((((((((((((crownboy)))))))))))))) thankyou!
"Once Upon a Time..."
by LucidSky 14 Replies latest jw friends
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Solace
OMG Tera..... You have been going through that since you were a child and your parents didnt seek treatment? As a mother, I know that I would feel just sick inside if I knew there was something I could have done to help my child and I hesitated, even for a second. Im so sorry Tera.
I agree with you about feeling closer to God since Ive left the society. As a witness, I always thought the only way to communicate with God was to sit through a prayer at the meeting etc. I never prayed. My mother calls me quite a bit to tell me her troubles and I recently asked her how often she prays. She admitted to me that she hardly ever prays at all. Once while discussing armageddon and Jesus returning with her, I finally blew up and said, "Oh I wish it would just happen already so everyone would finally know the truth." Honest to God, her answer was, "Oh no, I havent gotten my hours in." As if God cares how many freakin hours she put in ya' know? I was like, "uh, mother, dont you think your personal relationship with God is a little more important than that?!" It was like talking to a wall.
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terafera
Oh no, I havent gotten my hours in."
Oh man, is that sad or what?? Sadly, many jws forget about a relationship with God and are saddled down with daily duties of putting on the outward displays.
Heaven, thank you for your kind concern. I felt bad making it seem that my health is a result of not being treated when I was younger... but in a way, I guess it is. Not that they believed I didnt need a doctor, but like you, I would do everything in my power to help my kid... look into treatments, causes, etc. My doctor has said that there is no way to find out how my kidney problems started, but had they been looked into much earlier, when my kidneys were functioning better, they may have found something to halt or at least slow the degeneration. I know in my heart that they thought they wouldnt have to worry about it, since the end was coming soon.
I can't see myself ever giving something so much control, as to let me neglect total care of my children, in hopes of a perfect future vanishing all our problems!
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LucidSky
IamI - I've felt your sentiments almost exactly. I haven't given up hope entirely (life seems to be here all too conveniently.) But I am searching for something to grab hold of. I begged God so many times to reveal itself to me. Just show me something tangible so I know you are listening! Other people claim to have witnessed "miracles". I never have -- perhaps I am just not worthy of such enlightenment? And it IS hard making decisions on your own. Suddenly things aren't so morally clear without someone telling you the answers.
jjrizo - I like your philosophy! I've slowly adopted that same attitude -- to be happy, and hopefully touch the lives of others while I'm still alive. But because I tend to be very analytical, it's hard for me not to think about the cold, hard truth.
Incense_and_Peppermints - I sometimes find myself hoping that I could be a free spirit too. Then I wonder what the criterion is for becoming such. Being alive? Being human? Being a good person? -- Sometimes I feel sad, but actually I am happier than I have ever been. Not blissfully, but contentedly -- I am alive and have been given so much. (P.S. I love astronomy and learning what makes things tick in general. So thanks for the pic. It was perfect!)
LyinEyes - I am fortunate not to have lost any close family or friends yet. I dont look forward to the day it finally happens. My girlfriend just lost her father, out of the blue. She didn't get to say good-bye or one last "I love you." Shell never see him again. It makes you appreciate what you have. I am certainly trying to enjoy life more fully now, but as you say, there was a certain security in "just knowing" sometimes.
Heaven - I want to believe in something. And ever the one to find the answer to something, I desperately searched for God. Soon after I realized that the JW's were not the absolute truth, I began reading Bibles for the first time. I read scientific, philosophical and religious books and explored spiritual possibilities. I questioned everything I was taught about God and the Bible. My faith in God probably doubled what it was when I was a JW. But as my knowledge grew, so did my acceptance that maybe the Bible wasn't always right. But the deep questions kept coming. Questions, I couldn't answer any longer. I prayed sincerely but I realized no one was answering me back. I thought I could know it all and realized I knew nothing. I lost my faith in a personal God.
terafera - ((((((terafera)))))) Wow. I'm sorry. That's sad to hear. I wonder how many lives were messed up in big and small ways from following JW idealisms. I remember being a kid and thinking that I would probably not reach adulthood before the new system arrived. I wouldn't have to deal with old age and adult problems: Wow!! I was so lucky to be living now -- I wouldn't even have to die!
Undecided - Even at my "tender" age of 27 I thought of your same sentiments. I wondered how I would be in 50 years (if I'm lucky). I watch the actors of my time aging right along with me. I feel fortunate that I have escaped from the Tower when I did.
crownboy - I always had the "unholy" thought as a JW about us running out of things to do after awhile in the "new system". -- What? Aren't there enough bugs around for you to study for eternity? Okay, I tried to reason around that once: Since even a perfect human mind is finite and can only store a certain amount of information, we'll eventually dislodge some of the older stuff. Thus, we'll be excited to re-learn it! LOL -- I'm in line with your closing thoughts. I guess I shouldn't feel sorry for those who will die or even those who have died. I should feel sorry for those who have never lived.
Thanks for your thoughts, All!
Edited by - LucidSky on 2 July 2002 0:43:21
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LyinEyes
Dear Tera,,,I am so sorry you are going thru so much , it must be frightening. I am scared to death for my little boy, he is just 7 yrs old. He was born two and a half months early , and had a blockage in his urinary tract that caused kidney damage. We have done everything we can do, and he seems to be just fine, even stronger than any kid we know. But still,,,,,,,,, I am so afraid .....I can only imagine what you must be going thru. I can understand what you said about it hitting you all of a sudden in away, because there are many things, not as serious as your health , but things I never thought I would have to think about . I thought I would be in the New World by now. It has been a year since I left the JW, and things that I had filed away to deal with when the new world got here, I am having to deal with now. Like fear......... fear for my children,, I don't care about what happens to me really, if I didnt have children , I could just go on a live the rest of my life without too much care. But it is not that easy to just accept things when you have little ones to think about. They were also raised in the JW, and the youngest the 7 yrs old is the one who wants to know all about God, the universe, where will I go when I die, etc. I never knew being a mother could bring you so much joy, and at the same time cause so much pain. But I wouldnt change not having my children for one second. The New World just seemed like the greatest gift God could give us, everlasting life and we could be with our families forever. Maybe it will be like that somewhere. I hope so.
I hope that things go well for you Tera, you will be in my prayers . I still try to pray, not sure if anyone is listening, but somewhere in me, I feel there is. I am so thankful for all the doctors that took care of my son, without them he would not have made it. There are so many new medical options coming out everyday, so I hope that you will be able to find something to work for you. Take care of yourself and you are in my thoughts. ]
LyinEyes (Dede)