Surgery for your child and the blood issue

anewlife

Monday morning my 14 y/o son was having severe abdominal pain in the lower right abdomen...diagnosis....appendicitis. Needless to say an emergency appendectomy was performed. All went very well as they did the procedure laparoscopicly and therefore he went home in 24 hours and is recovering nicely.

My question/thought to others is this: I was DF'd 2 years ago. My ex-husband has not attended meetings in nearly a year, but claims to still be a "believer." Of course, as in any emergency medical situation, the blood issue is approached. The forms to sign were presented. When I was a JW and very strong, denying the intake of any blood was an easy decision for me...NO WAY! Now when faced with the possibility of my son being in a situation where it might be necessary to sustain his life, my decision was a no-brainer.....absolutely! Do what you have to do! His father was annoyed with me when I verbalized this as we read the form...so I gave him the form and said, "Here, read it and you tell me what you would do in a situation if they said our son may die without it." He then presented me with the what ifs....what if he gets AIDS or hepatitis and has complications from the blood and dies anyway...then who bears the responsibility for his death then? Well, I refuted his questions and said he is my son, I want him to have life now as I no longer believe in life everlasting...Life is today! He then hands the form to me and says, "I won't take any responsibility...you sign." I might mention my son was baptized when he was 10. As he laid there in pain awaiting surgery I asked him how he felt about the possibility of needing and taking blood...he said, "I don't care, it's fine with me." So I signed the form with no regrets. Well, as I stated above, all went well and the need for blood was never an issue....I'm glad, as this means there was minimal blood loss and he'll recover faster.

I was wondering if anyone else has ever been in this type of situation and how you handled it? What were your feelings and thoughts at the time you were faced with this?

Your thoughts and comments are appreciated.

This is the first time I've ever started a topic... Thank you for reading/responding.

anewlife

Beck_Melbourne

Hello anewlife

Sorry to hear about your son....good gracious me...thats terrible. I'm so so glad to hear he is okay and recovering. Please give him a hug from me...poor little lamb chop!!

How are you coping?? Sounds like a very stressful situation....and yes...the blood issue has been discussed in my household since leaving the WT.

I have come to the conclusion that I would not hesitate to allow my kids to have blood and myself included. I have not yet told their JW father of my decisions....better left unsaid at this stage. When I first left the borg...I was still very much a believer..and I used to write on the kids school forms that under no circumstances were they to receive blood. I have since had my comments removed...as over the last couple of years my view of the bible and the society has changed and my respect for their father has diminished, as you well know.

I think it is wise to discuss it with your son's father...but if your decision on blood causes him distress...it may be worth avoiding the subject for now...but should be bought up later when the situation has calmed and when it isn't so emotional. Your ex is no longer a practicing jw...so it could be that he will be more yeilding once the emotion of it all has settled.

Those are my thoughts...and yes its certainly something we have to give some thought to as parents once we leave.

All the best anewlife and hugs to you all.

Beck

DakotaRed

I haven't ever really faced that situation, but have my thoughts on it.

I will admit that there are circumstances where you might fare better without receiving blood, but feel it is a decision to be left strictly between the doctor and patient, no one else. I might be inclined to ask about no blood surgery, if needed, but would not just refuse it without first discussing both sides of it with a qualified doctor, not some brainwashed elder.

I think life is precious and should be saved by the best means possible. I had similar surgery when I was 18, long ago and long before becoming a dub. To tell the truth, I don't know if they gave me blood or not. But, if they did, I haven't experienced any problems at from it. That was nearly 36 years ago, so if I was going to get someting from it, I think it would have shown up by now.

I think you did right. Even though blood was not needed, your son's life is more precious than some archaic doctrine.

Lew W.

bitter mango

(((anewlife))) i'm glad you now have the freedom to choose and DID choose for your son to accept blood if necessary. i'm happy things went well!

