I can't believe this!!!!!!!

by Delite2k 18 Replies latest social relationships

  • Delite2k
    Delite2k

    I am so upset I don't know where to begin! I met this guy back in Dec. at my job, during the first week I started. (I had a post in the past about my dating him, he's a JW) Everything was going cool, except for the fact that: 1) he had a second job as a Producer/DJ and 2) he didn't have a car, he had to borrow his parents car. but it was ok as long as we were together. We got along from the start. We could talk about everything, he made me laugh all the time, at work we would take break or lunch together, he would call everynight, etc. I started to fall in love with him, but I didn't want to tell him to early, I wanted to wait til at least 5 months to say the "L" word.

    He made many promises to me and since I trusted him, I believed him. He promised that as soon as he gets his own car, we'll get to do more things together. He told me how much he cared for me and the main thing was that he promised that he would not do anything to hurt me. Sometime in May, he finally got his own car. At one time all he could talk about (besides his love for music) was getting a car. And I was so happy for him, hell I was excited. He took me to the dealership to show me which one he was getting and everything. All of the sudden after about a week. He tells me that we should be "just friends", because now he has a ride, he's going to be in the studio more and take on more DJ gigs. So he's not gonna have time for me. Oh but he does tell me that its not that he dosen't want to be with me, cause he do, or that he dosen't care for me cause he do, its just he's going to be busy.

    We were on the phone when he told me this, (He couldn't face me like a man) so I just burst into tears. It felt like a kick to the chest. But then he made more promises. He says he'll still call everynight and if he does get some available time he'll let me know, so we can plan something. Now its been about two months and i've tried to pretend i'm ok, but I still cry about it. at work I try to ignore him, but he comes to me and says hello or ask why i'm not talking to him. One time he asked me, and I quote, "How do you think I feel when you won't talk to me or when I say 'hi' you don't answer back?" then he called me shady for being that way! I told him I can't be friends with him because i have deep feelings for him. He dosen't understand why we can't be friends. He tells me that he dosen't want me out of his life, that he don't want to say goodbye. How is that?!!

    By the way the phone calls have stopped over 3 weeks ago, and I admit i've asked a few times if he will be available yet so we can go out. Now he's too busy to pick up a phone. I just see him at work and thats it. What happpened reciently that really has me so hurt was when I asked him what he did this past weeekend and he told me he went to the movies, to the baseball game and bowling. Call me crazy but didn't he say that when he had available time he would let me know? So I figure he dosen't care about me, dosen't want to be with me and i'm starting tothink the time we spent together was just to fill in the void since he couldn't do his producing too much. I've been so depressed. At work I walk around like a zombie, I don't function right, I cry. Again he comes up to me and ask me why am I so sad. WHAT?!!! How could he?! I used to be the one at work always smiling, joking around, but he's taken away my happiness.

    In closing I would like to know, How could someone who claims to be a servant of God do this to me? How could he talk about the bible or witness to people with a straight face knowing he's hurt someone that he says he care about? Is this what they teach in the Kingdom Hall, to be decietful?! To hurt people?! But he still wants me in his life. What did I do to him? Why do men have to be like this?

    Sorry its so long!!!!

  • pomegranate
    pomegranate

    That is so sad.

    I'd suggest listening to Boy George and Culture Club's "The Crying Game" right about now. You need it. :-)

    May you find true love.

  • dungbeetle
    dungbeetle

    I hope you are feeling better soon, and I hope you find a better friend the next time around.

  • ItsJustlittleoldme
    ItsJustlittleoldme
    He made many promises to me and since I trusted him, I believed him. He promised that as soon as he gets his own car, we'll get to do more things together. He told me how much he cared for me and the main thing was that he promised that he would not do anything to hurt me. Sometime in May, he finally got his own car. At one time all he could talk about (besides his love for music) was getting a car. And I was so happy for him, hell I was excited. He took me to the dealership to show me which one he was getting and everything. All of the sudden after about a week. He tells me that we should be "just friends", because now he has a ride, he's going to be in the studio more and take on more DJ gigs. So he's not gonna have time for me. Oh but he does tell me that its not that he dosen't want to be with me, cause he do, or that he dosen't care for me cause he do, its just he's going to be busy.

    I'm very sorry to hear this.. However, if you understand the JW mindset, this is very explainable (IMHO)...

    A.) He really did like you, and he is trying to have you walk away from him.. So, what he does is do everything he can so that he can see that the love you said you had for him is conditional on his accepting you...

    B.) By you being upset, and crying, you are proving to him that indeed he was right..

    I know it's tough, but if you really want to show him love, go up to him the next time you see him and tell him that you love him uncondionally, no matter how badly he treats you, you will always be there for him. Then tell him how you wished he could understand real love, and then walk away!

    He is trying to make you a victim, a victim of the Watchtower, in hopes that later on you will be receptive to their 'message' of conditional love, unquestioning loyalty to the men that run their religion, etc. etc. etc....

