Would you forget it ALL if you could?

Perfection Seeker

If you could "bump your head" and forget ALL the crap that came with being a witness, would you? Sometimes I say YES YES YES. BUT, in some way, I think I have grown from the experience & have learned from it, and it has made me be a better personl, less judgemental, more tolerant, more open. BUT, if there was a magic pill to erase it- hmm......hell yes I'd do it! :-) So much mental torture & guilt & abuse. If anyone finds the magic pill- let me know! :-) So far- this board has been like a magic pill for me- it has really helped heal me- and I just found it last week! :-) Thanks to everyone!

Edited by - perfection seeker on 2 July 2002 17:34:9

cellomould

I dunno,

the guilt was a kind of rush sometimes...like when masturbating. What I would give to be a 15 year old JW again... I would masturbate masturbate masturbate (or perhaps even start having sex sex sex) and exult in the guilt!

cellmould

Edited by - cellomould on 2 July 2002 17:39:52

blade

I agree with you on this, I myself only found this site a number of weeks ago, and what others were saying through their own experiences, helped me to realise that it was not just myself over imagining things. I still even now have guilt trips over certain matters. Unfortunately there is no quick fix pill. I still use the morals set in the scriptures, but when it comes to the case of you should not do this and that, I go off my conscience as to wrong and right. A normal day to day one. Do not carry guilt around with you, and feel no guilt and shame for anyman, as this will eat you up bit by bit, and the next thing you know you will be suffering from depression as I went through because of this. It put me on a hospital ward. And my children suffered. You will usually find out that is was the same people who made things un-bearable for you, that are in the mire now.

Thanks

QUEENIE

WELL I doubt I CAN forget all of it but I do my damnest to not dwell on JW shit all the live long day...WENT to doctors and went over test results and before I left pharmacy I left with a brand new 4 wheel walker - top of the line one no less !!!! queenie

JanH

I doubt being totally blank about the first 25 years of my life would make me better. We are the way we are because of our past, for bad and good. If I was not brought up a JW, i would be a totally different person, totally unrecognizable. Perhaps I would be more successful in some important way. Or perhaps I'd be a junkie. Who knows? Certainly not me. I would not be without what I learned from the experience of breaking free.

- Jan

Perfection Seeker

I agree Jan! I guess if it meant wiping out ALL Memories- family, friends, etc- I wouldn't want to do it. Can't anyway- so no issue there :-) I am how I am because of my upbringing, and that is something I have to face. Just wish all the DEEP DEEP DEEP DEEP guilt would just vanish away. God didn't plant that guilt- the ORGANIZATION did. That I would erase if I could selectively erase things :-)

beepers

Without question! My "knoweldge" has only brought pain and saddness to me and my family.

Amy

saltiest

I agree with Jan, I am who I am today because of every single day I've lived my life so far. Including all that JW crap. No, it wasn't fun, in fact quite similar to the descriptions of hell, but I do just fine as I am now. My artistic and writing ability came out as I dealt with the mental abuse all those years. Hard to say what type of person I would've been without the upbringing in "the truth" that I had. I like who I am now for the most part and what I don't like I'm working on and that's all I can do.

Alicia

mommy1

Yes then I wouldn't be sitting here getting upset over this family destroying cult.

SpiderMonkey

I would not be without what I learned from the experience of breaking free.

EXACTLY. I don't think I'd have anything like the depth of character I do today (please excuse the pat on the back; just being honest) if I didn't have to *struggle* against something and prove to myself how strong I can be. From childhood peon (even at age 23) to an adult who takes nothing for granted, and refuses to be pissed on; that makes all the difference in the world.

Would you forget it ALL if you could?

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