I feel like Im going mad!

Rich_Nice22

At this moment in time, I am currently a JW and work for a school in Birmingham UK.

I know alot of people on this site are not Jehovahs Witnesses and from their postings have no time for them.

But anyway......

About two years ago I split up with my girlfriend and ended up on the scrap heap - I was devestated. I had a breakdown and was on anti-depressants for a period of time. In the meantime afterwards I met another Sister and started courting her. I still hadn't got over my previous girlfriend and treated my present girlfriend really bad. I had no intention to be serious - I was just on the rebound.

We split up 4 months later, my head was even more screwed up because I know I had hurt her really bad and I wasn't over my previous GF! I begged her to take me back. She just wouldn't have it and basically told me to move on.

In the following months I ended up in hospital with Pericarditus(muscle swelling around the heart) and was very ill. After that my ex-girlfriend started to get in contact with me and to see how I was. I even then tried to sort things out and try again, but she didn't understand how I had felt previously and that I had made a genuine mistake, she still knocked me back. Then around December last year she asked me to go out for dinner with her - I was tempted and agreed. She let me down at the last minute. I snapped! Told her not to bother me again if all she was going to do was let me down!(as it wasn't the first time she had arranged to meet up and then let me down).

After leaving Hospital I spent a lot of time on my own and started applying for other jobs - I was delighted to geta job which was good money and convenient hours.

Anyway, I started my job and began enjoying it but unfortunately since, I have been bullied in my job and as a result, my health has suffered. When im stressed it starts to show up because I start to have sore throats and mouth ulcers. Having had a breakdown before, all the symptoms came back and my rebuilt confidence is now in tatters

I have been off work now for 7 weeks and don't want to go back. I am back on sleeping tablets and feel in despair. I feel all the good work I have put in has been ruined by my boss at work and all the belief in the Truth has not made me feel any better. I feel incapable of doing anything. I have come off the Ministry School and dont go out with friends anymore. They think I am a social recluse! I would rather spend my time at home, and to stay away from people.

My friends call/text me to tell me the latest girls they are going out with etc, but I am not interested in dating anymore - I can't be bothered! I just laugh at them and tell them they "are mad" to get involved with anyone!

What is wrong with me? I feel totally out of energy and useless. I feel that no girls want to be bothered with me because of my reputation with disasterous relationships. I only mentioned two but there are others!!

Anyone got any advice?!

Rich Nice x

joannadandy

You're quite obviously depressed, and it's having effects on your health.

If you aren't talking to a therapist--YOU SHOULD! This sounds very serious, and advice from amatuers is not what you need, you need to talk to a trained therapist!!

SYN

This guy has no time for me! *SOB*

Edited to add: Maybe you should move to a different Kingdom Hall where you don't have a "reputation"? Then again, now that I think about it, your reputation would probably follow you. That's what I would do in your situation. I am not a Witness, but I can be your (online) friend, provided of course you don't let that get between us! Oh, and welcome to the site, BTW! You'll find all the manner of good advice here...

Edited by - SYN on 20 June 2002 16:53:35

MrMoe 2

Leave the Dubs and start a whole new life!!! Like I wanna be any part of a religion that my SUPPOSED freinds classify me! Specially after all your severe health issues. There are so many more fish in the sea sweety. SYN is right, your rep will follow you... just hte nature of the WATCHTOWER BEAST.

Kisses,

Moe

P.S. Make friends with us, we are a pretty cewl bunch

butalbee

Well, I'm not a JW so I don't know if I can offer you a 'wholesome' perspective.

Depression is like abyssal dismay, it penetrates deep inside like a bottomless dark pit, it eats you up, making you feel worthless, even affect your health, like you have nothing left to live for, nothing to wake up to see, even blue skies turn to gray. The sun could be shining, but you're stuck in a darkened state. It's a horrible way to live. I know this very well.

But life is what you make it. Love is what you let it be. Life is a meandering highway, full of twists and turns, cliffs and potholes that get in your way, but there are other highways that you can take to reach your destination and some of them are smooth straight paths that lead you in the right direction. It's your choice the road you take. And love is like a rollercoaster ride, you just have to hang on tight and see what happens.

I've come to the realization that there's incredible strength inside that can battle any hardship and will actually make you stronger, but finding that strength is all up to you.

Edited by - butalbee on 20 June 2002 17:16:47

Rich_Nice22

I dont think it would matter if I was a JW or not - although being a JW stops me from giving the boss I work for a mouthful of abuse! That is a protection in itself. I have not always been like this, it started especially after my very bad relationship ended which basically ruined my life! I'm over her now, just not over the pain that it has caused - which has come back to make me feel worthless now my job is going wrong!

Some of the replies I shan't reply to but thanks all the same to the people who have been supportive.

I dont agree with therapy - I had it when I had my breakdown and all it did was make me feel like I was going nuts!

I know I can get over the way I feel - but they say "once a victim, always a victim". Especially when it comes to bullying at work.

Valis

Rich_Nice22 you ever hear the old passage "What you sow, ye shall reap'? If your initial words are any indication of the way you treat people you don't even know I can imagine how you might treat those that have to deal with you every day. Since you have discounted several good suggestions, I'll give you my observation and you can respond, go get bent, read the Awake, your pick...It seems to me you have spent too much whining about chicks who obviously didn't want to be with you, and not enough taking care of yourself, both mentally and physically. (Maybe a moment of self reflection on why they left in is in order). Sorry to hear about your illness, but join the "great crowd" my friend as we all have a bad spot from time to time. It would also appear that you have no concept of being in charge of your own self esteem. Its OK to be an emotional wreck after getting dumped, but your continued depressive behavior is so typical of the average JW. YOU never become important until its too late...finding approval from others paramount to your own self worth will kill you every time. Get off your ass, stop feeling sorry for yourself, get some new friends if they can possibly stand you, find a hobby, organized sports, take a FunEd class, go on a journey, be spontaneous, and most of all try reading a little more before making an ass of yourself.

Sincerely,

District Overbeer

LDH

Hi Rich...

Welcome to the DB.

I am going to preface my remarks to you by saying usually, I don't give a rat's ass about other people's sex life.

HOWEVER, growing up a JW and hearing over and over how it's a sin to masturbate (it isn't) and you have to get married before you can do missionary position only sex, it's no wonder so many young JW are leaving the ranks.

You need to stop dealing with people who are playing games. If you are playing games, you need to stop that too.

I've never been in therapy, but you say it felt like your head was going to explode....perhaps you were about to make a break-through.

The JW religion works for some people. But it doesn't work for all of them, even if they were raised in it. You need to evaluate your needs with a professional therapist.

Short of that, go have casual sex with someone. Wear a rubber.

Lisa

mpatrick

Valis,

Everyone needs at least one friend like you! Sometimes we need to hear the things that may hurt us the most, but in the end will help us take a deeper look at ourselves.

excellent advice by the way!

SpiceItUp

go have casual sex with someone. Wear a rubber.

Lisa is right on that one....it will boost up your ego a tad bit.

As far as the therapy goes. I have been to therapy before and it has helped. I agree that you were probably on the verge of a breakthrough...but maybe too scared to have it. I would say that you will have to hit the valley before you can climb the mountain. It will get worse (how worse I don't know) before it will get better and it won't happen overnight. You will have to work hard at it and not give up. I think instead of concentrating on a love/sex life you need to concentrate on who you are and start to love yourself. I wish you luck on your journey and may you find your inner peace.

Spice

I feel like Im going mad!

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