Grammer For Dummies

by Farkel 25 Replies latest social humour

• 

  Xander

  A Plan for the Improvement of English Spelling

  by Mark Twain

  For example, in Year 1 that useless letter "c" would be dropped to be replased either by "k" or "s", and likewise "x" would no longer be part of the alphabet. The only kase in which "c" would be retained would be the "ch" formation, which will be dealt with later. Year 2 might reform "w" spelling, so that "which" and "one" would take the same konsonant, wile Year 3 might well abolish "y" replasing it with "i" and Iear 4 might fiks the "g/j" anomali wonse and for all.

  Jenerally, then, the improvement would kontinue iear bai iear with Iear 5 doing awai with useless double konsonants, and Iears 6-12 or so modifaiing vowlz and the rimeining voist and unvoist konsonants. Bai Iear 15 or sou, it wud fainali bi posibl tu meik ius ov thi ridandant letez "c", "y" and "x" -- bai now jast a memori in the maindz ov ould doderez -- tu riplais "ch", "sh", and "th" rispektivli.

  Fainali, xen, aafte sam 20 iers ov orxogrefkl riform, wi wud hev a lojikl, kohirnt speling in ius xrewawt xe Ingliy-spiking werld.
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  SYN

  Damn, that would mean having to write the spellcheckers on everyone's computers! ARGH!
• 

  Farkel

  Jan,: guess learning to spell "grammar" comes in part 2

  No, we can deal with that now. May I have everyone's attention please? Gramer has only one "m" and no dots or spermys.

  There, Jan. Happy now? I suppose you're going to now tell me I spelt puctation rong, two.

  Farkel
• 

  larc

  Farkel, I axed you to give some explaination of the exclamation point, but you did not address my point, so I am left do my best without the master's (Farkel's) guidance so here I go. History of the exclamation point: In times past, many people thought that the exclamation point was a symbol of the telephone pole that Jesus died upon. This has never been proven. In more modern times, Freud saw the exclamation point as a phallic symble, a dick, for those who don't know what phallic means. Now, both theories have pretty much been discounted. So, most grammarians believe that the exclamation point was given to Moses as an adjunct to the ten commandments. The exclamation point is the reason that Moses could get really pissed when he came down from the mountain and saw the golden calf. That is my version of history, and I am sticking to it. Now, the question is: how shoud (!) be used. (!) should only be used if you are excited. For example. You might say, I like pizza. Now, if pizza really turns you on, then you should write, I luv Pizza! (!) should only be used in moderation. Excessive use of (!) will cause people to think that you are manic and your friends might want to put you in an institution ...... waiting for my diploma from Farkel.
• 

  IslandWoman

  Hello Larc,

  No game playing here. Glad to see you are still up.

  IW
• 

  NewWay

  Has anyone noticed how the society's publications are full of indefinite articles?