Here's a question for those who keep current with ever-changing JW policy: What is the WTBTS's current policy with regard to visitation of gravesides, bringing flowers, etc. by widows, widowers, grieving relatives. etc? It used to be something of which they took a dim view, and impugned the spirituality of anyone who made a practice of it: ``Let the dead bury the dead,'' and all that. Is that still the case?
Question for JWS: What About Graveside Visitation?
by Room 215 13 Replies latest jw friends
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minimus
The view is that as long as you do not get involved in false religious practices these things are permissable.
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Perfection Seeker
In my congregation- they said why would you visit a grave? Not like the person can see you or hear you or benefit from you going? Why decorate the graveside- they are "sleeping" not looking down from heaven to see you do it. Personally, my dad is creamated- and in an urn on my moms shelf- but if he was in a grave- would be nice to go- and just reflect or cry. I've been "out" since 1995 mentally- so not sure what the "new light" is or even the old light. With me- hard to know which was the Organization or jus the elders in my hall. They had rules & opinions on EVERYTHING!
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Jankyn
There's one family in my old congregation that takes this "let the dead bury the dead" thing so far that they don't even buy headstones or grave markers. The only way you can tell where their family is buried is by the vast expanse of grass. (It's next to my family plot).
Jankyn
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new boy
Room 215
Where you at bethel, {N.Y.] and lived in the Towers?
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joannadandy
Actually a couple who died very tragically in a house fire were recently laid to rest, and it was quite a big deal that everyone in the family came, and a few close friends from the congregation, they said prayers at the gravesite, put flowers in the grave, and selected individuals throw some dirt on top of the boxes. I know my parents go to my sisters grave and tend it with flowers etc. I have honestly never heard it was bad to do things like that...I've always heard from JW's, and there is truth to it in what psychologists say, that going to a gravesite is for the living--not the dead. To cope with the loss, to reflect on that person, just a way to keep in touch with the memories of someone who has passed away.
Of course, in reading what some JW's have said in regards to grave visitiation, I can't say I am surprised. There are always some who are going to take things that one unheathy step too far, and ruin it for everyone else.
Edited by - joannadandy on 6 July 2002 14:59:6
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Jourles
If someone ever questions your spirituality regarding the visitation of a relative that is buried in a cemetary, ask them why is it then that some of the "annointed" are buried at Watchtower Farms in Pine Bush/Wallkill with inground tombstones? Ask them if they know the name of this cemetary, or what the local bethelites refer to it as.
The Launching Pad. Yeah, launching pad straight to HELL, and I don't even believe in hell.
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Lady Lee
Every JW I know that died was cremated so there was no place to go to. The family either kept the ashes or scattered them (where the law permitted).
When I did visit Wallkill eons ago one of the things they made sure to do on the tour was to take us to the gravesites. Personally I thought that was weird cause they certainly had a feeling of awe about the place even though I didn't. I thought it was weird then and still so today. But then now I KNOW how weird it all is
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ozziepost
Yep, you guessed it! There's a "Questions from Readers" on it!!
In view of the fact that pagans made floral offerings to the dead, is it proper for Christians to send flowers to a funeral or to lay flowers on a grave?G. T., U.S.A.
It is true that ancient pagans made floral offerings to the dead. The publication HowDidItBegin?, by R. Brasch, states: "To send a wreath to a funeral and to lay it on the coffin or the grave is a relic of ancient superstition and idol worship."
What was the purpose of their so doing? The author of the same publication adds: "The floral wreath is a survival of the belief that it was necessary to provide comforts for the departed. The flowers were also regarded as, literally, a floral offering, a sacrifice to the dead. They were meant to keep them happy, lest, being dissatisfied, they might haunt the mourners." So the pagans, in their mistaken belief that the deceased had an immortal soul, honored these dead with floral offerings.
