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Xander

you will only ever be able to do the missionary position

You think he's joking BUT HE'S NOT!!! WARNING WARNING!!! DANGER WILL ROBINSON!!!

--Xander F
(of the 'Birdseed Class')

SYN

LOL @ Xander!

Oh, and did I mention that ORAL is BANNED??? If you ever want your Little General to have half as much fun again, you'd better find a different religion/girlfriend sharpish!

And if you DO decide to go through with this, beware, there will be a small group of men (the "Elder Class", although they fake modesty by just calling themselves "Elders") who will know ALL ABOUT EVERYTHING THAT HAPPENS IN YOUR BEDROOM! They will wink at you when you walk past & stuff and be like "So, Brother, did you enjoy your evening?" Note that you are not allowed to say "Are you feeling lucky, punk?" to these men, because they are of a higher Class than you...

Xander

did I mention that ORAL is BANNED

Damn straight! Anal goes without saying, too. Can't be doing any of that disgusting stuff homosexuals do. Except kissing - that's okay. Just not in public. Oh, holding hands is okay, too. And sending each other nice, chaste, love letters. But, none of the OTHER stuff homosexuals can do. That's all frowned on by god. He just made it feel really good because he's a big ol' tease.

SYN

He just made it feel really good because he's a big ol' tease.

Yeah, he's a prankster all right! Like when that guy got swallowed by the whale, what a crack-up that was! And that thing he does with His nostrils...classic...

Xander

Oh, yeah, and that being the first and the last thing...but then, halfway through the show, suddenly having his son ALSO be the first and last. That little switch-aroo throws the audience EVERY time!

(But the audience participation in the lions' den is great - I tell ya, Siegfried and Roy having NOTHING on this guy - you never know until the last minute if the audience member was faithful enough not to be eaten! Boy, what a crack-up that gets!)

Edited by - Xander on 24 June 2002 17:27:55

MrMoe

If your girlfriend is a JW, you're 1) not going to be with her very long unless you are assimilated into the (B)Organization, and 2) you will only ever be able to do the missionary position. Prepare for a life of spectacularly boring luvin'.

Classic, this is classic --

And yes Overseer, yes yes, Oral is BANNED, no joke! It is considered unclean!

Except kissing - that's okay. Just not in public. Oh, holding hands is okay, too. And sending each other nice, chaste, love letters.

Just watch your toungue tho, it has been mentioned when I was "good" little JW girl that french kissing was "borderline." I kid you not! Chaste, yes yes, everything must be chaste. Are hand jobs banned also? Not so sure on that one?

Prepare for a very figid lifestyle. Wow, sounds so cruel like we are beating this guy up, but honestly hun, it is the truth... well the JW's don't have "Da Troof" but that is a whole other ball of wax my dear, a whole other ball of wax...

And, no "luvin" till you are married - unless she is a bad little dub...

Kisses,

Moe

Edited by - MrMoe on 24 June 2002 22:11:38

LyinEyes

Great descriptions of the classes of JW. Farkel!!! LOL

Of course they can change these classes on a whim. When one of the old men up there have a dream or how ever they receive "new light".

Xander

Are hand jobs banned also? Not so sure on that one?

"Manual stimulation of a partner's genitals"? I think that's how they phrased it?

I seem to recall this was right out, too. For the same reason as oral & anal - because it is 'what homosexuals do' - specifically 'left the natural use of the female and became violently inflamed' blahblahblah.

Seriously. Since 'the natural use of the femle' is apparently limited to participating in missionary sex, everything else is banned - even within the marriage.

The major point is that 'lust' is wrong, even for your own spouse. Everything must be done with godly, chaste conduct in mind.

SYN

Moe, I am violently inflamed!

And, no "luvin" till you are married - unless she is a bad little dub...

Oddly enough, there are more of those than you would think!

MrMoe

SYN -- I am such a bad little ex-dub... want some luvin? I need some therapy...

Xander --

The major point is that 'lust' is wrong, even for your own spouse. Everything must be done with godly, chaste conduct in mind.

ACK! Lust damn it, I WANT LUST!!! Chaste? WTF is that?

Naughty Kisses,

Moe

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