Nothing would please me more than to walk out the KH door while giving them the 1 finger salute. Yet I know realistically while my parents are alive this is just not an option. They have got no idea of my views and I'm sure if they did it would send them to an early grave. Just be thankful that I'm faded and keep my mouth shut for the time being.
Disfellowship, Disassociate, or fade. What would you do different.
by John Aquila 23 Replies latest jw experiences
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joe134cd
Like others have said here my biggest regret was not having done it sooner. Perhaps early to mid 20s would of been ideal. -
The Searcher
Everyone has to deal with their personal situation in ways that are going to suit them.
I am prepared to withdraw totally, but that would cause my wife to "lose" her family, so we play our own game by condescendingly attending "the only place of true worship in our town", once per month!
Outwith that traumatic 2 hour experience - no contact with local J.W.'s . It's working perfectly!
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tiki
what I would have done differently?? gotten out way-way-WAY sooner than I did...........don't know what I was hanging on so long for.......bad habit, I guess.................. -
paulmolark
I DA'ed, and I would change nothing. There is literally no way that I would allow myself to continue to be a part of that organization. DA'ing allowed me to be my genuine self in a way that fading would not do. I did not want elders stopping by, I did not want my parents asking me if and when I was coming back, I did not want people wondering if I was in or out. I have a few friends that faded and it is like the org gorilla is still on their back. We went to a local bar and two of these guys were still worried that someone would see them and report back which would result in "trouble" for them. They talked about selling their homes and moving away so they could "be free". I would rather play by what some would call "their rules" then spend my life running around and watching my step out of fear that I would get caught somehow. I do understand some having the desire to do it but it is not in my cards.
I sat down with my wife beforehand and told her that I was done and I was withdrawing my name from that organization. I informed her that if she was not ready to deal with it then I understood if she had to do what she had to do. She was hurt etc... but she saw that I was serious. My children as well, I talked to them and told them why I was leaving. They understood. I had to set the example and cut ties completely.
I can however officially say I am not one of them and no one can ever tie me to being a member of that group in anyway shape or form. I lost a lot of friends but ultimately I would not want to be friends with people who can not be their genuine selves at all times.
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TheFadingAlbatros
Would you fade, but nevertherless still be registered inside the Mafia, or disassociate yourself from this organization ?
I think it's better for one's comfort and for the sake of true justice to remain completely outside of some organizations and drink your cofee with a free and unmanipulated mind.
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tiki
seriously - it depends on how you feel and how much grief or anger or upheaval you are willing to accept. I was fading for years before I even realized that was what was happening. I had the cognitive dissonance - now in retrospect - probably since I was old enough to reason as a young teenager...
for me it was flying under the radar for years -not even realizing I was "out of it"....and sometimes I would "plan a comeback" (like go to more than a sunday meeting) (had quit fs a long time....all it did was give me diarrhea)....so fade was a natural.
at one point I was seriously considering writing a DA letter, then I figured that would be playing into their hands - like actually assigning them power over me in some sense and I'd be damned if I was going to do that. Those guys are no better or worse than the rest of humanity - just people like the rest of us. Some good, some bad....some idiots, some with a functioning brain.........but we are all flawed.
my husband entertained an octogenarian ex-elder for several months - the poor old soul needed some easy time.....and my husband tried in vain to enlighten him - but from what I gather a circ ov finally told him to cease and desist because my husband had made it very clear that he was not returning to the kh.
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cofty
Personally I would not have attended a judicial committee. What is the point? I would have stopped all activity and refused to discuss my reasons with anybody.
Disassociating yourself is still playing by their rules.
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paulmolark
"I think it's better for one's comfort and for the sake of true justice to remain completely outside of some organizations and drink your cofee with a free and unmanipulated mind."
Agreed.
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paulmolark
Many organizations have people who write letters to make it publicly known that they no longer want to belong to them, not just JW's. Either way "playing by their rules " one last time and leaving and having no link to them is far more freeing then a fade in which one lives their life as if they are still a part of the group.