However, did the pagans originate flowers? Should we conclude that using flowers on such occasions is wrong just because the pagans used them to sacrifice to their dead? It is interesting to note that author Brasch also states: "None of these various early roots are remembered. There is no magic left in the wreath, and to say it with flowers has become an established custom in the Western world."
Generally, in the Western world, flowers are not given to placate the dead. Usually they are sent as a gesture of kindness to the family of the deceased. And flowers, created by Jehovah for mans pleasure, do have a brightening effect.
If a person thinks he is honoring the dead when he sends flowers, then he is doing what the pagans did. Such a motive would be wrong from the Christian viewpoint. But if he sends flowers to comfort the survivors, to make the sad occasion a bit more pleasant, then it is certainly not objectionable.
It should be said, however, that, while it is customary to send flowers as a gesture of respect to the family, certainly one is not obligated to do so. Indeed, other things can be done for the family of the deceased that may be even more meaningful. Instead of sending flowers, one may choose to assist the family by cooking a meal, since the family in their grief may be burdened with many other details. Or one may lovingly offer to help take care of young children until the funeral is over. After the funeral, those close to the deceased, such as a widow, will be lonely. A kind gesture would be to invite such ones for a meal, or for an outing. They will be made to see that they are wanted, that they have friends who want to share their activities. As James 1:27 says: "The form of worship that is clean and undefiled from the standpoint of our God and Father is this: to look after orphans and widows in their tribulation, and to keep oneself without spot from the world."
So while flowers sent with the right motive, without the pagan belief as a background, are not objectionable, it can be seen that other more helpful things can be done. And these may be more appreciated than a mere sending of flowers, with no personal assistance offered.
Often flowers sent to the funeral are later deposited upon the grave. But here, some may choose to do something else with these flowers. They may choose to give them to others, take them to those who rarely get flowers, to sick persons or to the elderly. A person may feel that the living will appreciate the flowers, but that they serve little purpose at the gravesite, since the deceased cannot appreciate them.Eccl. 9:5.
Of course, others may choose to lay flowers on a grave simply to beautify the site, and not to give honor to the dead. This too is a matter for personal decision.
Hence, when one has the proper motive and understanding of what happens to the dead, what he does in connection with flowers is a matter of personal choice. But it can be seen that there are other things even more meaningful that can be done for the family of one who has died, and in regard to the use of flowers.
You may also be interested in these "gems" from the publications:
That one is from the 1987 Yearbook on page 87. This next one is from the July 15 issue of The Watchtower in 1998, on pages 23 to 24:In another country in Africa,
a problem arose with regard to burial places for Jehovahs Witnesses, since these are not a legally recognized religion. The brothers boldly presented the matter to the local authorities and were able to obtain a plot of land within the municipality. More recently, the local authorities felt that cemeteries of religious groups had become too ostentatious, so they decided to establish a modest standard. When they came to the cemetery of the brothers, they saw an example of the modesty that they wanted, and after inquiring as to whose cemetery it was, they immediately decreed that in the future all graves and tombs should follow the pattern set by Jehovahs Witnesses.The Bible urges Christians to put the worship of God first in life and to make wise use of their time. (Matthew 6:33; Ephesians 5:15, 16) In some places, though, congregation activity has come to a standstill for a week or more because of a funeral. This problem is not unique to Africa. Regarding one funeral, a report from South America says: "Three Christian meetings had extremely low attendance. The field service was not supported for about ten days. Even people outside the congregation and Bible students were surprised and disappointed to see some of our brothers and sisters participating."
It seems the Watchtower offers a remedy for the tears of grief: don't do it! Go to the meetings instead, all 5 of them. And don't be late! Cheers, OzzieEdited by - ozziepost on 7 July 2002 3:27:6
Edited by - ozziepost on 7 July 2002 3:29:59
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ozziepost
Sorry about the formatting. I'm trying to fix it. What on earth's wrong with my line today? Dropouts galore and my machine's freezing constantly. Must be the "end"!