Why can't I just leave?

Trapped in JW land

Some of you may know my situation. I'm still going to meetings, but I am a closet apostate and homosexual I

only keep going to meetings to please my family and some friends. I guess I could tell my Mom I no longer want to be a Jehovah's Witness and stop going to meetings, but I'm too scared to do it. I don't want to upset my Mom and Sister and my JW"friends".

I'm curently attending a community college and I plan on transfering to a university by next fall. I was intially thinking of communiting to the school because it's only a half hour away, but I'm thinking of living on campus. I think then it will be easier to leave the cult and be free to live my own life.

I don't know if I shoud wait to tranfer to that university to leave the cult, or do it sooner. I was dating a guy secretly about a year ago, but he broke up with me because of me not being out. Now I'm dating another guy and I'm afraid he'll do the same, even though he says he understands my struggle(my ex said the same thing at first). That's why I just want to leave sooner so I don't so I don't have to be so secretive. I want a relationship but, it's hard to have one while still bein gin the cult. I very afraid to leave because of what I'll lose, but I just want to happy.

Divergent

If you wait, it would definitely be easier for you to leave as you would then be in a position where no one can control you. As long as you are living under the same roof with JW family, leaving can NEVER be easy. If your bf truly understands you, he would be willing to wait, if not, then it would simply mean that he is not the one for you

Oubliette

Trapped: I very afraid to leave because of what I'll lose

Yes, but think of what you'll gain: your own life. That should give you courage. I'm not saying what you have to do will be easy, because it won't be, but it will be the right thing for you to do. It's actually heroic.

Ultimately, the most important relationship we have in this life is the one we have with our self. - (attribution redacted)

Finkelstein

Make steps to be honest with your mother and JW Friends and maybe even toward yourself.

It would also be important to accept what ancient civilizations thought about human homosexuality and should be understood from that source.

Try to explain that to your JW friends and family is something you should think about as well.

Religion supports human ignorance on many sociological matters.

Unfortunately you will probably lose your friendship and association with JWs , you have to remember they have been brainwashed to do just that.

snare&racket

If you find attending is eating you alive from the inside, the ignorance, the xenophobia, the sexist, racist, homophobic, selfish view that JW's have of the world....

then stop going...

One day you will have to stop going, weigh up the benefits and cons of making that day.....today.

Snare

p.s. I decided to go to the elders with my concerns. They told me to not go whilst I had such concerns. Happiest day I had in about 5 years, 5 years of depression, confusion, stress because I knew it wasn't true and didn't know how to leave, in the end it was simple.... you can just leave. It is FAR easier than people think. As for the reactions of family, you can't halt it, you can't live for them, it is their shame to carry if they put loyalty to an extremist, backward belief system over their own family. There will not be a magic moment where all your family and friends will say "oh yes look, it's bullshit!" And leave en masse with you. But people like you leaving, will help others see how easy it is to leave. You won't be the only one feeling like this in your congregation, there will be several.....

JamesThomas

There is a great lesson for you here in that as we allow fear to guide and rule our life, rather than our true feelings, there is very often (if not always) a lot of confusion and suffering to be found.

sporece

There is no easy way out, we all had to go through the same pain of losing a marriage , losing kids and losing hundreds of friends.

You cannot stay in and be miserable for the rest of your life. No matter what plan of exit you choose it won't be easy but needs to be done and not living a lie.

As said you will gain a life of freedom and searching of happiness your way and not the watchtower.

Good luck... you can do it.

Black Sheep

Instead of being honest with your mother, start asking her questions that make her be dishonest with you to defend her choice to stay with a failed doomsday cult.Don't tell her anything she shouldn't already know from her own church's rantings and historical facts she already knows, just ask sincere questions that will affect her .... not you .... her, then keep her honest if she tries any tricks to weasel her way out of an honest answer. Act offended if she tries to fool you into changes of subject or any type of bullying.

Do not express your own opinions, as she has been programmed not to listen to anything opposing, just corner her into defending her opinions and choices, while you practice a bit of shut up.

Be the last to leave, not the first. We all know how that goes.

Hortensia

Living authentically gives you peace of mind, reduces stress. If the authentic you is homosexual, hiding that is stressful. Maybe don't rock the boat until you move over to the university, but definitely the day you tell the truth about yourself and how you feel about that stupid religion is the day you set yourself free.

clarity

Trapped ... hi & welcome to this site. There

is a lot of good advice and help here,

but in the end you are the one who will be

living with your decision.

Make it one that you can actually live with.

There is no hurry. You may still need what

your family has to offer you .......... do not

feel that you have to prove anything by leaving.

clarity

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Why can't I just leave?

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