Naeblis

Ok.. so blood is sacred because the life is in it? Since much of our body is made of water.. and it's a "lifeblood" in a sense, should drinking water be against gods law??? Hmmmmmm

LyinEyes

I am so glad your son is doing well. I know that is a scarey feeling and very traumatic , hope you are doing ok too.

I was faced with the blood issue 4 times, all times life and death situations. My mother, my self and my unborn babies. My youngest was a premature baby and had several surgeries.

At all those times I was an active witness, and I wouldnt have given them blood. The exception was my premature baby, we had seen him suffer so much , I didnt care if he needed it to live ,I was going to secretly give it to him. I was very willing at that point to be d/f , but at least I would have my son.

I am so glad that things turned out for the best and no blood was needed. Me and the babies always made it thru and the premmie is a rowdy normal 7 yr old boy. Each of my kids hold the key to my heart and I cant think of life without them. It makes me sick to think that I would have sacrificed them for the WTBS.... I cry sometimes thinking of what an idiot I was , and what could have happened.

Now , there is absolutely no question in my mind what I would do. I would do whatever it took to save their lives.

What makes me sick also, is that the WTBS will probably change their view on blood. You know the "new light" crap . It makes me so sad for the parents that made that choice and their precious children passed away. Can you imagine how they would feel if the WT says , it's ok AFTERALL, to take blood??? If it were me, I would lose my mind, and there would be hell to pay.

Sam Beli

Hello Anewlife,

What you have faced is a very awakening experience. I too faced the blood issue a few years ago. You can read my experience here (Blood Saved My Life): http://www.ajwrb.org/experiences/happy.shtml

I hope you and your son can continue to enjoy your "new life."

Sam

dobby

This is the VERY issue that sealed my leaving. My son needed minor surgery last December. I didn't worry about blood because the surgery was very low risk.

However, while waiting for my son to come out of surgery, it was like blinders fell from my eyes. I just thought what the hell am I doing? What kind of parent am I? I had signed that release saying no blood before he went in, but I knew that I would tear up that document in a second if he needed blood. I didn't care if I got disfellowshipped or if I would have to bar my husband from my son's room. There was NO WAY he was going down for the WTS.

A day later I asked my husband "What would you have done if our son needed blood?" He was really quiet, mumbled something about non-blood alternatives, but I knew he was troubled about it. Now we are both on the same page and will never deny our child anything, including blood, that might save his life.

This issue makes me so angry for so many reasons. Just the mere fact that we are told to make such a decision for our UNBAPTIZED child is disgusting. It seems they would be exempt until baptized, that we shouldn't have to make such a sacrifice. It is just evil. I mean even if you believe the bible literally, God never really intended for Abraham to kill Isaac. God could sacrifice his son because well, he is GOD, he is not going to go through the trauma we would experience as humans.

I could go on about this for pages. I am just really happy your son is healing and doing well. Much love to you and your family.

concerned mama

Believe it or not, we worldly people worry about blood too...not in the same way JW do, but there is always a concern. I am in a medical field, so I have known the pros/cons of blood for a long time.

Blood is a life saver, not a convenience. Would I accept blood just to raise my moderately low hemoglobin instead of taking iron supplements? No, of course not, that would be medically irresponsible.

Would I accept blood for myself or my family to save a life? You bet I would!!!!! The proven benefit (life) is more than balanced by any possible risk (possible future health problems).

All of the physicians that I know, and whose judgment and skill I trust, are extremely conservative about using blood, and I know if they prescribe it, there is a definite medical necessity for its use.

concerned mama

Balsam

MY SON DIED!!!!!! DON'T REFUSE LIFE SAVING BLOOD BECAUSE OF THE WTS!!!!

Read my story which is a new addition to the AJWBR.com 6/20/02 the New one.

He was only 15, share the story with your childs father too. I still feel my son would at least be alive if he had recieved blood at the very beginning at the hospital when he was bleeding so badly.

Balsam aka Mary

Surgery for your child and the blood issue

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