Spare the rod and spoil the child?

by Marilyn 40 Replies latest jw friends

• 

  willy_think

  It shames me to see Christians hitting there children and claming they get there right to do so from the bible's "spare the rod and spoil the child,"

  the "rod" spoken of here is the rod of a shepherd offering protection and guidance.
• 

  Incense_and_Peppermints

  the "rod" spoken of here is the rod of a shepherd offering protection and guidance.

  now see, that makes perfect sense to me... 8)

  thank you for posting that lovely thing.
• 

  DakotaRed

  Willy, how often do you see a shepherd striking the sheep with the rod? You don't. Rather, he uses, as you said, to guide and nudge them along. That is why I don't accept that scripture as literal and an excuse to beat your children senseless. Like I said, no child ever deserves a beating.

  As for forcing little ones to sit through meetings, how do they expect them to act? A child has an attention span of about 10 minutes, if you are lucky. Being forced to sit still during one to two hours of boring JW talks is more than many adults can take. LOL, I even fell asleep a time or two myself. A parent can and should train their child at home, but cut them slack when it comes meeting time. They are acting as designed, so why smack them?

  Lew W
• 

  Carmel

  My father would use a fan belt from a car doubled up to whip us with. We couldn't sit down for a day after being "diciplined" by him. I remember recieving the "love of Jesus" from him too many times. Glad I left the physical and mental abuse of that family and the printing company they worshiped.

  carmel
• 

  Dawn

  Man this brings back memories...I seen so many mothers bring their kids back to the bathroom & beat them for not sitting still, and the wooden spoons....yes, I remember those being a staple in their purses/book bags. I was raised in a very physically abusive house so these sights didn't really strike me as out of the ordinary back then - sad hu!

  How much of this still goes on? I've been out for 12 years so was curious.

  I have never thought of my kids as "mine" - instead, I consider them to belong to God and I'm just here as a caretaker to guide them through so they can learn and grow - that has helped me to keep a level head whenever I need to discipline them, or on those days when I've just HAD IT. It keeps the focus of any discipline on what lesson I need them to learn instead of how to control them. I rarely spank my kids, I find that other forms of discipline (time outs, talking, loosing privledges) work a lot better - but I have spanked them when it's something I want them to NEVER FORGET - like running out into the street without looking for cars.

  As for the "spare the rod, spoil the child" - Willy is right!
• 

  dustrabbit

  Incense: you know, before i went to China, I totally agreed with your viewpoint about spanking. My parents spanked me waaaaay too much. And I still agree with your viewpoint to an extent. I changed this b/c there are exceptions to the rule.
  
  As you (and a couple of other posters) know thru email but others on this board don't, that I have a 12-year old (he turns 13 this September)stepson, who thankfully doesn't live with me anymore. This kid will not respond to lectures, discussions, feedback, depirval of priviledges, etc. And he will attack you if let your gaurd down. For those who don't know, he tried to ram a pair of chopsticks up my ear b/c I would let him play on the computer. This was in response to his pissing on the floor 8 days straight b/c his mom wouldn't buy him a Gameboy. When I realized he was going to ram the chopsticks up my ear, I had to fight back. i feel guilty/bad for this, but I figure if a then-almost-12 year old is going try to kill you....

  If I had known he was going to be like this, I defintiely wouldn't have married his mother. (He didn't live with us in America when she and I first married or even when we were dating.)
  
  If i ever have kids (and it won't be with my wife, that's for sure), I will definitely not spoil them and will try to find a way without spanking to deal with undesirable behavior.

  the dustrabbit
• 

  Marilyn

  Actually dustrabbit, I've lived in Hong Kong for twelve years and I've rarely seen (can't think of an instance) Chinese people hitting their children. Chinese parents have a high level of control, when it suits them, but the control is mostly reseverved for study and learning. I don't really know how they control their kids but they do and it's not thru brute force. Sorry that your wife has some weird genes. The child sounds screwed up.
• 

  Satanus

  Dakota

  It's impressive that you managed to raise your daughters without violence. As a housepainter, i may spend a week or two, during the daytime, in peoples homes. I see people who are messed up abuse their kids, who are in turn messed up. I see totally nonreligious, very tolerant people raise their kids w no violence and only mild restrictions. The kids raised w tolerance are much better persons. Stil, i have some questions concerning your theology..

  Willy and Dakota

  I suppose you don't take litterally when the bible admonishes parents, 'if you beat him, he will not die'? I suppose that you don't accept the they were litteral stones with which the parents whose children were out of control were supposed to kill them?

  SS
• 

  dustrabbit

  Marilyn:
  I agree with you about Chinese parents not spanking their kids...my wife rarely spanks her son...in fact, that's why he's so bold about attacking you...he's not afraid and he knows that she won't stand up to him. Talking to him is like a brick wall, he zones out. Take away his privs (computer, tv), he'll sneak his way back by being a cutesy faced cherub. Or, plain go out with five hours of his imitation of Beijing opera....very bad Beijing opera.
  And everytime I tried to talk ot the boy or take away his priviledges, he'd start a fight between his mother and I, saying I hit him or something...yet, this is the kid who will kick you or stomp on your bare feet while he's wearing soccer shoes just b/c you didn't give in to his demand of giving him your ink pen.

  By the way, do you still live in hong Kong? On my way form Guangzhou to america, I'm staying in Hong Kong for one night on the 18th...So, I have most of the day on the 18th to explore Hong Kong. where would you recommend to go sightseeing.
• 

  Satanus

  Maralyn

  A lot of chinese have a form of ancestor worship, or someting like that. It's part of their religion. It is thought that disrespect of parents has a direct bodily and spiritual affect on the individual. I believe that the respect parents have for their own parents is automatically passed to the children, in most cases.

  SS