Which version shall it be?
St. James!
The Vulgate of St. Jerome!
"Vulgate" it is.
Awww.
Ned Flanders is a JW!
by Simon 16 Replies latest social humour
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Matty
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FriendlyFellaAL
Here's some of my favorite Simpson's quotes regarding religion...
Rev. Lovejoy: This so-called "new religion" is nothing but a pack of weird rituals and chants, designed to take away the money of fools. Let us say the Lord's Prayer 40 times, but first, let's pass the collection plate!
Ned Flanders: Sorry to bother you, Reverend Lovejoy, but I'm kind of in a tizzy. My son Todd just told us he didn't want to eat his damn vegetables.
Rev. Lovejoy: Well, you know kids and vegetables. What was it? Asparagus?
Ned Flanders: No, no, Reverend. The point is, he said a bad word!
Rev. Lovejoy: Oh, oh, right, yeah. Well, kids usually pick these things up from someplace. Find out who's doing it and... direct them to the Bible.
Ned Flanders: Where in the Bible?
Rev. Lovejoy: Uh... page 900.Ned Flanders: Let's thank the Lord for another beautiful day.
Superintendent Chalmers: "Thank the Lord"? That sounded like a prayer. A prayer in a public school! God has no place within these walls, just like facts don't have a place within an organized religion!Brian
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Nowfree
There is a Ned Flanders down the road from me! The whole family are "perfect JWS", so blinkered I am amazed they can see!
I can set my watch by them - Every Tuesday and Thursday evening they are out the door on the button, all dressed in their suits, and mum in a JW dress (not short, not low cut, not tight, not anything really!!).
Field service on Saturdays and meetings on Sunday. (They are actually due back any minute) - Yep there they are!!! I can see them from where I am typing. My God this is scarey!
Who needs Greenwich Mean Time when you have the Flanders!!!
Seriously - does anyone KNOW whether the Flanders family were based on any particular religion?
A bit like the "Rabbit Song" from Winnie the Pooh's Most Grand Adventure (Walt Disney 1997). It describes JWs perfectly - let me illustrate:
Introduction
Winnie the Pooh, Piglet, Eeyore, Tigger and Rabbit go to their good friend Owl, to ask his advice on how to find Christopher Robin.
Owl replies that "they need a map". So he goes to his shelf, finds a blank roll of parchment and proceeds to produce a map.
The contents of the map are decided on the fears of each individual ie, Jugulars, Hefalumps and Woozels etc. The more frightening the object, the more it appears on the map.
The map is constructed exploiting the greatest fears of the group.
The group set off on their adventure to find Christopher Robin. Rabbit now believes in the infallibility of this map. Winnie the Pooh can see the way, however Rabbit is determined to follow the map at all costs, and at which point bursts into song
RABBITS SONG
Excuse me, the way to there is over here..
Now which are you going to believe,
This official map, or your own eyes?
Look for yourself and youll see we are right on course.
It is all right there in black and white.
Why would anyone want to wander around, wondering which way to go when they have a map to follow?
A map is not a guess, an estimation or a hunch, a feeling or a foolish intuition.
A map is a dependable, unwavering, inarguably accurate portrayer of your position.
Never trust your ears, your nose, your eyes,
Putting faith in them is most unwise.
Heres a phrase you all must memorise,
In the printed word is where truth lies.
Never trust your tummies, tails or toes,
You cant learn a thing from any of those.
Heres another fact I must disclose,
From the mighty pen, true wisdom flows.
(Chorus)
If it says so, then it is so,
If it is so, well so it is.
A thoughts not fit to think, till its printed in ink.
Then it says so, so it is.
Never trust that thing between your ears,
Brains will get you nowhere fast my dear.
Havent had a need for mine in years,
On the page is where the truth appears.
(Chorus)
If it says so, then it is so,
If it is so, well so it is.
A thoughts not fit to think, till its printed in ink.
Never differ from or doubt it,
Or go anywhere without it.
So we dont need to fret about it.
If it says so, so it is.
Michael Abbot & Sarah Weeks, Disney Enterprises Inc, 1997
Does anyone else think that describes JW brainwashing? or is it just me?
Nowfree
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Nowfree
Why did the last two lines come out in Greek?
It was supposed to say Copyright Michael Abbot and Sarah Weeks, Disney Enterprises 1997.
And then I think I asked for any comments?
Nowfree
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anglise
Hi Nowfree
That song is one of my favourite bits from W the P.
I think it was written with a WTBTS talk outline.
Its just sooooo true of loyal dub reasoning
"Never trust your ears, your nose, your eyes,
Putting faith in them is most unwise.
Heres a phrase you all must memorise,
In the printed word is where truth lies."
"Never trust that thing between your ears,
Brains will get you nowhere fast my dear.
Havent had a need for mine in years,
On the page is where the truth appears"
All hail the great pooh bear
Anglise
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joannadandy
Personal favorite-when the Flanders lose their house, and Ned thinks God is punishing him and he says:
"I just don't understand I did everything in the Bible, even the stuff that contradicted the other stuff"
I really don't know that the Flanders are based on a religion, I think just more overly Religious people in general. I do when Grandpa was dying Marge asked Reverened Lovejoy if he was going to perform the last rights on him, and he says "That's Catholic Marge, you might as well ask me to do a Voodoo dance" And since the Flanders go to church with the Simpons pretty much the only help I can give is that by deduction that they are not catholic.
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rob
How about the one where Ned says, "Maude has gone to Bible camp to learn to be more judgemental..."