People Are Stupid

by Kismet 21 Replies latest jw friends

  • Latte
    Latte

    JT

    Go on then here's another.

    Not mad funny though - or stupid. A friend of mine sent these stories to me by e-mail, certainly helped me realize that I was having a good day afterall!

    ******
    Fire authorities in California found a corpse in a burned out section of forest while assessing the damage done by a forest fire. The deceased male was dressed in a full wet suit, complete with scuba tanks on his back, flippers, and face mask. A post-mortem revealed that the person died not from burns, but from massive internal injuries.
    Dental records provided a positive identification. Investigators then
    set about to determine how a fully clad diver ended up in the middle of a forest fire.

    It was revealed that on the day of the fire, the person went for a
    diving trip off the coast some 20 miles from the forest. The
    fire-fighters, seeking to control the fire as quickly as possible,
    called in a fleet of helicopters with very large dip buckets. Water was dipped from the ocean and then flown to the forest fire and emptied.

    You guessed it. One minute our diver was making like Flipper in the
    Pacific, the next he was doing the breast stroke in a fire dip bucket
    300 feet in the air. Apparently he extinguished exactly 5'10" of the
    fire. Some days it just doesn't pay to get out of bed.

    This article was taken from the California Examiner, March 20, 1998.

    Latte

  • ChuckD
    ChuckD

    NO, NO, NO.....Not the "SCUBA Diver in a tree story again" That is a classic urban legend which NEVER happened. Dozens of varients around, dating back to the 1980's; all of them just as untrue.

    Have a look at this:

    http://www.snopes2.com/horrors/freakish/scuba.htm

  • ChuckD
    ChuckD

    While I am busy debunking, if you do a search at www.snopes.com through their Urban Legend archive, you will discover that the "dropped stretcher" motif (as cited with the motorcycle tale) shown up at the end of many of these stores, such as this one (also untrue);

    http://www.snopes2.com/spoons/legends/toilet.htm

  • Englishman
    Englishman

    I heard about a guy in Birmingham, England, who needed a sawn-off shotgun to rob a bank. He stole the shotgun, duly sawed of the barrel and stock, went to the bank and was immediately arrested before he could pull the shortened weapon from out of his trousers.

    The police later discovered that the ruined shotgun was one of a pair of Purdeys, valued at around £55,000, about $88,000.

    Englishman.

  • TR
    TR

    larc,

    A woman locked herself out of her car and marveled at the "Slim Jim" tool the policeman used to get her car unlocked. She asked him if they made anything like that, that was small enough to fit in her purse. The poiciman answered, "Why yes mam, they do. It's called a key."

    LOL!

    Actually, there is a folding "slim jim" that you can buy at auto parts stores. Unfortunately, women usually lock their purses in the car along with extra keys, etc.

    BTW, people, if you get locked out, don't call the cops or the fire dept. unless it's an emergency. They generally know very little about how to open vehicles. More often than not, they will screw up door linkage so that your door may not be able to lock, unlock, or even open at all and are not liable for damage they cause. "Slim Jims" rarely work in newer cars, so it's not the universal tool it used to be. Best bet is to call a locksmith or CARRY AN EXTRA KEY, DUMMY!

    TR

    Edited by - TR on 26 February 2001 12:6:8

  • Latte
    Latte

    ChuckD dear brother,
    You said
    *****NO, NO, NO.....Not the "SCUBA Diver in a tree story again" That is a classic urban legend which
    NEVER happened. Dozens of varients around, dating back to the 1980's; all of them just as
    untrue. *****
    Good job you told me you were referring to the SCUBA diver story! take out SCUBA diver and you could be talking about the 'TRUTH'

    Anyhow, the 'truth gets brighter' maybe previous stories of this TRUE story were missing some finer detail. LOL
    There could be some new person hear in attendance, so it's good to repeat yourself,repeat yourself. hehehe
    So I'm going to post it again on humour

    Latte OOOhh I need a Laugh today!!

  • LDH
    LDH

    Oh English, that is rich!

    And thanks to ChuckD who debunked these urban myths before I could get to my computer! (My husband came home last week and related the 'scuba diver story--he wouldn't believe it was a UL until I pointed out to him that a in order for that to happen, the helicopter would have to lift a scoopful of water at top speed. Which is of course, an impossibility. The copter would ditch. But it is a funny story...)

    Here are two of my favorite TRUE stories, LOL.
    This one from Reader's Digest asbout 10 years ago. A man decided to rob a bank in NYC. To get around that dang 'getaway car' thing, he decided to rob a bank and !!!! hail a taxi. His thought process was something like..."Oh they'll never know which taxi I got in."
    So he robs the bank, runs out the door and hails a taxi. He forgot to calculate for rush hour traffic. He was caught one block from the bank in stand-still traffic.

    A friend of our was a former CO in Austrailia. His car broke down frequently. Waiting on the side of the road for some assistance...finally a woman happened by. He explained to her the problem and told her if she would just give him a little 'push' it would be enough to get the engine turning over. So she agreed. She went back to her car. As he looked in his rearview mirror, he was horrified to see the woman backing up! Yup, She backed up, got a good running start and BAM rear ended him at about 40 mph.....

