by MrMoe 29 Replies latest jw friends
Ha ha, Moe!
I like that, I'd also like to have some rotten fortunes for fortune cookies as well. Instead of the usual "something good will happen to you today," I'd like to see fortunes that said things like: "You're going to die today," or "as of today, your sex life is over." That way, when you got a good fortune, it would actually mean something to you.
Oh well, back to my reading of the latest from Larry Flynt.
Libra (September 23-October 22):You're an airhead when it comes to money. You can't make a
decision and actually stick to it to save your life! You are gullible and naive and don't learn from your
mistakes. You don't care about anything and you flirt too much.
THIS IS ME, EXACTLY!!!! So, what's negative? hehe
Okay, well, the complete geek horoscopes:
Gemini
May 21 - June 21
An unfortunate backhoe accident that cuts both your cable and telephone connections leads you to discover a beautiful and enchanting world that others call "outside".Cancer
June 22 - July 22
Your horoscope this week says you are a gullible person who believes in horoscopes. Don't believe it!Leo
July 23 - Aug 22
You might think that those hard drives in your Linux server crashed because of a bad power supply. Think again. Maybe if you used it on your desktop instead of leaving it in the corner of the basement as a firewall it wouldn't have to lash out just to get some attention.Virgo
Aug 23 - Sep 22
Your girlfriend becomes a bit concerned when you start coming home late from work everyday. You assure her it's not another woman, just that you're feeding your Nethack addiction. That doesn't seem to calm her nerves.Libra
Sep 23 - Oct 23
Help your dad and the Internet this Father's Day by visiting him in person and making sure he's not posing as a 13 year old girl in the AOL chat rooms.Scorpio
Oct 24 - Nov 21
Your office has a loose ceiling tile with your name on it. You have no chance to survive, make your time.Sagittarius
Nov 22 - Dec 21
That spam filter you wrote will prove dangerous when it blocks the "employment termination notices" that your boss sent to you. You'll end up working for two more months at the company wondering why you haven't gotten a paycheck.Capricorn
Dec 22 - Jan 19
You'll be unable to convince your mom that it's just thermal paste all over the keyboard. No Internet for you for a week young man.Aquarius
Jan 20 - Feb 18
You will be praised this week by your generous boss. By praised I mean maimed. And by generous I mean psychotic. And by boss I mean gorilla.Pisces
Feb 19 - Mar 20
Taking paper clips and staples home from work is OK, but taking a 21-inch monitor home is considered theft. Go directly to jail. Do not pass GO. Do not collect $200.Aries
Mar 21 - Apr 19
Your lack of knowledge on soccer will be demonstrated this week as your random score generator for guessing the results of the World Cup ends with Saudi Arabia beating China 37-25 in the finals.Taurus
Apr 20 - May 20
The pressure of producing one comic every 3 months might be too much to bear. It might be time for a nice relaxing trip to New Orleans.
I especially like the Scorpio one. Hehe.
Edited by - Xander on 14 June 2002 18:0:30
144 they do actually make fortune cookies like that...there used to be a website that was called badfortunecookie.com, I dunno if it even still exists or not.
I got one one time that said "your dog will be hit by 12:00 bus. When you go to pick up the corpse in the street you will be hit by the 12:05 bus." It rocked~
Has anyone noticed fortune cookies are really more statement cookies lately?
"Love is the fire within the soul" and crap like that? What up? I wanna hear about how "Buddaha loves you cuz you gots a fine Butua!"
Scorpio (October 23-November 21) : All you do is brood and lead a life of havoc. You like to choose friends with low self-esteem that have more problems than you do. It makes you feel powerful. So do your "strings attached" favors. You're too secretive and demanding...and it pisses everyone off!
OUCH!
Thanks a lot, one more thing to brood about!
Mike.
I'm a Virgo, and a bitch to boot.
ashi
Scorpio..You're too secretive and demanding...and it pisses everyone off!
my rommies and i fully concur!!
XANDER -- WOW this is actually VERY true for the day -- actually entire week!!!
AquariusJan 20 - Feb 18
You will be praised this week by your generous boss. By praised I mean maimed. And by generous I mean psychotic. And by boss I mean gorilla.
My boss is a Scorpio. He has this grudge against me... keeps trying to get me fired... CEO saves me every time... CEO loves me... think I may get canned soon anyhow... ACK Scorpios...
Kisses,
Moe
P.S. Lilacs -- Don't worry I won't tell...
I sent you an email Moe in case it got lost in your millions of fan letters I'm interested in your readings and find it funny that even negative horoscopes seem to apply just as well. I had a Tarot reading at a recent renaisance festival, I'm skeptical of those things so I offered zero info even though she was fishing for some. She was about 80% on the mark. She got me starting school 3 months ago, having two job choices a month before, and me being semi-financially stable up until 6 months ago all correct. Not bad, but my jury is still out.
gsx1138
Damn, I'm definitely a Libra! Fits me quite well, lol.
