ruse

by teejay 14 Replies latest jw experiences

  • teejay
    teejay

    For some reason, and I don't know why, the BBC program has evoked feelings that the Dateline program never did. I think it must have been the cops.

    I was raised with few advantages. Single (black) mother, raising six children on her own...

    No father. Deep South. Early sixties.

    Then--it seemed--Divine Light shone on us. In turn, Sister Boyd and then Sister Bailey brought god's truth to my mother. The great god above in the form of His Humble People came to visit my mother, and us. Door by door they searched for us and found us. There *was* a way out of our misfortune. All was *not* lost, after all. Glory be!

    In the mid-seventies, I spent much of my teen years being a nerd... like spending hours during the summer following the Watergate hearings on TV. In other ways and by other means, I came to accept the inability of men to solve humanity's problems. Little by little, everything I'd been led to believe was more or less verified, through the glasses my mother had given me to wear.

    The world *was* no good... in need of being replaced.

    People *were* mostly bad... worthy of being destroyed.

    Or so it seemed.

    There's a lot I could say here but more than anything I will say that I cannot escape the underlying sadness I feel. Again. Part of me wants... will always want... The Truth(tm) to be what I always believed it was. Yet, what I once saw as an advantage for me and my siblings turned out to be just another hurdle to overcome, a hurdle that our family is still working very hard to breach.

    I find it hard to fight the tears that come as I realize (all over again) that The Truth(tm), too, was nothing but a ruse, a sham, a joke played on my down-and-out family.

    Not just my family, but so many others.

  • larc
    larc

    I know what you mean, Teejay. The truth may set you free, but is will also make you sad. Sometimes, ignorance is bliss. Problem is, once you are no longer ignorant, you can never go back to the bliss you once had. Sometimes, enlightenment is both a blessing and a curse.

  • Gedanken
    Gedanken

    teejay,

    Thanks so much for posting that - Panorama evoked similar feelings for me too. But, maybe such trials help us to be better, more thoughtful people. Being a nerd isn't all bad - after all, it makes us think. Sometimes I am glad I was a JW - after all, many people go through life caring only about soaps or money or a new car etc. What matters is where we go from here. Even a sham and a ruse can have its silver lining if we just look for it - e.g., your posts have surely helped many people to put things into perspective....certainly I have valued your insights and honesty.

    Again, thanks for such an insightful and thought-provoing post,

    love,

    Gedanken

  • Gopher
    Gopher

    Thanks for this post teejay -- I think you nailed it when you said adding the law-enforcement perspective made the PANORAMA program excel. Just hearing that one official say "Shame on them!" made me feel how deeply even HE felt about the hurt that was caused innocent people.

    Certain parts of the program (or programme, as the Brits would spell it) were difficult to watch. But these young ladies were telling the truth, and that truth needs to be faced squarely.

  • sunshineToo
    sunshineToo

    I didn't understand the word, "ruse" first. So I looked up my Webster's Dictionary, and it says that "ruse" means "subterfuge". Huh???????? What is "subterfuge"????????? x-p So I looked up "subterfuge"................ O.K. Now I understand.

    Well, teejay, I think you and I are going through the same thing. And it seems like many in this forum, too, are in the same boat as we are. I've talked to several people both the witnesses and "worldly" people, and have written quite a few emails to people.

    I am no longer a witness since last week. I am free in a way, but I feel happiness and sadness at the same time. I feel like I have been betrayed by "the truth". I think it is kind of like getting broken hearted. A couple of nights ago when I learned about a Canadian brother who tried to save his daughter, I cried all day. I don't know. I just couldn't stop my tears. I wanted to help, but I was helpless. I know that Jehovah God knows what we are going through.

    teejay, I believe that we, you and I and everyone in this forum have to move ahead. Do not feel that the witnesses tricked on you and your family. Chances are they are "victims of victims" and "followers of followers". For me I don't blame anyone, well, except for the WTS. ;-p

    There are many decent people in the JW organization, who are not seeing what we are seeing. All we can do is praying for those people and the others who might become another "victims of victims" and "followers of followers." When you have a chance, speak out discreetly. It is so easy to become so emotional, but we have to remember that the witnesses are human being, too, with hearts and warm blood. If they didn't have any decency, they wouldn't become the JWs in the first place. Wouldn't you agree? ;-)

    Take care of yourself, teejay. And remember that you are not alone. There are so many of us, and there are Jehovah and Jesus Christ. They are watching us, too, feeling our pain.

  • outoftheorg
    outoftheorg

    Yeah Teejay.

    My memories go back to the 1940's and I grew up in a jw family. Panorama and some other things lately have brought up some sadness about what might have been in that religion if it had not been for the likes of Rutherford- Fred Franz- and the other arrogant ones on the gb. There are a lot of really good people in the rank and file and some of the elders were good folks also.

    It is difficult when we learn we can't look to some org. to think for us and we have to do our own thinking and decisions and face the world somewhat by ourselves. But as you learn to work with others in the world in the same situation and form friends it gets easier bit by bit. It turned out in my life that after a time (a few years) that the freedom to think for myself started replacing the sadness. If I do or recieve some thing good that I would have avoided when in the org. I get a kind of breath of fresh air feeling from it. Another thing I really enjoy is not looking at every one not in the org as a potential enemy that we expected to turn on us at armageddon. I can finally look at my non jw neighbors as a source of help in a time of need and I can offer the same to them.

    I must say you sure can express your self well with the written word. Hang in there Teejay take it one day at a time and enjoy your self enjoy the good things in life and don't dwell on the past too much. That has been a problem for me and I still have to work on it.

  • BugParadise
    BugParadise

    {{{{{{{{{{{{TeeJay}}}}}}}}

    Love ya guy :)

    ~Bugs

  • DanTheMan
    DanTheMan

    I agree about current JW's being victims of victims and followers of followers. Who is really to blame for the existence of the Watchtower cult?

  • teejay
    teejay

    I think I may have been a little unclear with the point of what I've said here...

    Almost a decade ago I became convinced that the WTS is not what I'd been raised to believe. Convinced that Jehovah, if he exists at all (and I seriously question *that* "truth), has from the time of The Judge had nothing to do with the Watchtower Bible & Tract Society.

    Two things Outoftheorg eloquently said stuck out for me:

    There are a lot of really good people in the rank and file and some of the elders were good folks also.

    It is difficult when we learn ... we have to do our own thinking and decisions and face the world somewhat by ourselves.

    I heartily agree with both statements. While I have successfully (so far) distanced myself from the Organization without any severe repercussions (not df'd or da'd), a couple of truths remain.

    1. I still love the JWs I know (and knew) as much as I ever did.

    2. (and here's what I was getting at at the beginning) Part of me --my soul, my heart--will always be a Dub. I will always have a fondness for that way of life; for what I once thought was the one and only True Religion; for the idea and the ideal that god cared about us and directed honest, honorable men to shepherd us lovingly.

    As Out said, it can be tough to get smacked back to earth and be forced to face the brutal truth of it all. It's just that every now and then a glimpse of the dream, the fantasy, I once held so close to my heart resurfaces... and gets smashed all over again.

  • sunshineToo
    sunshineToo

    Thanks for clearing out, teejay!

    I can understand you. In fact "the truth" was the first and only Christianity I knew of. However, I discovered that many ideas were based on the WTS's interpretation of the Bible. Some may be right, and some may not be right. I'm not in the position to say who is right or wrong. I'm just an another little human being. ;-) I would probably hold onto some of their ideas. You know like the first love. ;-) You never forget your first love.

    Edited by - sunshineToo on 16 July 2002 11:27:9

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