How much before a person snaps? (page 5)

LeslieV

Dear Moe;

My heart is breaking for you and your daughter if you are tying to tell us she was sexually molested by someone close to her or you.

All those stats you quoted are true, but there are also children that do not fit in those catagories. These are the kids that got help in dealing with what happened to them. They got to talk about it and it was not kept the secret that held control over their lives. The Salvation Army that I work for has a children's program for child victims of sexual assualt and domestic violence. Call an agency and find out what is available not only for her but for you as well. It is devastating for the family. If you do not get help Moe it will eat you up alive. I venture to say that you had no idea this happened so you are not responsible for someone elses criminal behavior. You are now responsible to get help for yourself and her if this indeed is what happened.

Please keep us posted we are all concerned for the both of you!!!

Leslie

Xander

'It never rains....', huh?

I'm terribly sorry to hear that you've got even more weighing down on you. You've pulled through a lot, so I have faith you can make it through this one.

I guess I'll let those who know more about your current situation give more specific advice - from me, best I can say is to 'just hang in there'. We'd all miss ya if you went bonkers.

scootergirl

Amanda.........first, a HUGE hug for you and your daughter. By the number of posts on this thread, you know that you are surrounded my many many friends who care deeply for you.

I can only "guess" what has happened by your posts, and I don't like guessing so I just want to say to you......even though you don't feel strong right now YOU HAVE TO BE. Sometimes that means leaning on someone else for support. Your daughter needs you to be strong and you can do it!

Call a Crisis Shelter, call a friend, call a doctor. CALL SOMEONE.

Please know that you are in our thoughts and prayers.

plmkrzy

Hmmm

(((Moe)))

I have no words

Dia

I don't know your story - I wish I did.

But being a parent is stressful FOR EVERYONE, even under the best of circumstances.

Being a parent, when you grew up in a disfunctional, abusive home can SEEM almost impossible.

Having been there (and I'm still there, tho the really worrisome parts are well behind me), I'm here to tell you, you CAN do it.

One day at a time. Keeping a journal helps. You will amaze yourself at what you succeed at, even with all the anxiety, too.

I found it very useful to keep a daily journal (really, a diary). And to keep 2 small 'lists', as well.

One list, 'things that make me feel BAD' and two, 'Things that make me feel GREAT'.

I would add to these lists everytime I encountered one or the other. And pull them out to read when I needed them (I still do, 10 years later!)

When I could see how my mood and behavior were affected by these things, I was able to start making decisions about adding more 'great' stuff to my life and staying away from the things that brought me down, when possible. Sometimes just recognizing when I was encountering one of those 'down' things helped me to endure it. They don't, afterall, last forever.

Keep all your journals, diaries and lists.

One day you will be looking back on this time. There will be things to smile about and things to cry about.

No one expects you to be perfect. One day at a time. Just do the best you can and try to keep love in your line of vision. It is all the Lord asks.

Do something nice for yourself when you can. A bubble bath. Something fun to read. A quiet walk. Fresh air. Something that smells good. Pretty underwear that you can't afford.

You're important, too. God thinks so. It's not selfish to give yourself something to remind you of that.

Children's needs are actually pretty small. Ignore the media press for THINGS. Kids need patience, attention, kindness.

I LOVE this list on how to raise a psychologically healthy child:

In the very simplest of terms, a really good parent needs only these 4 things. To be:

Warm

Nurturing

Authoritative

Confident

(I would add 'empathic' but maybe that's just another way to say warm and nurturing)

If you grew up in an abusive home these concepts can seem infathomable.

Take confidence! Lucky for us, kids take a long time to grow up and we can grow in our parenting skills as we go.

If life is a tray of cookies, kids are the chocolate chips. Enjoy them! Even in the hard times.

I don't know your story. But I'm in your corner.

I will keep you in my prayers.

Angharad

((((Moe & Emmie )))))

Please talk to someone, dont work through this alone

Dia

Yes, I'm sure it would all be better if there were someone to turn to to take the pressure off, even for a little while. And someone to nurture you when it seems like life is just a one-way street of you giving and giving and giving.

Look for it if you can. I for one, have never been able to find very much of it.

But I'm here to tell you that you can survive without it if you have to. And that oodles and oodles of love will return to you in the future for the time you invest now.

It takes time, but your child will love and be grateful to you for this time of giving your love.

It's not a pipe dream. Hang in there and don't give up. Keep the media (TV) out of your life as much as you can. It just makes everything worse.

Sometimes 'not giving up' means you almost can't do much more than to put one foot in front of the other.

That's okay. It's NOT going to last forever. Trust me.

Find small pleasure in the little things.

A board game. Drawing. Blocks. Cooking. Coloring! (It can be a very healing activity for you, too). Singing. Dancing. Reading together. Going to the library. Taking a walk. Swimming. Bikriding. Playing with water balloons. LISTENING.

You can't just wake up one day and fix this kind of a problem and then it will all be gone. It's the kind of a problem that will unfold throughout her life. That doesn't mean it will be RIGHT THERE every moment. It won't. So don't search for it every moment.

Just let her know that you are available when it DOES surface.

And then be available.

There is also life outside of our troubles. Live it.

And you will give your daughter the confidence to know that she can live it, too.

MrMoe

My daughter just had her interview with the Child Protective Services. She told me Tuesday so i filed the report straight away with the police department. CPS came to my house as this was the 2nd "interview" she has been on, she has her last interview on Monday. Got to sit here and listen to what she said, breaks my heart.

I don't understand how anybody could do this to my daughter, cannot comprehend it all. Keep wishing it was all a bad dream sure feels like one.

Undine

(((((((((((MrMoe)))))))))))---My heart goes out to you and my stomach aches for you---Love, Undine

How much before a person snaps?

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