by paulmolark 90 Replies latest jw experiences
I'm sorry about your abusive parent. You're right,she would be abusive whether she was a Witness or not.
I would probably just tell her,if people like you are going to be in the new system,don't think I want to be a part of it.
Now,that you know her number,I'd block it. My rule is,if I don't know a number I don't answer. If it's an important call,they will tell me who they are in a message.
Anyway,wishing you and your family the best. I admire you for getting out for the sake of your children.
Short version I DA'ed.
Village Idiot, no it is not to personal. After beginning a fade I decided to DA.
When I finally decided that enough was enough I follow a lot of the advice here about fading etc and began one. ZI had a part on the DC and told the C.O. that due to being over-worked and things going on in my life I could not give the part.
That sparked a visit from him. After that visit I went to the rest of the elders and told them I was going to step down for personal reasons. This sparked more visits and love-bombing for me and my wife who was now worried. I tried to assure my wife that nothing was wrong with our relationship, it was just the fact that I was doing too much. Now my wife was worried and my children as well.
Then my mother starts with letters of "encouragement" and constant phone calls. My over-zealous brother as well. Then others dropping by that wanted to share scriptures. The meetings for service were at my home and it made me sick to my stomach to know this was going on.
In a nutshell, I was lying. I detest lying and liars. I was lying to my wife, to my kids and to people that I did not owe anything to just because I didn't want to just tell the truth and follow this course of fading. I could not keep this up for weeks or months. The hardest part was that I children. My daughter who had no interest before joined the school thinking this would make me happy. I WAS DONE. I knew that this happened only because of the lies.
So that weekend I told my wife the deal. I sat down with my son and daughter and explained to them how I felt and why. I apologized for not being genuine and let my wife know that I loved her as I always had and that nothing would change on my end. She cried and for the next month became consumed with study and KH activities. My daughter came into my office and we had a long talk. I came to find out that at 10 she was far more wise than I was at that age, she already didn't believe most JW doctrine because she said it was silly and didn't make sense. She said when I said I felt the same way she was happy about it. I cried tears of happiness and then focused on my wife. My youngest son was not the least bit indoctrinated because I did not study with them. He just wanted to play and have friends.
After a number of weeks of her crying and fake love and letters and etc... etc... etc.. I told my wife I was going to put in a letter because I was tired of faking it and that I no longer wanted people coming by and writing. She wanted me to show her why I felt the way I did and why I HAD to take this step. The next few days I did just that. She wasn't in happy about it but she understood it was not about her. I sent in the letter and all the bullshit stopped. No calls, the letters began to slow down to a trickle, no more surprise visits.
We moved on with life and never looked backed. The most important part about it was the fact that my wife told me that she was proud I stood up for myself and handled things the way I did. She said had I continued on with going much longer she is not sure she would have believed me when I finally told her the truth.
My dad was controlled by my mother. He always had self-esteem issues. He has only hit me once in my entire life and never hit my sister. There were times he tried to stop her but she literally was uncontrollable during these 5 to 10 minute beat-a-thons as me and my sister called them.
He was actually on my side through much of this but when the pressure crept in on him, he gave in. In their old age he stands up to her more and even goes so far as to try to stop her in some instances. Ultimately his backbone is in her hands.
My wife and I are doing very well. She never believed any of the foolishness. As you can imagine she has a deep level of contempt for her as well and refuses to ever let her speak to our children after that round of letters. My wife made her exit not too long after I did.
Paul I wish all the best for you and your family. Sounds like you have loving wife and children and a good career. You don't need her toxic presence in your life. There are so many good, kind people out there who can become close as family. Her call had to be terribly upsetting, but as the JWs always say when you get a nasty person at the door, shake the dust off your feet and move on.
paulomark - after reading your last post - I feel bad for you because you were obviously raised by at least one very abusive parent. there is no forgiveness for someone who treats her own children so viciously. and the phone call you took - well, you took it and you lashed back in your own way........let it go now...........you don't need that toxicity in your life. you have made your position clear and stick to your guns!!
another thing that really really annoys me is how they assume that since you left their organization you have left off a relationship with god. whether or not you believe in a god, a creator, and whatever name you attach to that being....what your personal stance is in that regard only you really know. they always assume that anyone who leaves their religion becomes automatically godless, and that is simply not true.
Paul, no one needs any special training to know that you are responding in kind to your mother.
You need to let it go if you are ever going to move forward. The way you are now, you are just being like her.
Attacking me changes nothing. It actually proves that you know I'm right.
I hope you get better.
PAULOMARK- After reading your thread and the letter your JW mother sent you- you have my complete support and understanding. This woman is a complete sociopath and abuser who is totally oblivious to the damage she causes to you and your family and even more- she doesn't care as she is completely narcissistic as well.
I mean her statement, " In the same vain that Jehovah saw fit to cast Satan down - out of his heavenly home and out of his love I have resolved in my heart to do the same. I have begged Jehovah to remove the motherly love I have for you in my heart. " This includes you and your family . " This is DISGUSTING and BARBARIC behavior. So she compares herself to " Jehovah " casting you out and then compares you to " Satan " - even compares by extension your wife and children to " Satan " by treating them the same.
There are no excuses for this woman. Mind controlled or not- she is just pure evil, vitriolic, and hateful. For her to even THINK that if there is a God in this universe that she would be forgiven for the child abuse she brought on you when you and your sister were younger ? She has another think coming. This woman and her husband need to be locked up and the key thrown away. I'm sorry- but that's how I see it. There is mind control - yes- but this goes beyond just simple mind control- her behavior is vindictive, cruel, and inhumane. I have an ex-wife that has treated her own son, my son in a similar manner and there are no words that can justify abhorrent, psychological and emotionally abusive behavior.
We are here as a support for you and offer our friendship. You are making the right decision in avoiding this cancerous person in you and your family's life. Talk about a bad influence- THAT SHE is. If you ever want to chat on the phone, just PM me my friend. Hang in there, Peace out, Mr. Flipper
PAUL- After reading the rest of page 3 I am very impressed with how you were able to openly communicate with your wife, daughter, and son about your doubts and it opened up freedom of speech even more so within your home with everyone in your home knowing where each other stood on the JW issues. That act in and of itself was VERY huge. It solidified and united your little family against the onslaught from your Ogre mom.
Also it seems after reading more I get the impression that your dad is totally dominated by your mom - is a total panty waste when it comes to standing up to her for her abusive behavior. And that's another reason your mom runs around unchecked like an abusive wild mustang butting heads with her children and trampling them down. I mean- hell- your mom should be thanking her lucky stars ( your unlucky stars ) that child protective services didn't come into your home when you guys were growing up and yank you and your siblings out of there. But the abuse she handed out to you was probably not known by anybody outside the home- I'm assuming ? Or am I wrong ? Did the elders in the congregations know at all or were they aware of it- and just turn their heads shrugging their shoulders ?
Bottom line in the here and now is you've done a good job in protecting your family from this abusive woman and I know you'll continue to do so. You are a good man, a good person in protecting your family from this emotional vampire who wants to hand out guilt and fear to you. Please know and realize that we care , hang in there bud
Not that I would answer, but if I did...I would say "Don't worry. Your Jehovah has definitely removed any motherly love you claimed you had."
I give allowance for family being in a dangerous mind control cult. But some are too far wrapped up in it. My condolences on the loss of family to Watchtower.
