What now, withno PURPOSE?

HomebutHiding

It's a difficult thing, once having been a member of the elite, the chosen few, hand-picked by the almighty never to die, to wake up, suddenly or otherwise to the realization that all was a lie. Of course, when we were JWs, we had a purpose in life, and that purpose, along with life itself was a forever kind of thing. We were to live forever, and our existance was well-defined for us. We had ALL the answers. It doesn't exist anymore, and although I have been out for a few years, I am only recently grappling with this sense of purposelessness to everything. I will begin my JR year in college (at age 45, since that was denied me in my former existence) , but I find with this summer break, not relaxation, but a void and emptiness that is hard to deal with. Thanks to the input of the JWs, I am quite sure I will not be able to trust, or believe in anything anymore. Have any of you had to deal with similar thoughts and feelings? Please tell me how you got through.

2SYN

Well, Home, all that it means is that we as humans who leave the BORG can no longer expect God to clean up behind us and do everything for us (provided we have faith, LOL), but that we need to take the bull by the horns and sort out the world and our own lives by OURSELVES. This is a key element of humanity missing from the Tower, and one I found after I left it.

That, and you get to hang out with Apostates, who just so happen to be the coolest, kindest, most understanding, fun bunch of people on Earth!

You need to reflect on the things you've gained, not the things you've lost. Here is a little list of things you've gained:

True freedom of thought. No more "thought police", "thoughtcrimes", and "doublethink". Maybe you should read 1984 by George Orwell to see what I'm trying to get at. The similiarities between the totalitarian regime in that book and the GB are striking. Hell, the GB even go so far as to rewrite history. Remember, history is written by the winners!
Absolute sexual freedom. Nuff said. Go out and enjoy yourself responsibly like a REAL adult. You don't need a book to make rules for you.
True freedom of speech. Now, you are are allowed to question what you are being taught. Isn't that great? Didn't you hate literally having "doctrine" shoved down your throat at every meeting?
No more Judicial Committees to stress over.
You can now perform charitable acts that do not include selling books. Take advantage of this, and help somebody in your neighbourhood or city. You'll feel so much better afterwards.

Valis

I am only recently grappling with this sense of purposelessness to everything

lets back up a second and take a look at what you said. I'm not sassing too much so bear w/me... It would seem the exact thing JWs would expect former members to find. The sense that nothingness is the real world. Some good threads popped up today about volnuteering, hobbies, common interests among people who spend a bit of time doing that and less a conscious need to keep the WT spyglass on their own actions, or those of others.....your purpose and that of others is what you make out of it sans a Dog....dam those internal termoils...

Sincerely.

District Overbeer

scootergirl

I can relate......I felt such "emptiness" after I left the borg. No longer was I a dub, no longer a RP, no longer did I have any friends (cause all the dubs deserted me and I didn't have that many worldly ones due to the dubs) and no longer did I have a family. I wasn't continually working my ass off for the "prize"....it was terrible. I floundered for awhile...tried my hands at whatever I thought could make me happy. Then......

I learned to enjoy life. Find my niche and paced myself. I started to find out who the true person I was. I found out my talents and skills. Took up hobbies. I started to enjoy the freedom that came w/leaving the dubs. It has been a long, hard road...but damnit, each day gets so much better.

Bang

"..He is not far from each one of us, for 'In him we live and move and have our being.." [Acts]

What now? Help the needy - without payment - it is the right thing to do.

This is it, so be the hero of your Adventure.

Bang

FreeFallin

HomebutHiding

I know how you're feeling, and it's a painful place to be. It does get better though. You will go thru the stages of grief because you have lost someone.....your former self. Every answer you thought you had to every question no longer fits. Eternal life is no longer guaranteed. Nothing is the same.

It's wonderful that you're going back to school. That takes determination and courage. Try to fill your summer with the things you always wanted to do, but couldn't. You will survive this, and best of luck to you.

