the odds.

    There were so many times when I felt cheated out of the first 18 years of my life. Raised in a nutty religion, going door to door, being in a zealous family, so many ridiculous rules, not having normal interactions with peers, etc. I was pretty angry, and felt some bitterness in my 20s and even into my early 30s. I felt angry that I didn't have the family support other kids had. I really felt cheated.

    Over time, I came to terms with what I had been through and thankful for the path I chose. I would do it all over again. It sucks that I didn't have the kind of childhood I wished I had. But I had food and shelter. I had some interesting experiences to say the least. And there are many people in the world born into far worse circumstances.

    In my experience, it's hard not to feel screwed over by Watchtower Inc. That can bring up all kinds of emtions, including sadness and anger. BUT, thank goodness I am where I am. I look back and see so many who did not make it out. I no longer "feel" any of those negative things like sadness and anger. What I do feel now is fortuante. Profoundly so.

  • Phizzy
    Phizzy

    Regrets and What Ifs need putting in a mental box in an imaginary Attic, they are no good as regular companions.

    The Future is Bright, and our life is truly what we make of it, albeit in circumstances we would not willingly choose.

    We can choose to be positive, happy and damn good company whatever our circumstances, and thus we make the World a better place than it would be if we were not here.

    All the best for a happy future !

  • Fernando
    Fernando

    Personally I draw some encouragement from the late Nelson Mandela who was deeply passionate about change and social justice.

    He took a few wrong turns and wasted a lot of time pursuing violence as change agent.

    Then, after having a significant change of heart, his real career, as a highly respected and successful non-violent change agent began at the age of 75 and lasted around 20 years.

  • punkofnice
    punkofnice

    Wanna - I feel the same way. As the Uber-Moorlock in the Time Machine said the 2 most terrible words are 'what if'.

    I am pushing 60. A wasted life cow towing to the hateful rules of the WBT$. Nightmares of demons and paranoia of armageddon(tm) haunted my childhood.

    I lived an illusion for so long thinking that I would live forever if I was a goodie goodie and gave all my life and money to the WBT$.

    Born in. Lived in the hell of the watchtower slavery all my life. It was beyond mental abuse. I could have been someone but it's too late for my dreams now ifI'm realistic. People say 'it's never too late' but it bleedin' well is....that's reality......something I was not living in under the WBT$ reign of terror.

    I get where you're coming from.

  • THE GLADIATOR
    THE GLADIATOR

    Hi Wanaexit, like many here, I understand your regret. Most people have regrets. Wounded war veterans, car crash victims, people from broken relationships, and many poor people who just didn’t get it right. If we hadn’t been Jehovah's Witnesses we may have made other mistakes. Each day is a gift to treasure and enjoy because however ‘well’ we do in life, time for each of us runs out anyway. The past no longer exists, there is only now. All the best.

    The following is taken from: Can Jehovah's Witnesses survive - by Trevor Willis:

    In my own case I was never disfellowshipped but slowly moved from the center of the organization to the edge as I became more and more disillusioned. It took many years to fully come to terms with the fact that what I had accepted as truth was in fact flawed. I tried to stay and do the minimum required of a member to still be called a brother. In the end I could no longer live a lie and at the age of thirty, finally left the Kingdom Hall for the last time.

    Not one congregation member called to ask why I had left! They had realized from remarks I had made, that I had, in the words of the song, come to doubt all that I once held as true. Fortunately I was able to build a new life, with new friends and a happier outlook. Although I was never officially disfellowshipped my relatives, all of whom are Witnesses except one brother, continue to shun me.

    For all those years I had been promised that I would never grow old and die but would live forever on earth, when it was turned into a paradise. I came to the realization that I was going to grow old and die like every other human. Coming to terms with the reality of so many wasted years, and learning to live outside the organization was a long hard climb. Accepting as worthwhile, people who I had previously condemned involved many emotional changes. Even so, I will never forget the friends and relatives whose affection I lost, along with the feeling of safety and certainty that belonging to the Watchtower Society's world brought me.

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