i'm fairly new to leaving the borg (about a year and a half). just wondering if anyone else has had a hard time adjusting to dating in the real world? i don't go by the whole 'we better not date unless we're ready to get married'. just haven't made the best choices in men.
does anyone else have problems dating??
by eyegirl 13 Replies latest jw friends
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Soledad
Hehe I jumped into bed with the first one that came along right after I DA'd.....talk about being repressed!
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Francois
You're not likely to make good choices in men until you've gotten some counseling. First, I think it's important to realize that your association with JWs was the moral, psychological, and intellectual equivalent of abuse. And a person does not spontaneously recover from abuse. It must be treated. I'd say that it's safe to say that you have some form of post-traumatic stress disorder, even if only a mild case. And even mild cases can cloud your judgement - for the worse.
Have you found yourself to be dating controlling men?
IMHO I think you should take a year or so off, and give yourself that time to deal with you; get you straightened out from your near-miss with a cult. Take care of you. Then the other stuff will take care of itself.
Francois
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DB
Hi eye,
My daughter is permitted by my wife and I to date, despite the fact that we are jws. She is seeing a guy in the congregation. She is not ready for marriage, nor is he.
Many, many jw youths are dating jws and non-jws behind their parents backs.
We feel that the expectation of no dating until ready for marriage is not realistic. It may be a fine ideal, but reality seems to show that jw youths are in many cases simply not going to wait that long. We'd rather have our child dating with our consent and our monitoring her activities than to be doing it behind our backs.
We have considered the fact that she is young and that such relationships seldom result in marriage. However, we also feel that by allowing her some latitude in this regard, we are hopeful that she will learn some practical lessons on dating and relationships. It's a tough call that can go either way, but we feel that we have made a good choice.
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flower
eyegirl,
yea i've not really been dating since i left because i've found it difficult to know what to do. feels kinda wierd starting over at 29 when you have to try not to be making 16 year older mistakes.
i just am kinda wingin it. learning as i go. learning from mistakes.
flower
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Hmmm
I'm with you guys.
One thing that used to work almost every time when I was younger was pulling a girl's pigtails. But not many woman have pigtails anymore.
The search continues,
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SixofNine
It's punny, but as a witness, I had a huge problem with carbon dating. After leaving, I thought I had better get-over-it if I wanted to have even half a life. I must admit, at first, my love life was really in a constant rate of decay.
Isohope(d) to be dating that I was just about radioactive, metaphorically speaking, of course. Yes, I was a bit unstable.
Looking back, I call that time of my life the "hollow scene" period . It's scary, looking outside ones "curve of knowns" in order to get dates, and sometimes it helps to use a little liquid scintillation. You can always count on it.
Six's pun chart, no fun intended
RED = Master Pun
BLUE = Supporting Pun
GREEN = Special bonus Pun -
r51785
My biggest problem with dating is that my wife won't let me!
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simplesally
So, Six, if you went on a date ....... just tell us how it would go....
I mean, if you were to go over to a girl's house, just how nervous would you be?
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eyegirl
no, i haven't been dating controlling men. first guy i dated (and slept with--my mother calling me a whore to my face the whole time) was very sweet and we planned on getting married. just got to the point that we realized we made better friends than lovers. we're still very close. dated a married man (oops!) in my defense, i didn't know he was married at first, but by the time i found out, the sex was so good i couldn't say no. we're not seeing each other now, but also remain good friends. was going out with a guy for about 2 months--he's divorced (not an ex dubber) with a 6 yr old son. thought things were going fine. met the kid, was spending the night there with the kid home--then out of nowhere he freaks out that things are going too fast (the above things were his decisions--not mine!). i don't take any shit and won't put up with a controlling man. if one tries to be, he's out the door.