    I know it hurts, I know that you feel used, but Jesus would turn the other cheek, and say, I love you regardless of how you treat me!

    And, guess what, after you do this, you won't feel like a victim any longer!!!!! You have shown him the better love, and trust me, it will bother him!!!

    He may never show it to you (although I suspect he will in some way), but trust me, it will bother him... He is under the control of a cult, and he doesn't know what he is doing (He does, but he honestly thinks he is doing the best he can to save you -- in his own mixed up way, he believes he is showing you love)... But, by showing him real love, you will be helping him to take the first step(s) into beginning to realize something is wrong!!!!

    The witnesses believe that NO-ONE but them can understand love.. By showing him real love, you not only show him that they are wrong, but you also show him that his love is alot less powerful than your love.. His "love" is based on acceptance and obiedience.. All the relationships in his life are based on the "love" he has for the organization, and how much "work" he does to prove that he is a good Jehovah's Witness... If he were to ever even question the organization, that love would be withdrawn, even by his own parents..

    If you show that even if he withdraws his love and affection from you, you still love him and will be there for him no matter what he does, that will bother him, as he will feel what 'real love' is, but yet to him, that kind of love doesn't exist..

    You may lose him anyway (In fact, I believe you will -- sorry) but if you really love him and want to help him later on in life, go to him and tell him that you are always there for him, and YOU LOVE HIM AND WILL ALWAYS HELP HIM NO MATTER HOW BADLY HE TREATS YOU!

    It will help him in the long run, and it will empower you, and make you feel like less of a victim!!!

    Edited by - itsjustlittleoldme on 18 July 2002 23:0:53

  • RedhorseWoman
    RedhorseWoman

    Delite2K, Unfortunately, you have been a victim of young JW male deviousness. As a worldly girl, you could never be considered by him to be someone with whom to build a relationship....that is reserved for good JW girls. Most likely, the good JW girls didn't want anything to do with him when he didn't have transportation, but now he is all set and can turn his attention to THEM.

    I'm so sorry that he used you this way. It is NOT right....but it frequently happens. I hope that you will soon find someone who deserves your caring and trust.

  • AjaxMan
    AjaxMan

    Delite2K,

    I'm really sorry to hear what happened to you. Your story really boils my blood as I went to a similar situation with a JW girl. You are so right about him taking away your happiness. That's what that girl did to me. I know it makes you angry as it did to me, but one thing you can do is move on, ignore him at work, start going out with friends or start going out with other guys (that will definitely call his attention).

    In closing I would like to know, How could someone who claims to be a servant of God do this to me? How could he talk about the bible or witness to people with a straight face knowing he's hurt someone that he says he care about? Is this what they teach in the Kingdom Hall, to be decietful?! To hurt people?! But he still wants me in his life. What did I do to him? Why do men have to be like this?

    They make all these claims and believe me, they are HYPOCRITES: They think that they are the only ones who have the right and can do the hell they want without regard to non-JWs only because they think they are "blessed" and belong in "God's true organization". Believe me also that all of them, JWs, men or women, hurt people. The list grows, you are not the only non-JW who's been hurt.

    • He still wants you in his life. NO! don't do that, cut yourself from his life. He's saying that to use you and to toy you around as in controlling you.
    • What did you do to him? I don't think you did anything to him all you wanted to do is to get closer to him, but because of his SCREWED UP religion, he's playing mind games with you because you're not a JW.
    • Why do men have to be like this? Not all men are like this. Soon, you'll find someone better who appreciates and loves you NOT because of religion, but because of WHO you are.

    Sorry for being long, but like I said, this boils my blood.

    Regards and hugs,

    Ajax

  • AjaxMan
    AjaxMan

    Sorry for the double post!!

    Edited by - AjaxMan on 18 July 2002 23:38:56

  • Prisca
    Prisca

    (((((((((Delite2K))))))))))

    I'm sorry you have been treated so nastily by this guy, but you have been very good advice by the others. I know it's hard having to see him every day, but hold your head up high and realise that you have not done anything wrong - he has!

    Find someone else who can make you laugh and smile, and get on with your life. You deserve better!!

  • DakotaRed
    DakotaRed

    Delite, you unfortuantely fell for a jerk. Way too many men are like that and sadly, I have met a few women like that in my life too. I would do your best to forget this guy and get on with your life. Missing a man is like missing the bus. Don't worry about it, another will be along shortly.

    It hurts and I'm sure you feel humiliated. But, look upon it as a learning experience. Next time, don't be so quick to fall for a guy that doesn't already have a car, a place of his own and a steady paycheck.

    As I told my daughters when theyn were in High School, keep looking and you will find Mr. Right. When you do, though, just make sure his first name isn't Always.

    Lew W

  • Delite2k
    Delite2k

    Why did he choose me? he knew about my past relationships and how I couldn't take being hurt again. I've tried talking to him, but he says all I want to talk about is us and he tries to avoid the subject. How can I get him to listen to me and hear me out? I just want to talk to him one last time, to get closure. Or am I asking for too much?

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