What a month, I need help!

by Disposable Hero 9 Replies latest jw experiences

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  Disposable Hero

  I have not been on here for awhile, so much has happened. Anyways, here is my story. Some may remember my story in which I did a lot of research on the society and never joined. I knew when I was dealing with the elders I had stumped them many times. With many of my questions they just told me to write the society. The thing was I knew what the answers were. (UN scandal, trinity brochure, etc.) When I finished my discussion with the elders I told them many times that I believe in God and the Bible, my problem is with following men.I never heard a peep from the elders for half a year. Then just 2 weeks ago I visited my 85 yearold aunt who is a witness. The elders came to her and told her I joined a cult and I don't believe in God. I told her this is totally untrue; she wondered why the elders would do this. I told her I didn't know as to not to upset her( I believe the real reason is because the elders do not want me to associate with any witness)

  This upsets me a bit in that the elders have done this but this is not my main problem. A day after this a girl I have known my whole life came out to visit family.She lives 10 hours away She is single,23 with 2 kids and is witness.(same age as me) She has same life story as me ; mom was a witness, dad wasn't. We both grew up knowing what the witnesses taught, but opted not to become witnesses after school. She went back to the witnesses 2 years ago after a very bad relationship and now her life is stable. We always have had feelings for each other, but we never acted upon them until 2 weeks ago when we got together. Our feelings for each other are so strong. But she doesn't want a husband who is not a witness, that is the one thing between us. I told her a lot of the things the society has done,and why I believe they are not the true religion they say they are. She has said she will look these things up. I also told her about the cult thing and how it isn't fair to me.( guess it would be true if I became a witness) Her mother is a strong witness and has always been very fond of me, but she is a little disturbed that I have chosen to not become a witness. But she said she is willing to talk to me about my questions. How can I approach this situation? I know some of you will say run Forrest run, but I am one who will not run from any challenge. I really love this girl ( i see much of my mother in her;who passed away 2 years ago ) She is extremely beautiful, when she smiles my heart just melts, I could go on and on. She has said the same about me. What can I do? What should I do? Please help!
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  recoveringexjw

  RUN now fast dont turn back there will be other fish to catch
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  peaceloveharmony

  i say run too. BUT, if you think you can help her see the truth about the truth you may want to think about helping her but i think if you are in love it will be a very hard road...

  good luck in whatever you decide.
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  SYN

  Oh boy. There are many fish in the sea, but methinks you like this one too much to throw back.

  Strength to you in whatever you decide to do, but if this woman, after seeing ALL the evidence, still believes the Society is "God's Organization" then she has a serious problem with reality in general.
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  SYN

  Oh boy. There are many fish in the sea, but methinks you like this one too much to throw back.

  Strength to you in whatever you decide to do, but if this woman, after seeing ALL the evidence, still believes the Society is "God's Organization" then she has a serious problem with reality in general.
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  rosalyn

  Oh dear man you are definitely in a tough situation. Sounds like she wants stability with desperation after being out "in the world" and you have to admit that for the most part JWs can be a haven. But that refuge can comes with some pretty thick strings. Convincing her that you are a stable and caring man without this religion to back you up will be the trick.

  Matters of the heart are so delicate and with an organization like jws meddling in the background of this relationship it won't be an easy decision .....wish you the best in what ever you decide
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  Disposable Hero

  She said she is willing to look up things, but if she starts asking questions the elders will probably tell her to lose contact with me. For a relationship between us to occur, I guess this will happen sooner or later. Whatever decision is made, this girl's heart will be broken, something I don't want to happen, but it will. I have made up my mind I am going after her, just have not decided how I am going to. Some of you have said to run and go after other fish, the funny thing is that I have had the chance to date at least 10 great girls in the last year, but I have decided to fall for a girl with many strings attached. I just can't help how I feel.

