Took the laptop to bookstudy this week so we could check out the site together. Our good brother Martini has been posting for some time and has been telling us about this web site where he can say the most outrageous things and people will just basically nod their heads in agreement and say “right on, brother.”
Like once he said, “I prefer to do it (preaching) with sporadic and extemporaneous praise in deed, word, poetry and song.”
It was totally tongue-in-cheek, but nobody picked up on it. Everybody was like, oh yeah, poems and songs- that’s my kind of alternative witnessing. Beats the bus stop any day.
Here at bookstudy we have a pretty young, hip group. So it didn’t take long for it to sink in that the forum was all just an elaborate put-on.
We looked at user names, and no-one was including an e-mail or home page in their profile, unlike other Witness discussion sites. It was lightbulb over the head time.
Everybody (with the exception of a couple of unsuspecting victims) is just like Martini. Throw out the most off-the-wall statement you can come up with, and everyone has to react like it’s the most normal thing in the world.
Our favorite characters are Sevenofnine and Frenchy (whom we suspect to be one and the same, judging by the way they always answer each other). We cut and pasted some of our favorite quotes, and then did a “Rocky Horror” thing.
For example, one person would say (in a deep serious voice with a really straight face) “The silence you mistake for abandonment is really God's gift to you to think for yourself “
And then the group would chant “Borg girl, Borg girl”.
Of course the topper was, “I was already baptized and speaking in tongues before I ever set foot in a Kingdom Hall,” and all the respondents acted real PC like, this is cool.
Some of the quotes have become instant classics, like yesterday two of us were in service, and after a lady refused the magazines, a sister said to me:
“I've often thought how pathetic that all I've been taught to do is offer them a magazine.”
I said, “Yeah, you go Tongue-girl”.
Here’s some others that we’ve printed out, and we go up to brothers we know and repeat them real serious, just to see their reaction.
Of course the real challenge is for us to keep a straight face:
SC: “My wife was even a little more affectionate than usual if you know what I mean. ;-)” Two of our married pioneer brothers said, that’s it, I quit right now, if those are the benefits.
Here’s a couple we like to use on visiting speakers:
Frenchy: “When was the last time you heard ANY talk from the platform that brought tears to your eyes instead of making you yawn and look at your watch?” (then we brought out an onion in a zip loc bag)
Waiting: “Our speakers are mediocre, and if it's not written word for word for them - they really don't reason well at all. So I sit and read the Bible or Watchtowers.” (So show me your notes brother, and maybe I’ll show you mine)
Best pick up line to use on a date:
RedHorseWoman: “The principle is basically that you can learn to direct healing energy through your hands.” (yeah, baby)
Red Horse is cool. Some of our teens usedl this one on their teachers:
“There are times that one wonders when the burden of knowledge will become too great.”
But you have to say it realllly serious, and nod slowly.
Here’s one I used on my bible study, to great effect:
Ozzygal: “It is a very proud feeling to have brought someone into the congregation, it gives you an improved social status”
Yup,I’m at the top of the food chain now.
When we read this one, we started to hang around the counter and got a bad case of “Magazine Envy”
Ozzygal: “Who's got the biggest stack of magazines to pick up from the book counter. Ugh!! It's all just one big showy display.”
We found lots more, but I gotta save some for next time.
Several in the bookstudy said they would start posting, so I predict an influx of new members, and even more outrageousness in the near future.
Like Lars said, I’d love to know who you guys really are.
Keep ‘em coming.