1. Which religion do you have?
Almost every kind...but we sold out of Zen Buddhism last week and it's on back order. Would you like a rain check?
2. When did you decide to become a member / to withdraw your membership?
On becoming a member:
Various reasons (depending on which religion):
JWs: Forced into it by a rabid preachers....my Mom and Dad.
Church of God: I was horny for this busty blonde who sang Choir.
Satanism: The Devil made me do it.
Zen: Rock gardens.
Mormons: Multiple Wives sounded to good to be true.
On withdrawing:
JWs: Had to withdraw b/c "oral" recption of membership is not recognized.
(Bonus points: Mom made me switched. Now I'm the High Priest of Cat Litter. See question #3)
Church of God: I wasn't only the one that busty blonde was sharing a high note with. I got jealous.
Satanism: Done it all...No guilt...still there...care to join me?
Zen Buddhism: The rock gardens are just that: rocks. No Big Hair Bands...bummer, dude!
Mormonism: Multiple Wives were banned back in the 1870s. I didn't notice the copyright on the brochure..talk about false advertising!
3. Did your parents have the same religion?
See above about joining JWs. However, my mother fell away to start her own cult featuring a cat god.
4. Have you been beaten from time to time when you were young?
No, of course not...Jws don't beat their children in an unloving way. It's just "spiritual guidance" masquerading as a beating.
5. Did you have an easy youth?
No, I had to clean toilets for a living at a local correctional facility. Mom and Dad said it would build character. But all I ever got was a sore back, a sore ass, and $2.50/hr...not including tips.
Oh wait! You mean sex with easy girls...Too many to count...
but I got tired of sharing with the other elders...I know, I
know, you should learn share with your fellow borthers and
sisters, but I could never get that one down....then there was this jailbait conspiracy back last spring...but I swear she told me she was 18!
6. Do you believe in God?
Yes...and he visits my room late at night when he thinks I'm
asleep and puts a week's supply of Twinkies on my pillowcase...He's such a loving rascal.
7. If yes, do you think he cares about us?
Well, I don't know about you and him...but he and I got something
special going on. *wink* *wink*
8. Conerning 6: Has this always been the case?
Well, I used to call him "Satan," but that was before Manday R---
showed me his good skills as a lover. Now I call him God. You know, "Oh, God. I'm coming."
9. Do you believe in Evolution-theory?
no, I'm a devolutionist...I'm waiting for the day we humans
devolve back to our caveman's ways, where clothing is not just
optional, but unheard of.
10. What happens with us after the death, in your opinion?
Oh, shit. You just had to ask that question. Let's me consult with Fiblo the clown at the next seance...Fiblo knows all the answers.
11. What will this planet look like in 100 years?
Pretty groovy, I'm thinking I want George Jetson's car.
12. Do you think it would be a good idea to abolish all religions?
Only the ones that don't encourage its members to try every sex position possible and the ones that require regular attendance in order to be "saved." Oh yeah, cancel all religions that don't let me sleep in on Sundays and those that require me to have a pet donkey.