Okay, it appears that some of you are venturing forth onto the literary scene. I feel it my obligation to present to you a few basic faux pas that should be avoided if you are going to survive in this very volatile environment.
Today, the emphasis is on being politically correct. So here are a few rules on that subject:
When writing about women please remeber that in today's world:
1) She is not a babe or a chick...she is a breasted American!
2) She is not a SCREAMER or a MOANER - She is VOCALLY APPRECIATIVE.
3) She is not EASY - She is HORIZONTALLY ACCESSIBLE
4) She does not TEASE or FLIRT - She engages in ARTIFICIAL STIMULATION.
5) She is not DUMB - She is a DETOUR OFF THE INFORMATION SUPERHIGHWAY.
6) She has not BEEN AROUND - She is a PREVIOUSLY ENJOYED COMPANION.
7) She is not KINKY - She is a CREATIVE CARETAKER.
Now when writing about men please strive to avoid the most common pitfalls. Here are some important things to remember:
1) He does not have a BEER GUT - He has developed a LIQUID GRAIN STORAGE FACILITY
2) He is not a BAD DANCER - He is OVERLY CAUCASIAN.
3) He does not GET LOST ALL THE TIME - He INVESTIGATES ALTERNATIVE DESTINATIONS
4) He is not BALDING - He is in FOLLICLE REGRESSION.
5) He is not a CRADLE ROBBER - He prefers GENERATIONALLY DIFFERENTIAL RELATIONSHIPS
6) He does not get FALLING DOWN DRUNK - He becomes ACCIDENTALLY HORIZONTAL.
7) He does not act like a TOTAL ASS - He develops a case of RECTAL-CRANIAL-INVERSION
8) He is not a SEX MACHINE - He is ROMANTICALLY AUTOMATED.
Now I do hope that you keep these in mind. I have a few more I'll post later....