..and just how may times is the insufferable Mel Gibson going to play the part of a person who is being persecuted by the British?
Mel Gibson Aussie Superstar! This month, Pommie Bastard! magazine takes a look at some forthcoming Mel movies!
Mad Macs
The evil English are plotting to take control of America by introducing mad-cow infected beef into MacDonalds Big Macs. Mel plays Jesus LePaz, an average American in Miami. When President Bush succumbs to the dastardly plot without anyone else noticing, Jesus realises that only he can save America. The stage is set for an action-packed attack upon the British Houses of Parliament, resulting in total subjugation for the Anglo scum!
Braveharrods!
Mel reprises the role of Melhammad al-Fayed, a hardworking and honest Egyptian man trying to run Britains premier department store with integrity. This is, of course, anathema to the corrupt and racist British establishment, who hatch an evil plot to get Melhammad deported. The climax of the conflict comes when Melhammad lures Tiny Dick Anglo into the store for a bit of man-to-man conflict. Are you being served?, snarls Melhammad, as he cuts off the English villains manhood in the drawer of a cash register!
Lethal Swami
Mel plays Melhatma Ghandi, a member of the peace-loving Indian race living under the cruel boot of English oppressors. When the cowardly Pommies massacre 25,000 children at the Daramsala saltworks, Melhatma decides that enough is enough! The stage is set for another action-packed attack upon the British Houses of Parliament, where the English swine finally realise the error of their imperialist ways, and Melhatma teaches Winston Churchill that the force of right can never be deprived of the right of force!
What Women Dont Want
They dont want effeminate Pommies, thats what they dont want! Mel plays Bud, an honest, down-to-earth American man who loses his sweetheart to a smooth-talking English slimeball. Bud sets out to prove that a red-blooded swearing Yankee is ten times better than a Shakespeare-quoting English fop. That disgusting bouquets of English roses wilt, while an American Bud stays hard forever (hur hur hur!) That a night at the poncey opera has nothing on a drunken fistfight at Joes bar. Finally, Bud convinces his sweetheart of the error of her ways (only one black eye necessary because American men can be sensitive too), and they drive into the sunset in his 1984 pickup truck with the English twat tied to the rear bumper.
Mexican Run
In an acting tour de force, Mel plays Hester Crockett, Davys younger sister. Hester is busy making chocolate in her homestead when she overhears an evil English plot to invade America disguised as Mexicans! Quickly, Hester runs 50 miles to join the valiant defenders at the Alamo, where she rallies the heroes by fashioning an American flag from her bloomers, and then suffocating the dastardly English commander in it. She then exonerates the innocent Mexicans by making the English villains eat some good old down home Texas chilli, thus exposing their pallid English palates.
In Dieppe
Mel plays Paddy McGlasgie, an average Canadian soldier during the war. When the sneaky English bastards use loyal Canadians as cannon-fodder at Dieppe, Paddy vows to make them pay. The stage is set for another action-packed attack on the British Houses of.ok ok, you know the rest.
