Hi Saint & others,
I too have revisited 'my roots', and as mentioned by LadyLee it was as a part of abuse recovery... for me a form of closure. Returning to these places as an adult, physically at least, allowed me to see them from a different perspective and therefore assisted emotional development. As a child I did what I had to do as a child, as an adult I was able to return and say 'no more'. It was cathartic to realise that the abusive environment I was once in had moved on, and therefore so could I. The memories I had of these places lost their power, for the fact is that I'd been keeping the memories alive, as I had nothing to compare them with.
I can't really explain it, but actually seeing that the houses I once lived in, the rooms I once slept & ate in, the cupboards and closets I was locked in, weren't as big as I once remembered them was, so powerful. A child's physical perception of people, places and situations is just so different to that of an adult. Sure I got flashbacks, but I was able to apply rational adult reasoning to these. I found a degree of peace, and have since been able to return to the vicinity of these areas without experiencing these flashbacks.(I say vicinity, because I have no further wish to intrude upon those that now live in the houses I once lived in. Incidentally, the understanding and compassion granted me by these house owners was diametrically opposed to the view promoted by the JWs of those 'in the world').
Curiously, I have also met up with former school associates, who for whatever reason acted out their own and their parent's prejudices. It was great!!! It seems that some of them had been carrying years of guilt for what they had done, and meeting up with a forgiving and understanding me proved to be a huge release for them. They said "Sorry", I said "Thank you." We did the Brit thing of shaking hands (Brit blokes ain't great huggers), had a laugh, and then got on with our lives.
This is so different from the attitude and behaviours of my parents and other JWs. They continue to maintain their self-righteousness and actually appear to resent me. Resent me??? Well, I ask you!! It's 23 years since I left!!! I've got to laugh, though really it is quite sad and tragic. However, that is the life that they choose to lead. Whether they are happy or sad with it, is no concern of mine.. live and let live. Incidentally, my parents could not understand how I maintained a joyful demeanour and an inner peace whilst I was fighting cancer, they thought this was God's judgement of me after 17 years (at the time) of being out of the Org. Just how sick is that?
I also remember my father saying, "I never thought that you were going to die before me." (Was he with Job in a former life??? lolol). I thought later "Dad, you never though you were going to die period." Mind you, even in this there is hope. He has followed JW doctrine since 1979 with reference to shunning me, but his comments give me an indication that it is all 'shoulders up' stuff, intellect... in his 'heart' he hasn't been able to consider me dead. Even for one of the most stalwart of JWs, the doctrine can't take away what is in the heart.
Hmmmmm, I gone on a bit, thanx for the posting saint
FreeToBeMe