by Pureheart 18 Replies latest jw friends
Hi Wholewheat,
when I first came onto this board I was shocked at the language too. Please go to my member page and read starting on the second page, So there are rules of conduct, What rule of conduct exists here, Too much hatred in here, Get over it.
Needless to say that I got my a$$ kicked. You are not alone my friend. Everyone is just real in here. That is not what we are accustomed to at the kingsom hall. Just hang tough.
Pureheart
Hi Pureheart,
Thanks for the encouragement! Being on an ex-JW discussion board is an experience I shall never forget!
Wholewheat,
There have been many who have come on the board that have responded in a "knee jerk" manner only to take a deep breath and pretty soon begin to share and contribute valuable insights and ideas. I urge you to weigh things as objectively as possible, if that is even possible for a JW, and you may consider coming to this site a truely seminal experiance. The term is metaphorical, as you might guess!
carmel
People here are free to voice their opinions, without the normal social etiquetes. Face-to-face encounters would rarely progress as many of the threads here have - it's just a fact of the internet/anonymous chatting age.
I tend to pass over those threads that are going in a bad direction or are full of angry posts. I find a lot of really useful information in the Bible Research forums. Sometimes they're still pretty hot - but they're also full of a lot of information that I can then use to research on my own.
I hope that you will stick around as I appreciate hearing a point-of-view from a current/active JW. I have been DF'd for a number of years now and have my own views of the society - but it is good to keep an open mind and I like to hear other people's opinions on these subjects.
WholeWheat,
I am sorry that your introduction to the XJW world has been so traumatic. This Board has many different kinds of people, from many different backgrounds posting to it. Some are fundamentalist Christian, some atheists, some agnostic, in fact almost every way of life and mode of thought is represented here. Many on this Board are still trying to find their way in life after they have left the WTS, some still strugglin twenty years later. Most have been hurt badly by their association with the WTS and yet all they now have in common is that they were once JW's. Board life can get very difficult with so many opinions being launched in so many different directions, and sometimes people like yourself, get caught in the crossfire which is never a pretty sight. Why not spend some time researching the history of a few of the posters, it may help you understand their anger.
I have to presume that you did a little 'lurking' before you signed in and were probably aware that active JW's are the blue touch-paper that lights the firework around here....lol
The problem is WholeWheat, that many JW's come onto this Board with the same tone of voice as the elders, parents, CO's etc. who badly hurt some of the people who post here. I hesitate in saying this, as I do not like to judge people that I have never met, but I need to say that sometimes you do sound like you are are wearing your Sunday voice, trying to counsel rather than understand. It is very, very hard to understand what some of these people have gone through, but well worth the effort. Some have not been able to speak to parents, brothers and sisters for many years due to being DF'd, one or tow have lost fathers and husbands due to the WTS policy on blood, which they have now chnaged. One particular couple on this Board, after giving birth and nurturing a child for well over two decades were told by that child that they would not be welcome at her graduation. Their sin? They were foolish enough to disagree with some of the doctrines of the WTS. Try to put yourself in their shoes.
Simon tries hard to keep control of elements that he and many others find disturbing on this Board and he does not run an uncensored site. What would help him so much to keep the language and profanity to a minimum if people did not mischeivously try to provoke others into fighting with them. I have heard very mild mannered JW's swear under provocation and this Board is not different.
So play your part WholeWheat, try to listen and understand and be honest to your own heart. Compassion is needed here not censorship.
Take Care - HS
Edited by - hillary_step on 3 July 2002 0:17:56
Edited by - hillary_step on 3 July 2002 1:15:34
Wholewheat,
By reading posters biographies, "whos who" or previous posts and learning about individuals experiences you can learn more about posters. There has been much suffering at the hands of the society. Much of it you may not be aware of. I have eaten many words since finding out the truth about the W.T.S.
This thread is the most reasonable discussion for me yet, and I appreciate all of your comments. I have been reading all sorts of information on the ex-JWs web sites, including people's personal experiences. Some of this information is unbelievable, and I really feel sorry for the exJWs that have suffered at the hands of unchristian brothers and sisters. I guess I have been sheltered because I have never witnessed this kind of thing in my congregation, I love my congregation! My first disappointment with the Society has been the program on dateline, and there are other witnesses who fill the same as me. I know the Society is going to try to exercise some sort of 'damage control', and in the long run all it will do is stumble more brothers and sisters. Could Jehovah be cleaning house at Headquarters? The other thing to ask is who in the Society made the policy of not reporting pedophiles? Was it the entire Governing Body, or just 2/3 of the Body that agreed to this policy? I love my brothers and sisters and feel sorry for the victims, but something this bad had to come out in the open. The worst thing the Society could have done is not be interviewed on the dateline program, maybe someone will come forward later and give an interview.
You are on the right track brother. I was born and raised JW in a good congregation full of many good people. However when you begin to check on the WTS and all the things that you have been convinced were "truth" you may begin to see a pattern. I was shocked to learn many of the things that I was taught 'from infancy' were not quite true. Of course there is no way to know this unless you are able to allow yourself to question, without fear, the 'facts' as you have been taught.
There is a lot of bitterness of this board because many have been mistreated by the society, but there is also much knowledge about and experience with the witnesses here. It is good to know that there are many others who feel as you do and have been exactly where you are and we understand.
Good luck in your research and remeber this: Either the GB is or isnt inspired by God, at all times. There is no inbetween.
Wheat,
Hilary Step gave you some really good advice, and I hope you will take notice of what he said. This board is made up of many personalities, many who are no longer acting as if they're in the KH. Get to know us, and you'll soon get used to us too. And we might get used to you too. Just give it time.
One thing to understand Wholewheat is that; by nature- this is a support board. As you can see, many of the folks here have been very traumatized by their exposure to JW. There are many for whom the wounds run deep. And you will find people in various different stages of the healing process and that is a very natural and acceptable thing if one is willing to be empathetic about healing. Maybe if you understand that you will have more compassion for each poster. You have no idea what they have been through, the wounds it's created or the scars that remain. Being here helps them to heal.
One of the major stages of grieving and healing is anger. And how long a person stays in that stage is an individual thing. "This too shall pass" Being self righteous towards people who have suffered only adds insult to injury. Who are you to know what they have endured or whether they are entitled to their anger? Do not sit in judgement, rather, let folks heal in their own way.
You seem to have a view of how people should be behaving after leaving the JW's. Who put you in that position and how the hell would you know? I'm sure there are psychologists out there that are still trying to sort through it all. Like layers on an onion, the betrayal and abuse runs deep. I don't think there is a right or wrong way to handle that kind of thing. So stop with the preaching. If you are truly here to understand then stop judging and try truly understanding. If not, there is no way anyone will believe any sincerity on your part.
You made a comment about this being a good thread for you. Although I'm glad that you are more comfortable now- I have news for you: This board isn't for YOU. It's not here to make you comfortable-it's here for everyone. If you are offended by something you read here-basically that is YOUR problem- don't read it then. The stuff that is spewed here is also not about you. Unless you were there to beat on "y" as a child or lied to "z" for most of their life or took "d's" childhood away or did this or that to anyone here who is talking about it- IT"S NOT ABOUT YOU. So own your own "stuff" and let others deal with theirs in their own way. Noone needs your judgement and you've seen what happens when you give it.
And to be real honest- I'm back to "the pot calling the kettle black" again with you. You seem to be fine as long as things are dealt with in a manner in which you find acceptable and as soon as they aren't you turn ugly in behavior yourself. If you wish to hold others to certain standards you best be ready to reach them yourself.
My 145 cents
Peace~
~XW
