One of the positive things about this board is the ability to express opinions and feelings.Have you ever felt guilty for doing or saying something because of Witness ignorance? I remember many years ago disfellowshipping a terminally ill older woman because she chose to live with her disfellowshipped "apostate" daughter who was caring for her. This still haunts me and makes me realize the unbelievable power elders can have. Thankfully, God knows how stupid and ignorant we can be.And hopefully God will forgive us of our mistakes.
DO YOU FEEL GUILTY ?
by minimus 15 Replies latest jw friends
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Dutchie
Hi Minimus, Gee, that seems so cold. Did you offer her an alternative to her daughter's care? Where was she to go if not to her daughter? You are right, elders have too much power.
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Marilyn
OH god. I'm disfed for apostasy and my mother is dying - she isn't living with me, but my dad might come and live with me when she goes. I think I'm the only one he feels really comfortable with (I'm the only one not a Witness .......huh!). It's all so distressing - this death thing, and having anyone add burdens like disfellowshipping and shunning to what is already overwhelmingly difficult is just too much. Unless you experience something in your own life, you cannot fully appreciate the difficulties involved.
Yeah I feel tremendous guilt for bringing a number of people into the wacko cult (I believe it is a cult). I did what I thought was right at the time. I have to live with my conscience.
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sunshineToo
Wow, that sounds too extreme! Even Watchtower article says otherwise. I think it was 4/15/88 article regarding the DF/DA. It says to keep the communications to very minimal, but in case a family member needs care, the article says that whether he is df or da, you should take care of him.
In your case, I don't know how long ago it was, but it really sounds like they ( the elders ) mishandled the situation. ( sigh.....) Another broken heart..........;-(
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minimus
This was early 80s and no compassion was encouraged by the society or traveling overseers.The viewpoint was that if SHE didn't find another alternative, then SHE proved she really was casting her lot with an apostate family member.....Yeah,so cold.
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myself
Minimus, I can understand the guilt. I shunned two of my brothers when one was "disassciated" and the other one was df'd. I of course thought I was doing the right thing at the time. My youngest brother who had been disassociated still has emotional pain from this period in his life, I very much regret that I caused part of his pain. I am happy to say that at this time in our lives four out of five of us are xjw's. Only one to go(he is currently an elder), a girl can always hope.
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Haereticus
minimus
I take it that it is not very wise to jump off from a moving train, but what about the very next station where the train stops?
Mark
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DanTheMan
I remember one time in field service, in a burst of zealous, righteous indignation we purposely ran over a woman who was an apostate who happened to be crossing the street. I feel guilty about tha...just kidding.
Wasn't that the mentality, though?
I remember one time talking to an elder about a sister in my congregation who had a sister who was a well-known, born-again-fundamentalist apostate who went on the religious radio talk shows to rag on the WT and everything. Well, everybody knew that these sisters still had contact with each other (I guess blood is thicker than Pharisaical rules). I remember making some nasty comments about it, "how can she talk to her?" I feel pretty stupid about that now, I was so conditioned to hate anyone who dared speak abusively of the almighty Watchtower. I'm actually friends with the aforementioned apostate now, and she is a great, great lady (though awfully religious - I think she traded one craziness for another slightly less craziness).
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Lady Lee
Minimus Sadly even elders were given instructions that those who chose to associate with "apostates" were to be shunned. You were following orders. Telling you not to feel guilty is absurd. Rather be a little kind with yourself. Even in your mistakes God loves you and forgives.
Sadly I shunned an uncle and friends. But now that I am out we have reconnected. We all understand we were acting in ways that were not "authentically us". Now that we can choose we make healthier choices.
Be gentle with yourself
Lee
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Amazing
HI Minimus: You noted,
... still haunts me and makes me realize the unbelievable power elders can have.
The Elders had no more power than what we gave them. The real 'power' was our individual belief in the religion and our complete trust mortgaged over to the Watchtower corporation. Once that belief and trust was broken and we realized we were duped, then the Elders quickly shrank to nothing.
More to the point of your post, I feel somewhat "embarassed" over some things I said and did, and I feel bad and responsible for any hurt and harm I contributed to because of my acts as a JW and as an Elder ... but, I do not feel guilty, because I did not act with willful deliberate knowledge. Had I participated in anything worse than I did, doing so with knowledge of the harm, then I would rightly feel guilt, and would have to try and find a way to make amends to those harmed.