Chilhood Memories

by space 12 Replies latest jw friends

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  space

  I was sitting here thinking about my childhood for a while. I was just thinking about how angry and disturbed I was at a very young age. I was raised from the womb to be a JWs,my dad was a elder and all that. But I was wondering if anybody ever lashed out the way I did? When no one was around I would torture frogs, shoot birds, burn things,beat sticks against trees, beat on my little cousins,anything to lash out and looking back at it now it is kinda scary. And I was always did these things when no one was looking. And at the same time that I was doing this I felt horrible and scared but it was almost if I couldn't control it.

  I also used to sit and daydream during the meetings when I was young about people coming in and shooting everybody, and would think of as many plases I could hide or excape. And this went on for years until I excaped.

  I am out now for about 7 years now and Im over all of that crap, well not completely just the torturing things and the sick thoughts. Please share your experiences.

  Space
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  LDH

  Space, welcome.

  I think you will find you are not alone when you say you had a bizarre youth!

  Click on "search" in the upper left hand corner and type in "children" or "experiences" or "smurfs", LOL, you'll find a ton of reading material.

  Lisa
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  space

  Thanks LDH , I also had experieces with the other side or "demons" or whatever they call it too. The stories could go on and on. I guess Im cool with it now but it bothers me that I was put through that. I guess im just venting.

  Space
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  larc

  Hi Space, welcome to our community. This is a place where you can vent, rant and rave. We all have done it.

  I am glad that your mental health has improved so much in the last seven years. Hey, it can only get better.
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  space

  Thanks alot Larc I appreciate it.
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  Incense_and_Peppermints

  dear space,

  i never did those things, but my brother did. i'm sorry you were in such pain. but you shouldn't feel bad about what you did as a little child. i'm glad you're out. the worst is over and the best is yet to be

  love,
  ~incense and peppermints
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  saltiest

  I never lashed out physically, but I sure yelled a lot. I recall being so damn angry at my parents, specifically my dad because he never went to meetings (yet he still preached the JW crap to me). My dad had a nasty temper and I think the only way I learned how to "deal" with his emotional abuse and all the JW rules was by immitating him. I yelled at him, I yelled at my mom, my sisters, and sometimes I would go into the bathroom, turn on the loud fan and scream until I couldn't scream anymore.

  To this day I have to fight my temper, but thanks to Lithium and determination, I've learned how to control it for the most part.

  On second though, now that I remember, I used to kick walls and doors often, but I think that was the extent of letting things out physically.

  I did have a friend in the congregation who did things similar to you, and it wasn't until her family left the Borg that she finally got help. The whole time when she was a child they thought she was "just a troublemaker" and even put her in a mental hospital.

  I can't even imagine how many others experienced their JW childhood who had all these emotions inside them but unable to express them because it was always "wrong".

  Alicia
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  joeshmoe

  space,

  Glad you're here!! I'm new here myself. The board is great, as are all the contributors.

  Hope to read more of your posts!

  P.S. I'm glad you're days of doling out beatings and torture are behind you because I bruise easily.
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  terafera

  I still remember 'study' time for our family. It was a very stressful, tense time. We were supposed to fit the model of a perfect jw family...my mother would scream for us to find the scriptures quicker, 'ANSWER LOUDER', sit straight, incorporate a scripture... I would get a knot in my stomach that lasted the whole evening.

  Add that to being a social freak and loner....it gets very depressing. I've heard some jw's that have good stories about their youth....I'm just not one of them.
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  scootergirl

  I have very few memories of my childhood.........it is like years have been erased. Sometimes I want to remember, sometimes I don't.