Is therapy the answer?

ShaunaC

I just finished reading the thread started by Seven regarding therapy. I saw that many of you have gone to counseling as well. Still others are cautious about it. So to those who have gone to therapy and especially those who work in and around the field...

Do you think receiving therapy is important to someone dealing with the affects of leaving a cult like JW's? I do not have the serious issues that many others do such as rape or other forms of abuse. However, I have for the past year been on rollercoaster waves of depression. This is of course due to a variety of factors...1) learning how to trust myself and my decisions and not always wait for the decisions of others; 2) being afraid and uncomfortable of not having my entire life planned out like it was as a JW; 3) what I would call "woman's issues" from being in a cult that hindered a woman from truly growing into her own person; and 4) of course the pain from abandonment by my family because of shunning.

It's not that I can't logically see why I have these feelings. It's not that I don't know that they are completely natural and just part of a process I have to go through. Yet, having that understanding hasn't been able to stop the uncontrollable crying for hours on end that comes upon from time to time.

Do you think that therapy is important for even these issues? Or is it wiser to pursue other avenues such as reading self-help books? If so, which ones would you suggest? Or should I just be patient and allow myself to go through the motions and not dwell on finding any sort of help?

I know many have dealt with this before, so any recommendations or personal experience would be greatly appreciated.

Thank you for listening!

Shauna

waiting

Hey Shauna,

I'm not a professional. There seems two schools of thought on therapy, and then a lot of speculation thrown in.

But while I was in therapy for my childhood and my daughter's, I did a lot of talking (some ranting) about the elders also. Just the freedom of thought was wonderful. I didn't care that I was paying her - I wanted someone who wouldn't condescend to me nor lecture me. That in itself is worth it.

As for the crying, depression, etc., perhaps short term therapy, maybe once a week or bi-weekly just to be able to grasp the situation as to you personally might be in order?

Try getting references, or go to some lectures in your city. I found a good one that way, after a really rotten jw sister therapist. They both had the same credentials - it was *themselves* that made the difference.

Good luck and reading helps tremendously.

waiting

rollercoaster

Shauna,
The questions you ask are great. I am still in good standing as a JW, but that doesn't mean I will be for long. Do you work or have other areas of your life you can focus on? Are there people you know that are not JW to help you? To validate your reasons for not being a JW any longer?
The female concerns are legitimate. I was in an abusive relationship during my first marriage, and the elders were encouraging me to stay. After my spouse held a gun to my head and said he was going to pull the trigger, I managed to leave under the disquise of a vacation to visit my parents. I divorced him.
I remarried a brother, what a joke. He left me....
anyway, to make a long story short, I decided not take any crap from the Bros. anymore, ended up working on a construction site with a couple of them, told them off because they were trying to run my life.
I ended up owning my own construction type business,have to deal with men on a daily basis, the brothers are afraid to talk to me because I wont be bullied or be a submissive woman. They have no grounds to df me.
You need to realize that they are just men trying to be control freaks.
You have intelligence, ability, and the right to make your own decisions.
If you need to go through some counseling to help build your self esteem, then do it. Before I left my abusive situation, I went through therapy. They put me on drugs, and gave me a label. The brothers thought it was great. Now, I am O.K.!!!! The therapy helped me realize that abuse is not acceptable, and the brothers like to put women through a form of mental abuse. Load you down with guilt to please Jehovah. Jehovah would not want the people he loves to stay in an abusive situation!!!!
Well....I think I may have said to much..... hope you get answers that will help you.

RC

RedhorseWoman

Shauna,

I went to therapy for awhile with my husband, who is an alcoholic. I don't think he benefited too much, but I certainly did.

I think the hardest thing to do when looking for a therapist is to find someone who has dealt with cult issues. Sometimes it's difficult for a therapist to understand exactly what we as women, as well as JWs have had to cope with.

The major benefit I got was the understanding that my feelings and reactions were normal....I found that very empowering. I also learned that I had worth as a person. I wasn't just a very small, female cog in the great religious machine of the WTBTS.

The most help I've had with specific JW issues has come from boards like this, where people truly understand the dynamics of the cult.

Seven

Shauna, It was nice meeting you in chat today. Some very good advice from the others in this thread. For me, therapy is helping me make peace with the past. It's working. I have my down moments, like today, but I can get through it. So can you. A friend sent me this poem in email tonight:

We can't change the past-
but we can gather up
it's lessons and move on,
stronger and wiser.
We can't control the future-
but we can send our dreams
ahead of us
to help prepare
the way.
We can live each moment,
heart and soul,
and cherish this day's
greatest gift-
the gift of now.

Wishing you all the best in your journey,
Seven

ZazuWitts

To all,

Some very fine points and advice posted above. The only thing I wanted to add is that therapists vary in their individual approaches - if you seek one out and feel uncomfortable with him/her then quickly end your sessions. It would be beneficial to 'shop around.'
You have every right to question them about their experience with situations similar to yours, knowledge re cult-like backgrounds and therapy 'style.'

Rollercoaster, dear friend, good to see you posting again.:):) Just sent you an e-mail!

rollercoaster

Hi Zazu,
What wonderful advice. You are so right about the therapist you see. I went to one that made me feel very inferior. It is hard to talk to someone about being a JW when you are told over and over again that you can't say anything bad about the organization, and everything that happens to you is for a refining. So how does abuse strenthen you over time for better service to Jehovah? Certainly you don't feel happy out in service when you suffered abuse just before you walked out the door. And MOST certainly nobody in the car group is going to feel comfortable hearing about it. They resent the fact that you have interrupted their day with a big dark cloud. Therapy is good. After you say outloud the concerns you have about the organization the first time, you don't fear sudden death the second time. After awhile you realize your concerns are real, and you have rights to your feelings and emotions and when something makes you feel unfairly a lesser person, you start standing up and saying "wait a minute".
The organization talks about balance, and wants people to demonstrate balance (so they say) wouldn't you say that balance means being treated as an EQUAL? I want to run the mics, and sound and sit on the committee to counsel the brothers. O.K.?!!? Can I huh? Can I?
Oh...sorry, got a little carried away here. Didn't realize I climbed on the soap box.

RC

ZazuWitts

Rollercoaster,

IMO you have come a long way in the last month and a half! I am so proud of you and will support you in any way that I can...and I know others here will do likewise. Just let those feelings out my friend, many of us surely do understand. The microphone at this place is yours whenever you want or need it...no 'permission' needed by any of the 'elders.' HeHe.
I love your spunk! Zazu

rollercoaster

Zaz,
You can probably guess it's my spunk that keeps getting me in trouble. Thankfully the man I want to marry thinks it's great. I am so glad I found this place. Everyone I have met is honest, and helpful. I see all the different points of view, and realize none of you have been struck dead for speaking to others about how you feel. My sincere question now is, how do we meet up to the Bible principles. I'm a little lost on how to proceed. Any help is more than welcome.
How is Shauna doing? Anyone hear from her?

Thanks,
RC

larc

Dear Rollercoaster,

This is Zazu's husband here. She is busy fixing dinner right now. So, here's my 2 cents worth. I think you live by principle by drawing on your own conscience and sense of right and wrong. The Society taught us to look to others, the WT, the elders, mature brothers, etc, etc, We were "other directed people." I think we have to change that and become inner directed and develope our own internal gyroscope. I will be sending you a bill for 2 cents.

Is therapy the answer?

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