My wonderful mother/2

by rnovello 11 Replies latest jw friends

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  rnovello

  I am completely overwhelmed by the caring that has gone on here in my situation. I will tell everyone a little abut my mother and sister. Both were babtized JWs. for over 30 years. came into the truth in the early 70s with the promise of the end soon to come. My sister was my older sister. She died from Colon Cancer. Never sick and never showed any systems, untill she started loosing weight, lots of it. She died the most horrible dead that anyone could ever imagine. She was such a good person and so trusting. I prayed night and day for her, but no answers ever came. When she became ill she came to live by me till she passed. I could go on and on about the JWs treated her, but i dont want to even think of that anymore.My sister was very very intelligent and looked almost like Liz taylor. She had many many talents.

  My mother was a very good person. She was an avid animal lover. of which the JWs always put her down for. She lived with me from 1995 till her death and I took care of her. The day she died she was to come home from the hospital. She died in my arms. I still have nightmares all the time about it. I know she would not want me to be in the shape im in, but I dont know what to do about it. Ive tried. Im loosing my job, my home everything, because I cant function anymore..Thanks for lisening and caring and for being here. Thank You.
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  Bendrr

  Movello I'm sorry for your loss.

  What counts is your love for your family and theirs for you. Not what the JW's thought or said.

  From what you said, it sounds like you maybe should speak to a therapist. This board is a fine place to talk about how we feel but no substitute for a trained professional.

  Mike.
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  termite 35

  Movello..Hi there.

  What a lot to have had to go through.I wish you were near me.You sound so sad,I wish I could help you practically.

  I lost my mother too;very sad cancer death; and felt so ripped apart by it that sometimes I could'nt remember what to do with my self or my life.I feel that sometimes i'm the only one who remembers her or still misses her. Most of the time I block it out as if I think about it too much I can't handle it.

  I guess your feeling a little like that too.

  I don't know how long it will take to ease off; and do I want to hurt less?

  would that mean I cared less?

  Sometimes I feel that I carry on hurting so much about it as it's the only way I can still show how much I miss her and how much she meant to me...

  But you are right;Movello; your mother and mine would'nt want us to be this sad.

  I try to think of all the things she taught me that I needed to grow up into a decent human being-and how to teach my children the things she taught me.

  I remember the times she helped others and put others first and try to do this too.

  I think the thing that kept me going over time was she would have been cross with me for giving up on life ; when she had loved hers and lost it so early.

  Right now I try to live each day without her a bit better than the last one;she'd be proud of me.

  Just as your mother would be proud of you for all the love you gave her and your sister and how you looked after them; and just think how happy your mother would be to see you alive and well;it's all mothers and family want for us; is'nt it?

  Termite XXXX
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  crawdad2

  r novello.......... try to answer some of the responses, as you get them....... it will help you.
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  DakotaRed

  Movello, I think the suggestion to see a counselor to help you through this time of grief is a good one. To just give up now would make your Mom real sad. I know she raised you to be your own person. Please, see a counselor before the depression gets too serious.

  Lew W
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  Nanoprobe

  rnovello

  What a wonderful person you must be! It takes a very strong and caring person to care for a terminally ill family member. For most people it's easier just to try to avoid the situation all together. Undoubtly it was a difficult situation for you, but think what your being there must have meant to your sister and mother. They did not die alone but they faced that terrifying experience in your care even in your arms. You could not change the outcome but you could give your love and your strengh.

  Please think of how important you are and how much you have handled this far.
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  Incense_and_Peppermints

  ((((rnovello))))

  god, a cyberhug seems so inadequate. but there's a lot of genuine feeling behind it, believe that. don't feel bad about the witnesses. they turned their back on you, so who needs 'em? your sister and mom sound like they were such wonderful people. i'm glad you could be there for them. and you know they would want you to be happy. just pick up the phone and call someone who can help you through this awful time. just pick up the phone. that's your first step towards getting out of the tough emotional place you're in right now. and we will still be here. still concerned. still caring. you can count on that.

  sincerely, ~janette [email protected]
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  BeautifulGarbage

  Movello,

  I have only lost ONE person to death that I was close to. He was my paternal Grandfather. I was 13 and to this day, even though I have a great memories of him, there is a place in my heart that aches for him. That ache will probably always be there.

  Please, see a counselor before the depression gets too serious.

  I'm with Dakota on this one. There are therapists that specialize in helping people work through their grief so that they can start to put their lives back together again. Take all that strength and courage, and now use it to help yourself.

  We care!

  Andee

  Edited by - BeautifulGarbage on 9 July 2002 22:27:56
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  Prisca

  As the others have said, we need to live our lives as a testament to the good our mothers did while they were alive.

  My mother was very much a positive person. She was run over by a truck at the age of 15. The doctors told her she wouldn't be able to walk ever again. She proved them wrong. Forty years later she got breast cancer - they said she'd only live a couple of years (this was back in the 70s). She lived for a further 7 years, despite getting lung cancer as well.

  She was a JW, raised as one since she was 3. She had a firm faith in God, and in the promised paradise the JWs taught. She raised us as JWs, but she always had good personal morals (never lied as far as I know) and raised us to be good people.

  It's been 21 years since she died. I don't dwell on it, although there are some days when I could really do with having a mum to talk to.

  Some people in my situation could get down, think "how can I live without my mum" and spiral down into permanent depression.

  The thing is, I know that if she was able to communicate with me, she would tell me to get on with my life. It's not anyone's fault that she died. It's just one of those things. Crying all day isn't going to change anything. It's only going to cause more problems that will make my life worse.

  And knowing the optimistic spirit she had, I endeavour to live my life as best I can, and to follow her wonderful example in not letting life get you down, to matter what is thrown at you.
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  LyinEyes

  To hear you say , your mother died in your arms, has touched my very soul. I can only imagine that is the place she wanted to be. She must have known your strength, even if you don't right now.

  My mother was alone when she died. Being there for someone as they take their last breath can not be easy, I have never been in that situation. I am sorry, i am having trouble concentrating on this right now. I keep losing my thought..............I just hope when my times comes to pass, my children will be there with me and feel peace. I guess all mothers want their children to go on with life and be happy, but you do need to mourn and cry all you want to. Write her letters, make a scrapbook dedicated to her, of pictures and letters she wrote.

  I think my mom would have wanted me to be able to remember her and smile and laugh. I only started doing this , this last year since leaving JW. They took away my right to mourn her in the way that I needed to . Now I feel a different feeling, almost as close to a peaceful feeling I will ever get.

  My daughter and youngest son are at their granny's tonite, and I really miss them right now. When I really go to missing my mom, I want to shower my kids with hugs and love. Maybe it's my way of comforting myself. And always in the back of my mind, I am always trying to give them tons of memories to carry them thru when I am gone.

  We are all here for you, ((((( many hugs)))))) Dede