    My suggestion if you're really interested in reading about stupid people? http://www.darwinawards.com Make sure you have plenty of time to browse....

  • logical
    logical

    The most stupidest thing ever must have been when I was born

  • LDH
    LDH

    Lawn Chair Larry
    1982 Honorable Mention
    Confirmed True by Darwin
    (1982, California) Larry Walters of Los Angeles is one of the few to contend for the Darwin Awards and live to tell the tale. "I have fulfilled my 20-year dream," said Walters, a former truck driver for a company that makes TV commercials. "I'm staying on the ground. I've proved the thing works."

    Larry's boyhood dream was to fly. But fates conspired to keep him from his dream. He joined the Air Force, but his poor eyesight disqualified him from the job of pilot. After he was discharged from the military, he sat in his backyard watching jets fly overhead.

    He hatched his weather balloon scheme while sitting outside in his "extremely comfortable" Sears lawnchair. He purchased 45 weather balloons from an Army-Navy surplus store, tied them to his tethered lawnchair dubbed the Inspiration I, and filled the 4' diameter balloons with helium. Then he strapped himself into his lawnchair with some sandwiches, Miller Lite, and a pellet gun. He figured he would pop a few of the many balloons when it was time to descend.

    Larry's plan was to sever the anchor and lazily float up to a height of about 30 feet above his back yard, where he would enjoy a few hours of flight before coming back down. But things didn't work out quite as Larry planned.

    When his friends cut the cord anchoring the lawnchair to his Jeep, he did not float lazily up to 30 feet. Instead, he streaked into the LA sky as if shot from a cannon, pulled by the lift of 42 helium balloons holding 33 cubic feet of helium each. He didn't level off at 100 feet, nor did he level off at 1000 feet. After climbing and climbing, he leveled off at 16,000 feet.

    At that height he felt he couldn't risk shooting any of the balloons, lest he unbalance the load and really find himself in trouble. So he stayed there, drifting cold and frightened with his beer and sandwiches, for more than 14 hours. He crossed the primary approach corridor of LAX, where Trans World Airlines and Delta Airlines pilots radioed in reports of the strange sight.

    Eventually he gathered the nerve to shoot a few balloons, and slowly descended. The hanging tethers tangled and caught in a power line, blacking out a Long Beach neighborhood for 20 minutes. Larry climbed to safety, where he was arrested by waiting members of the LAPD. As he was led away in handcuffs, a reporter dispatched to cover the daring rescue asked him why he had done it. Larry replied nonchalantly, "A man can't just sit around."

    The Federal Aviation Administration was not amused. Safety Inspector Neal Savoy said, "We know he broke some part of the Federal Aviation Act, and as soon as we decide which part it is, a charge will be filed."

    DarwinAwards.com © 1994 - 2001
    Submitted by: Ed Greany, Douglas Walker, Walter Hecht
    Reference: UPI, Stabbed with a Wedge of Cheese by Charles Downey

    Footnote:
    Larry's efforts won him a $1,500 FAA fine, a prize from the Bonehead Club of Dallas, the altitude record for gas-filled clustered balloons, and a Darwin Awards Honorable Mention. He gave his aluminum lawnchair to admiring neighborhood children, abandoned his truck-driving job, and went on the lecture circuit. He enjoyed intermittent demand as a motivational speaker, but said he never made much money from his innovative flight. He never married and had no children. Larry hiked into the forest and shot himself in the heart on October 6, 1993. He died at the age of 44.

    --------------------------------------------------------------------------------

    AP Article
    3 July 1982
    UPI Followup
    18 December 1982
    Excerpt from Robert Fulghum's Book All I Really Need to Know I Learned in Kindergarten
    Larry's Obituary
    Los Angeles Times

    Ed Greany adds:
    I am a member of Crest REACT, a non-profit organization that monitors CB Channel 9 for emergencies. I have the entire event recorded on cassette, while Larry and Santiago REACT Unit 66 were in CB contact. He was not rescued by a helicopter, as you inaccurately report (see our previous version) but came down of his own actions and became entangled in power lines. He later committed suicide. He recorded a song called "Lawn Chair that Flew" c. 1982 ASCAP and gave me a personal copy. I invited him to be a guest speaker at a later REACT Council meeting in Corona, CA. The CB recording is not copyrighted, and you may have a copy by sending $2 to cover duplication to:

    Ed Greany c/o Crest React
    P.O. Box 395
    Corona, CA 92878-0395
    Ed says, "I prefer cash as it is simpler, but any medium is okay."

  • conflicted
    conflicted

    I've got one - Heard it from a Darwin award report.

    A man heard a funny noise comming from the engine compartment of his truck, so when he got home he set about work to fix the problem, but try as he might he couldn't find the problem. He noticed that when the truck was running idle the noise didn't occur so he came up with a bright idea. He called a friend over to drive the truck for him WHILE HE STRAPPED HIMSELF UNDER THE TRUCK to see if he could find the problem. Sometime during the trip he got caught in the drive shaft and was killed.

    You're right Kismet, some people are stupid.

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