WT and sexual abuse - other issues

by Lady Lee 11 Replies latest jw experiences

  • Lady Lee
    Lady Lee

    You know this problem is a lot bigger than just going to the police. That is a huge part of it but there are other pieces.

    First the two witnesses rule is absurd. If you don't recognize that then you are absurd.

    Secondly the gag order placed on victims is absurd.

    ---- scenario----
    A girl is sexually abused and goes to the elders. Because she doesn't have 2 witnesses and he denies it there is nothing the elders can do. She and her family are instructed to remain silent so as not to tarnish the perp's reputation or she will be disfellowshipped for starting rumors, gossiping, or going against the elders decision not to do something about the abuser. Elders do not make a note in the abuser's file of the allegations because there weren't 2 witnesses.
    ------end------

    Ok in this scenario the girl can now not go to the police to see if perhaps a professional investigator can get to the truth. The elder's inept attempts at getting to the truth have warned the perp that the victim has talked. He could be very anry and vengeful on her and if the abuser is a relative she might be in serious danger so the elders have made the problem worse

    He figures that he is safe because nothing is done so he is free to wander around and find more victims. Because the elders are more invested in protecting reputations than people they have now put the cong and public in danger.

    Because they are not professionals and do not know how to do these interviews properly they have now contaminated the evidence - the victims memory. She may now be confused - feel even more guilt and shame and be unwilling to talk to the authorities. The elders have also shown her that she will not be listened to and will not be protected, meanwhile his rights come first.

    Because of the silence order the victim cannot talk to others in the congregation to warn them about the abuse and that he could do it again and sadly most likely will because he has seen that as long as he is not caught by 2 people he is free. So the whole congreagation is in danger and now no one knows who has a history of abuse.

    The public is in danger because he is going from door to door. And despite their silly rule that he must go with someone who exactly is going to stop him from taking his bag and going out on his own. Not letting the congregation know means that if he shows up at a service meeting or the book study and is the only make he takes the lead - over all those sisters who do not know about him. He can also offer to generously study with the children of some of the single sisters. Or marry one of them and abuse the children.

    The victim is not encouraged to go for the badly needed counsel she needs as a result of the abuse itself but now for the secondary abuse by the elders who do not help her. In all of the information we have seen and heard how many times have you seen the victim encouraged to go for help. They are encouraged to go to the elders - only the elders can help and when they don't there is no where else to go. Outside counseling while suggested in the magazines is not really encouraged - another double standard.

    So the victim is encouraged to go to Jehovah go to the organization go to the elders but there isn't one person there who is trained to deal with these traumatic situations. No amount of prayer or going in service or to meetings is going to fix this. They need PROFESSIONAL HELP. That means the police, social workers, counselors, and yes prayer too but the rest MUST be there.

    ALL of it!!!!!!

    A not-so-silent lamb

    Aspire to inspire before you expire

  • larc
    larc

    Lady Lee,

    Very nicely written. I was thinking along the same lines, but didn't have my thoughts and words so well framed as you did. Your thoughts should be brought back up top whenever someone tries to defend the pathetic Witness position.

  • Lady Lee
    Lady Lee

    Thanks larc - I am just getting really fed up with so much of the police thing - there is so much more of this. I can well imagine how frustrated Erika must have felt.

    I know I was gagged too and it didn't help one single person - well maybe one - my abuser

    A not-so-silent lamb

    Aspire to inspire before you expire

  • jerome
    jerome

    I always hear about alot of gossip within congregations.

    And about elders wives getting in the know on judicial matters.

    So how come the childmolesters arent gossipped about too?

  • Lady Lee
    Lady Lee

    As an ex-elders wife my husband never told me about what went on in JC. And I never went into his files. And I never had any other elder's wife share information with me they should not have known

    A not-so-silent lamb

    Aspire to inspire before you expire

  • waiting
    waiting

    Hello Jerome,

    So how come the childmolesters arent gossipped about too?
    Good logical question - as gossip is a mainstay in jw congregations, and not by sisters alone, thank you. Usually gossip is of the non-serious type, imho, - like body size, hairstyle, attitude, whatever. If it's about lifestyle - I've found that usually generates after someone's been reproved or df'd. Like "well, you KNOW she always..............". And I've found sisters tend to gossip more about sisters - catty, that way.

    On SERIOUS issues? Yes, there is gossip and whispering. When my daughter was molested & I found out - I wanted to tell everyone......and the CO and local elders stopped me - as then I would be guilty of the "serious sin of slander." But I whispered to other sisters (saying his name) - and they, in turn, whispered to me of "other situations" with other brothers and children in other congregations.

    Very seldom does a witness whisper with names - that way, we were never really guilty of slander - just inuendos.

    No one wants to get caught in the "serious sin of slander."

    waiting

  • waiting
    waiting

    Hey Lee,

    Quote: Because they are not professionals and do not know how to do these interviews properly they have now contaminated the evidence - the victims memory. She may now be confused - feel even more guilt and shame and be unwilling to talk to the authorities. The elders have also shown her that she will not be listened to and will not be protected, meanwhile his rights come first.

    A fine thread - and this was such an important point. One of the problems of child abuse is that it has so many implications and so many ways it can be further harmful to the victim. The elder arrangement just does not do the job - it endangers the victim & enables the molester.

    The WTBTS is putting men with no qualifications into a professional situation - and when they naturally screw up (occasionally) - the WTBTS then says that the elders are untrained volunteers.

    As you stated, the molester's rights are protected - and sometimes he wins.

    But the WTBTS wins whenever the secret is kept - because they can still spread the lie that only their religions is a Spiritual Paradise and Refuge.

    Thanks,

    waiting

  • jerome
    jerome

    So waiting

    Youre saying that you couldent tell everyone about it openly but that you made it known on the down low right?

    If so what was the reaction to those you told.

    on another note:

    I dident know that you were affected by this issue as well. It seems that this is really common

    (((Wating)))

    jerome

  • teenyuck
    teenyuck

    {{{Lady Lee}}} Great thread.

    Waiting, great commentary.

  • Lady Lee
    Lady Lee

    yup waiting
    -----
    But the WTBTS wins whenever the secret is kept - because they can still spread the lie that only their religions is a Spiritual Paradise and Refuge
    --------
    It is a Refuge - but for the wrong people - certainly not the victims

    A not-so-silent lamb

    Aspire to inspire before you expire

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