FreeFallin

P.S. Love your name, it describes what I've been doing lately!

Francois

2SYN (and everyone else) makes good points for you. And that Orwell book is an excellent place to start.

I'd also recommend "The True Believer" by Eric Hoffer. It's relatively short and really does put a fine point on where you're at and why.

I also lost the ability to trust ANY man-made, organized religion. And that has stayed with me. So the only alternative open to me, since I rejected religion, was to discover how to establish, develop, and maintain a relationship with God directly. And after I had done that, I realized that was intended to be the technique of our relationship with God all along: direct, living, personal, private relationship with God the Father as a child of that same Father full-fledged, with no need ever to allow any other person or group of people to arrogate to themselves some position of "divine go-between." I recognize only The Carpenter as a go-between.

But it is very hard to misunderstand the clear statement in Romans: "For all who are led by the spirit of God are the Children of God." And in applying that literally myself has been the most liberating, informing, validating, growing thing I've ever done. I heartily recommend you accomplish the personal realization of this releasing truth.

Francois

Robdar

HomebutHiding,

I empathise with what you are going through. My parents have been going through the same feelings that you have since they left the org after the Dateline episode. They feel betrayed, lonely and without purpose. It is particularly hard for them since they have been JW's for almost 40 years. I went through similar feelings 20 years ago when I left. I was lonely, depressed, suicidal. It is never easy to lose one's religion.

What Francois said is very true:

"So the only alternative open to me, since I rejected religion, was to discover how to establish, develop, and maintain a relationship with God directly. And after I had done that, I realized that was intended to be the technique of our relationship with God all along: direct, living, personal, private relationship with God the Father as a child of that same Father full-fledged, with no need ever to allow any other person or group of people to arrogate to themselves some position of "divine go-between." "

Homebuthiding, it does get better. So much better. You will find your niche, your purpose in life. You will make new friends and have all sorts of interesting experiences. Your courage and honesty will light your way. Going back to college is a great way to start off in your new life.

When you are depressed, remember that this too will pass. I wish you all the best. I wish you love.

Introspection

Hi Home,

Yes, of course many of us have been there. I would first start by challenging another belief you seem to be holding, that you will not be able to trust or believe in anything anymore. How can you be sure of that? Is this really true, or might it be another belief that will become obsolete along with the rest of the JW inspired stuff you used to hold?

Purpose is overrated, and emptiness is misunderstood, as far as I'm concerned. To me "purpose" is just another word for judgement, the way it is usually used, people tend to measure themselves against a goal or something they set out to do, and in the process they get so caught up that they forget it is just some other thing. (assuming they had that perspective at some point before that) The assumption that you have to have some definite purpose is itself a judgement, that if you have no purpose and goals in your life you're somehow worth less than other people. Sorry, but that's just bullshit.

This gets into emptiness. Most people have this idea that if you are empty you mean nothing, so that you are also worth nothing. Well, I will say that is only half true. The other part of that is that emptiness is pure potentiality, it is full of possibilities, whereas some smart ass who thinks they're hot stuff with their lofty life goals are simply locked into their assumptions about life and success in life. This doesn't mean people who have no goals are better than those who do, either, it just depends on what you think of them and the perspective you have. If someone really has a clue they'll know that it's just another thing in life, and that the most important thing is life itself.

DanTheMan

Just having disassociated a few months ago, I relate to what you're going through big time. It is so disillusioning to have ALL the answers, only to discover that it is all a big FARCE, and that real life is HARD AS HELL, and seems, at times, UTTERLY POINTLESS.

I personally don't recommend "The True Believer" to anyone struggling with feelings of life being purposeless. It is a chillingly accurate sociological treatise, and for me, it only served to reinforce the pessimistic views of humanity that I had/have that made me such a great candidate for the borg. Same with Orwells book, a little too dark.

There are no easy answers.

What now, withno PURPOSE?

Share this