Alternative Definitions To WTS-Related Terms

NewWay

ALTERNATIVE DEFINITIONS TO WTS-RELATED WORDS AND TERMS

* 'Great Crowd' - A large group of people who turned up too late to catch the bus to heaven.

* 'Prophetic Date' - A type of fruit that may look good on the outside, but which some people find leaves a bitter after-taste, and others find too hard to swallow.

* 'Theocratic Ministry School Talk' - A speaking assignment which when given by a female requires ignoring the audience and talking to someone else.

* 'Shepherding Call' - A very rare meeting designed specially for those who think that five meetings a week is a bit much.

* 'Bible Study' - A course of instruction that requires very little creativity due to the fact that each study book comes complete with all the right conclusions.

* 'Assembly' - Romantic hunting ground for young people.

* 'Beard' - Something worn by male JWs to prevent being lumbered with 'theocratic privileges'.

Please add your own alternative definitions below!

dustrabbit

Watchtower and Awake magazines: Two Bibical-based magazines that claim they can provide all of the Daily Recommended Allowance of Educational Needs of rednecks

Home schooling: An alternative to public school for young Dubs. All educational materials included in the WTS recommended educational course outline: Bible, Watchtower, and Awake magazines (see above).

Chaperone:
To Dub parents: A nice old lady who used to be the kids' babysitter. New mission: Don't let the kids discover the birds and the bees.

Chaperone:
To the young Dub couple: An old, bitch who just won't keel over and die at the appropriate moment.

"Young People Ask": A weak version of Public Service Announcements. Not to be confused with realistic advice.

Masterbation: Me-ism with a twist.

Judicial Committee meeting: A "fact-binding" mission comprised of horny old men who can't afford Viagra.

Apostates: Any Dubs smart enough to wake up and smell the coffee and can now see the REAL "new light."

"New Light": A group of old, horny, viriginal men lighting up on some big fat green cigarettes or peyote....take your pick, name your poison.

"Worldly" people: The fun crowd.

The Great Crowd: The boring crowd.

Jehovah's Witnesses: The Church of Used Car Salepeople.

District Conventions: for teens and single males (and more than a few females): T & A scouting parties
for kids: hell.
for adults: a chance to get off from work and to be bored silly.

Any version of the JW Songbook: An excuse for any poor sap who couldn't make it in a off-off-off-off-off-off-off-off-way-fuckin'-off-Broadway musical.

Edited by - dustrabbit on 28 June 2002 7:14:53

City Fan

Kingdom Hall - A place people go to cure insomnia.

The Truth - An ever changing and evolving set of ideas and rules.

Awake magazine - A magazine that deals with more 'topical subjects'. Does the opposite of what the name implies.

Pioneer - A person with an inability to walk above 0.2 mph.

Special Pioneer - A person who walks slower than a pioneer.

Elder - A bullshitter

Ministerial Servant - A person adept at wielding a microphone on a stick.

Pioneer Sister - A girl who goes like a steam train.

Bethelite - Man/Woman who has had a lobotomy.

New System - A place fruit pickers dream about.

peterstride

I'm on the floor lauging!!!!

Peter

SYN

"Brain" - something a Witness doesn't need, because all of his/her thinking has already been done for them by the GB.

"Freedom of Speech" - Again, something a Witness doesn't need.

"Rape" - Fornication initiated by a woman.

"Child Abuse" - What not sparing the rod is all about.

"Field Service" - Wandering around at ridiculous times on a Saturday morning knocking on doors, usually with little or no effect.

"Pioneer Crawl" - Famous gait employed by all pioneers to stretch their time in the ministry to enormous lengths.

"Rutherford" - Amazingly spiritual guy, credited with many of the reforms in the religion of Jehovah's Witnesses. Great all rounder, a good figure to follow.

NewWay

* 'Truth' - A type of food manufactured in Brooklyn, dished out by elders, swallowed by the congregation, and excreted into the neighbourhood.

SYN

LOL @ NewWay!

Knotty_boy

Drama- 45 minutes alloted at Conventions, to get sleep in superb conditions, w/ the lights dimmed in the auditorium.. unlike the rest of the 6 or 7 hours, where one must attempt to sleep w/ bright lights, noisy kids, and people clapping their hands.. (this only applies to the lucky ones attending air-conditioned, indoor arenas.. my sympathy to those who must go to the hot, outdoor stadiums)

Womens restroom- A small room, usually located in the rear of the hall, most often recognized by the stench of really old "Stick-Up" air freshners... The room is primarily used to whip the asses of young victims, who can't sit perfectly still, listening to a old geezer ramble on for an hour, or was caught w/ a stick of chewing gum in their mouth..

Memorial- An annual event held at the Hall, simply to observe 120 men and women share a couple of stale crackers, and some really cheap wine!!!.. Sometimes as an Encore, you can see eldery sisters fighting over the floral arrangements after the services!!!

Morning service meeting- A small get together of people who actually dragged their ass out of bed at 7 in the morn on their day off work... Used for a decision maker, of where to go to get Coffee, and donuts, and to remain out of sight-out of mind untill noon.. Usually.. at the chosen donut shop, you can witness 16 "big-boned" sisters, pile out of the back of a 1980's era mini van!!

Not at Home- a term used on ones field service report, to describe a non answered door.. Almost always means that the home owner is peeking thru the curtains of a upper level window, hoping they just will goooo away!

Return Visit- Back to the donunt shop!!!

SYN

[SYN]wonders why he never got to go on FS with Knotty_Boy, sounds like you had lotsa FUN!

OUTLAW

Hey NewWay,that is a funny line..(LOL)...OUTLAW

Alternative Definitions To WTS-Related Terms

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