  Has anyone else been accused of joining a cult or lies spread about them when you question the society?
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  Mulan

  Unless she is willing to look at what you have told her...............I mean to mentally even 'go there', this relationship is doomed.

  A similar thing happened with my parents. They have been divorced for 33 years, and are both elderly and widowed. Dad knows what we know, and cannot ever be a witness again. They would like to marry, but Mom insists Dad become active again, which he won't do. They are at a stalemate, but at least are smart enough to know it can't work, without compromise.

  Any marriage counselor will tell you that this issue is a "marriage breaker".

  I hate to tell you that, but I recommend you walk away before you end up with a broken heart.
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  sunshineToo

  As I was reading your post, I couldn't help smiling. Why? Let me just say that I've been there and done that. Don't be too disappointed. It's not too impossible.

  For my case I met him through my mom who was and is a witness. She thought he was a fine young man who wouldn't wait to be a witness. We only emailed for a while because I refused to see him in person. ;-) All the time he showed me deep understanding and patient. After our 2nd meeting, he emailed me that he would like to have a Bible study with brothers. I was so happy. He wanted to keep it secert for a while from his family esp. his mom. They were not witnesses. But soon she found out about me and what was going on. She had him check into the history of the WTS, and you know how that was going to turn out. ;-) He refused to become a witness. But at the same time he refused to stop loving me. No matter what, he wanted to stay with me. Of course he gave me some infos regarding the WTS, but at that time it was more like those infos were thrown at me. And I didn't get to think or examine them carefully. Just like any other witness, I was willing to overlook all the mistakes/misguidances by the WTS. But he kept studying. He said that he did it for me - because he knew that it made me happy. He wanted to make me happy. He began coming to the meetings and assemblies with me. Meanwhile I got to see some things within the organizations and in the congregation that bothered my conscience. Then, the Child Molestation Case came up. And I knew something was up. I did more research and found out the REAL truth about the WTS. I was very upset, and I told him all about them. Some info I found were new to him, but he wasn't quick to be excited because he knew the concequences of df/da. After I spoke to an elder over the phone, my attitude got softened a little. He noticed that, too. When I told him that I was going to meet with the elders again as an official meeting, he sent me an email. And here is a part of it:

  Anyway, I just don't want you to get into a situation where you have no
  control over what happens. I don't want you to be tricked back into the
  organization. If you go back, I want it to be because YOU decided to go
  back ON YOUR OWN, not because your were tricked into coming back. Don't let
  them twist the truth around on you. I love you and I will still love you
  and stay with you no matter what you do. If you go back to being a Witness,
  I will be disappointed, but it won't be enough to make me stop loving you or
  not want to marry you. I just worry that THEY might give you more pressure
  about me ("he's of the world! see how he almost fooled you into leaving
  us?"). I know you are strong and I probably have little to worry about,
  but, hey, I love you, so I DO worry about you, okay? :-)
  
  I love you! Be strong!

  As you can see, I had choices. He didn't give me any pressure. In fact I got so much pressure from my mother ( to be faithful to the WTS ) that I was going insane a little. Fortunately I got to be on business trip for a few days, and it calmed me down a lot. I'm sure the sister whom you love so much is also under a lot of pressure.

  D.H., DO NOT PUSH HER! Just be patient and understanding. And don't forget to pray to Jehovah. If she is honest hearted and openminded, she will see the truth. Since she is a mother, have her look into the Child Molestation case. To the witnesses, outside of the organization could be very scary and devastating, not to mention the attitudes of "friends". If you really love her, show her that she is the most important person in your life through your support and love.

  For my case, I'm disassociated since last week. Without his support I know I would be in a mental institution by now. ;-) We've been engaged since Jan. of this year. We are hoping to get married either end of this year or in spring.

  See...it's not too impossible. I hope I have shed some hopeful light on you.

  You mentioned that her smile "melts" your heart. Funny......he said the same thing to me, too. Good luck, and I hope things go well for you.
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  EXJWBrit

  Run, Forrest, Run