Raw Pain (page 2)

Cowboy

Very good post,Cassi.

I agree that Larc summed it up though-approachable.If we(this board)is not approachable,then our purpose is being nullified.That leads me to believe that those who insist on doubting everyone are more concerned with their own ego's,rather than with the greater good of helping others.

There's an old saying about not criticizing others 'til you've walked a mile in their shoes.It's old advice,but it'll be good to you.

Nuff Said,
Cowboy

"You've got to stand for something,
or you'll fall for anything"
Aaron Tippin

Cassiline

This post was my feelings/thoughts, it was not directed at anyone in particular. I just thought and hoped by posting this we may see how our comments, or lack there of may have an effect on our fellow posters.

((((((((( Ornage, Matty, Xena, Dutchie, DB, Kismet, Larc)))))))

C

When the pain of being where we are, becomes greater than our fear of letting go...we will risk and heal and grow.

teenyuck

{{{Cassiline}}}

I am so sorry that your friend was hurt. My mother was molested and she is opening up to the fact that the JW's are imperfect.

I cannot make excuses for anyone here, other than myself...the few times I have attacked someone (non_trias_something or other) it is because they are reciting JW retoric.

I would never question someone's pain. I am really sorry that some of us get nervous when newbies come on...there have been so many in the last month or so, it raised people's radar.

Please tell your friend she has our best wishes and at least lurk...try to read some of the posts and perhaps she will understand.
Tina

LyinEyes

Dearest Cass,
I totally agree with what you have said. Many times people come in
this room and really dont even know how to express themselves. It is a whole different format , typing your feelings , pain , ..than to
speak to someone face to face. Sometimes things can be taken in an entirely different way than a poster meant it to come out. LOL This has happened to me, and then felt like an idiot after I read what I posted ,,, I was like ,, that didnt come out right. So I agree we
all should not jump to conclusions on what someone is saying, because this is so one dimensional..we can't read a person, because we are just beginning to know who they are, and how they communicate.
In time it becomes easier and you get to know someones personality by the way they express themselves in here. I think we have all been abused by the WTBS in one way or another, many have been abused in ways that are just unmentionable. So it is good to keep in mind we dont know how sad or angry or hurt someone might be on the other end of the internet. Always better to err on the side of kindness than to speak too harshly... sometimes we all do, but it was a good reminder you made to think about someone who is new and alone needing our help. I dont know if I can help much,, as I consider myself a "toddler" too,!!!! On a personal note, Cass you have my cell number,
I will be leaving home to go to Shreveport, today,, Friday to go out dancing with hubby, we are going to spend the nite. But I will have my cell phone with me,, so if you need me for ANYTHING please call,
or if you come in town. I should be home sat evening or sunday.
I hope everyone has a great and safe weekend. Hugs,, Dede(LyinEyes)

Simon

A very good reminder Cassi. I'm sorry that we let someone down this way and have put them off posting. Sometimes it's hard to believe some of the dreadful stories if you have never had to deal with things like that because they are so aweful and misunderstandings can arise.

Please pass on my sincere apologies.

safe4kids

((((Cassi)))),

Excellent post, excellent reminder. You know, when I was first dealing with my "stuff", even before I left the borg, I had NO CLUE how to relate to other people! I had no idea how to communicate my pain, anger, grief, etc. Leaving the borg, I encountered similar problems...how DO you communicate effectively and succinctly when you've never been taught how? Or worse, as so many survivors of abuse can attest, have repeatedly been taught how NOT to. I still struggle with how best to deal with strong negative emotions. I'm not very good at expressing them; I either bottle them up or blow the lid wide open, saying things that I don't mean. Hey, I'm a work in progress.

Point is, many of the newcomers here are also works in progress and they need time, understanding, and empathy. When I first came here, if I had been met with suspicion and distrust, I am sure I wouldn't have stayed. A newcomer came into chat the other day while I was there and took offense at what they thought was an insult directed at them. It wasn't meant that way at all but the person left before we could explain to them and it's bothered me now for several days. I guess I need the reminder as much as anyone else that we need to deal carefully with newbies, as so often they're very sensitive and emotional (which of course I NEVER am!) What does it hurt us to give them the benefit of the doubt?

Dana

Yadira Angelini

Cassi, thanks!

waiting

Howdy Cass,

It would be helpful - particularily if any (including myself if necessary) would like to apologize - to know the username of this person?

There are so many here, and it's hard to keep up with new persons. This forum always run the danger of becoming overly aggressive, or return to overly aggressive as it was in months past. It might help us to learn about ourselves and others if we knew who & what you were speaking about?

As for allowing new persons room - just get used to us, this type of communication, showing raw emotions, etc., - no amount of reminders is too much. We were all there at one time or another.

Larc & I had our initial disagreement.....Ha! and I didn't even know it! Seems he didn't understand my particularily odd sense of humor. Go figure!

There is room for all of us - at least initially until we get to know people better. But when someone comes to the forum speaking about pain, rape, molestation, it would seem that common courtesy would be to allow them a little extra room. It's hard enough to talk about such things. I know.

Please pass on this thread to her/him?

waiting

Eliveleth

Dear Cassi,
As a newcomer myself, I would like to thank you for your kind heart and words. We are all a little apprehensive about how people we have not had occasion to exchange ideas with, will respond. I always have a little catch in my heart when I post and am always relieved when it is accepted favorably. Many of us are insecure in being accepted after being disfellowshipped for disagreeing. We left the WT in 1983 and were dfd for questioning the Org. When this happened, our whole support system was pulled out from under us. Since we had been “faithful Witnesses” we had no other friends. All the ones we had made over the years were gone. We did not even have the Internet then. My Brother-in-law, who had left the WT a couple of years before put us in touch with others who were having doubts. He gave us the addresses of about 30 people who were having the same doubts that we were. It was so good to know that we were not alone, there were others who saw what we saw. We bought a computer, just for the word processor so that I could write letters without getting writer’s cramp. We had a lot to say, a lot to dump. Remembering those days, it is like getting food poisoning, you just have to get it all out and every new person that comes along you spew it on. It is part of the healing process. Those who are just coming out are very vulnerable to criticism. They need our tender, loving words to help them to “get it all out” so they can begin to heal. It reminds me of the prophecy about Jesus at Matthew 12:20 "A bruised reed he will not break,
and a smoldering wick he will not snuff out,
till he leads justice to victory."
May we be like Jesus and love these “little ones” who are reaching out.

Love to you all,
Eliveleth

BeautifulGarbage

I agree with you, Cassi. Thanks for reminding the board that we need to keep an open mind when a newbie posts their story. Heck, let's apply that to "oldbies" too. It can mean alot to give a warm welcome and encouraging them to hang around.

I know we have had some creeps on here try to take us all for a ride. Luckily, those ARE the exceptions.

I know some of the things that have happened in my life are pretty unbelievable and shocking. So, I know that unthinkable things can happen to people. Plus, there is that saying: Truth is stranger than fiction. Let's give the benefit of the doubt, until proven otherwise.

Andee

Raw Pain

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