Invent some problems for JW's

sleepy

Lets invent some problem for JW's to see how far you can take their rules.

1.Siamese twins get baptised.One now get disfellowshipped for apostacy.The witness one ,get counceled by the elders for mixing with apostates.Eventualy gets disfellowshipped for too much assosiation with apostate other half.

2.Man has sex change, but then becomes witness.Is he a brother or a sister?

3.Chimpanzee gets taught english and wants bible study , can he now get baptised?

Edited by - sleepy on 20 July 2002 14:4:10

Quotes

3.Chimpanzee gets taught english and wants bible study , can he now get baptised?

Can he? The question would be only "how soon can he get baptised?" They would waste no time in creating this high-level marketing tool that would get them on CNN able to say "See, Jehovah's beautiful truth is so simple, even a chimp can understand! So why can't opposers? I guess they are not as smart as a chimp."

OK, here is my problem for JWs:

(4) Have them secretly become officially associated with their Arch-enemy, the United Nations..... whoops, that one really happend

(5) Have them secretly come into possession of equity ownership of a company which develops high-tech products that are entirely targeted for military applications... hold the stock for many years, despite knowledge of the bloody nature of the company... whoops, I'm too late there too

(6) Have them experience a numer of occurences within the organization of the most vile and horrific nature: child molestation. Create a backwards, antiquated policy which tends to leave the victim unpunished, and unreported to police.... whoops, the Watchtower beat me to that one too....

OK, here is a real one (inspired by World Youth Day (http://www.wyd2002.org), which is coming to Toronto this week:

(7) The pope is touring New York. He is outreaching to other denominations and is visiting other religious dignitaries. He wants to visit the Brooklyn Bethel and/or Patterson. Do they admit the leader of "Babylon the Great" to their sanctum?

(8) It becomes fashionable for pacifists to wear there hair long, since short hair is believed to have started in the ranks of the ancient Roman army. Do JW boys let their hair grow long?

Edited by - Quotes on 20 July 2002 14:31:30

Gopher

(8) It becomes fashionable for pacifists to wear there hair long, since short hair is believed to have started in the ranks of the ancient Roman army. Do JW boys let their hair grow long?

Mike Musto, where are you when we need you?

onacruse

What a gas!! However, Sleepy, I suggest the following solutions to your problems:

1) Siamese problem: qualifies as "in the immediate household" association, as per the August 2002 KM;

2) Male sex change problem: of course he's a brother, but would have to wear head covering;

3) Studying monkey: the Bible study is not the challenge, making it through the baptismal questions is the killer.

Respectfully submitted,

The JW Problem Solver

(See my new web-site http://www.jwproblemsnomore.com)

robert

Love this idea. The problem with the chimpanzee (or chimpan zed as we Brits say) should be straightforward because there is a clear precedent in scripture. OK, not in scripture, it's in the apocryphal New Testament. According to the story, Philip and a companion encountered a leopard which was attacking a poor defenceless goat. Outraged, Philip called upon the leopard to stop and to repent in the name of Jesus Christ. The leopard, realising the error of his ways, fell on his knees at Philip's feet and begged for forgiveness. On being assured that his sins were forgiven, he received the power of speech (don't ask how he could have begged forgiveness first... That's a mere detail designed to test the faith of those who are inclined to skepticism) and both he and the goat accompanied Philip, rejoicing in their new faith and proclaiming the Gospel. Though the account doesn't actually tell us that the leopard and the goat were baptised we must presume that the were as the Spirit had clearly been given them. There's lots of other fun stuff in the apocryphal NT.

Robert Crompton

onacruse

SYN

Oh God, that Siamese thing was funny! "Brother, you're sleeping with an Apostate! How dare you! BANG! You're gone!"

William Penwell

I think they the Siamese twins would be disfellowshiped for sleeping with a person of the same sex. Either that or one would have to get sex change which would lead you to problem 2. Too funny, just shows you how idiotic the borgs policies can be.

Will

Farkel

The Flock book has different policies for "breast-touching" should a single dub guy ever try to do it. Tell the elders you want to meet with them because you need their "spiritual advice" on a matter. When you get them all seated, say, "Guys, I want to play with some boobs, but I don't want to get myself into too much trouble, so I need your advice before I get busy. I don't have any problems with a reproof, but I don't want to get DFd so I need some guidelines here.

Here are the questions I have, and I'm sure you can give me the proper Bible-Based(tm) answers:

Is touching wordly boobs more scripturally wrong than touching Theocratic boobs? If so, why, especially if the boobs are the same size and shape?

Will I get into more trouble if the boobs I touch are big than if they are small? If so, why? What cup size will help me determine when I've crossed the line from small boobs to big boobs? Some women have very small boobs and if I touch the area where a boob would normally be, is it still the same as touching the same area where a boob actually resides?

Is it worse to touch the entire boob if she takes her shirt off than if she leaves her clothes on?

Will I get into less trouble if I work extra-hard to keep my hands off the nipples?

Just how hard can I squeeze a boob before I move from the area of "touching" into the area of "caressing?" How can I be sure I keep my grip below the limit that would get me into serious trouble? Does the Society have a "grip meter" that could help me do the least-bad thing?

If she takes the initiative and puts my hand on her boob, would it be a Christian insult to withdraw my hand? Would I "stumble" her in that situation?

Do I get into less trouble if I keep my eyes closed and don't look at the boob I will be touching?

For that matter, if she just shows me her boobs and I stare at them, but don't touch them, will I remain Theocratically Clean(tm)?

Thank you brothers. I need all the help I can get here. There are many boobs out there and each moment counts. With every passing moment "the time left is indeed reduced."

Farkel

William Penwell

Farkel

Here is another dilemma for you. If you were a brother and had a sex change to a sister, would it be scripturally OK to play with your own boobs???

Will

Invent some problems for JW's

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