Theocratic War Strategy at my house | Part 2

by freeman 12 Replies latest jw friends

  • freeman
    freeman

    Some of you have seen my previous postings on this ongoing battle I am having for the heart and soul of my loved ones, a battle now focused on my 13-yearold. Here is part two.

    * See Theocratic War Strategy at my house link below

    http://www.jehovahs-witness.com/forum/thread.asp?id=33521&site=3

    BTW in case anyone should wonder, no I'm not a nut job that wants to tell the most intimate details of their life to obtain some sick kind of satisfaction like the crazies on Jerry Springer. I'm a normal guy with a wife, 2 kids, a dog etc. however, I am publicly posting this most private information because I want people to see how absolutely horrible the real Watchtower Bible and Track Society is and the things it forces even good people to do. If I can save even one single person the horror my family has had to endure, I will die a happy man.

    My wife if far from an evil person, and I love her dearly, but unfortunately we were young, we were foolish, and we joined a CULT thinking it was Christianity. We raised our two children in this cult and that is all they ever knew. I smartened up a bit and realize the Watchtower for what it really is, she has not.

    In the interim her elderly and now somewhat ill parents have moved in with us. Not that I mind them living with us, but they too will be affected by whatever happens with our marriage. And speaking of marriage, mine has lasted more then twenty years but may be going down in flames as the Watchtower Cult drives us apart.

    I received a lot of good suggestions from many posters, even from some who have gone through this type of thing before. For better or worse I have taken some action. I have worked out a number of scenarios and have checked to see what my legal options are should it go that far. I will now share with you the letter I handed my wife yesterday before she left for the meeting. I have not heard anything back yet so I dont know what effect if any it has had.

    The names have been deleted, but its pretty much what I gave her to read. Some will think Im a jerk showing her some of my battle plan in advance, maybe I am. I am hoping she wakes up and realizes what she is doing before its too late.

    For better for worse here it is:

    (My wifes name),

    I thought putting things down in writing would be better as there is less ambiguity in the written word and less chance for emotions to flare which only serve to obscure the issue anyway. Since you by your course of actions have decided to usurp my headship in such a major way, I will point out some facts to you and the possible consequences of your continued wrong course. What you do from then on is entirely up to you.

    I have made my reasons quite clear to you previously as respects (my sons name) active participation and further indoctrination, some of which I consider to not only be anti-social (SHUNNING), but more importantly, dangerous to his health (BLOOD) in certain circumstances. I have calmly and rationally explained my position to (overseers name), your Presiding Overseer and was assured personally by him that my actions of disallowance with regard to (my son's name) subsequent participation, although not favored by him, were well within my rights.

    (My wifes name), perhaps you missed the Watchtower of August 15, 2002. The question from readers is: "what guidance do the Scriptures provide about child training when one parent is one of Jehovah's Witnesses and the other is not?"

    It contains the following paragraph:

    "However, the unbelieving husband might insist that his children practice his religion, taking them to his place of worship and giving them religious education according to his faith. Or a husband may be opposed to all religion and insist that that his children receive no religious education. As the head of the family, he is the one primarily responsible for making the decision ."

    Then again perhaps as it seems you pick and choose what rules to follow. I have no problem with that, but just dont expect me to not point out your hypocrisy.

    Anyone and everyone of your friends, many whom I consider to also be my friends have been welcome in my home and you cant truthfully state otherwise, however I do draw the line at having my rights as a parent and head of my household usurped. Perhaps someone was ignorant of my stance, but I doubt it, and even if that were true, YOU ARE NOT IGNORANT OF MY STANCE, ARE YOU?

    If anyone wishes to continue to disregard and undermine my natural roll with respect to my children, they can consider themselves no longer welcome in my home and I dont want them to have any contact with my children, or me for that matter. Should they try, things will become unpleasant quite quickly.

    And since you wont identify who has been sneaking around my back, so I can bring this matter up with them, then it is quite likely at some point in time I will likely be forced into the next level of actions necessary to preserve my parental rights.

    What has been going on is shameful, what a rotten example you and whomever you are working with is showing our son. You are showing him to disrespect his father and reject my ultimate parental authority, authority which even your own PO said he respects.

    (My wifes name), although you pretend in public you are the injured party, you and I both know you are doing something very wrong. (My wifes name), you are escalating animosity and friction over these issues, and I see nothing good coming from this.

    For everyones sake I hope you dont force my hand. My subsequent actions, although legal will be quite embarrassing for both you and me and many people connected with us as it will become VERY PUBLIC, very quickly! I hope I am not forced into such overt actions, none of which I will discuss with you prior to implementation, but that is something not under my control, it is under your control.

    And finally should you continue in this wrong course even after that, things might escalate to what would likely be a final level. Should this come to pass, you should know that I have inquired into legal actions that will need to be taken to protect my rights and that of my minor child.

    I have found a highly experienced legal team, who among their primary qualifications are their familiarity and winning track record with child welfare issues and parental rights issues in connection with teachings of the Watch Tower Bible and Tract Society, even having numerous Watchtower documents in their library often used as evidence in such court cases.

    Yes (my wifes name) I am willing to invest thousands of dollars, loose my home, in fact everything I own and my future earnings too, as my childs future and well-being is at stake. Further I am even willing to wavier custodial rights to a court appointed third party (i.e. child welfare authorities) should this become necessary to remove my minor child from an environment where he would in all likelihood be denied necessary life saving medical treatments should they ever become necessary.

    The dollar figures I have been quoted for this legal action to preserve my parental rights is to say the least substantial. Should you and/or others working on your behalf force me into such a position, and I sincerely hope you wont as I absolutely dont wish this, I will use all assets at my disposal (my wifes name), everything.

    And unfortunately this will impact on other innocent people such as your parents as there will likely be no money for a mortgage and you know what the consequences of that are dont you? And although I do not wish any Ill will to them, the safety and security of my child comesfirst and foremost above everything else.

    Lastly the financial impact on as of yet unnamed other parties involved may be substantial as I am told they too could become part of a series of legal actions.

    I have spent a long time writing this and I do not put these words down as a threat but as factually based expectations of what could and likely would happen should you decide to continue in this wrong course.

    I love you and sincerely wish no harm to come to you, however I will not let any affections I have for you override my responsibilities to the welfare of my children.

    (my name)

    Freeman

    re-edited to correct format errors

    Edited by - freeman on 2 August 2002 11:48:21

    Edited by - freeman on 2 August 2002 12:6:8

  • BeautifulGarbage
    BeautifulGarbage

    I know it can be very difficult to share such personal information with strangers. So many families are in your situation. Thank you for doing so.

    I don't like seeing any family broken up, unless it's in the best interest of the children.

    I hope your wife considers your letter carefully.

    ((((((((((Freeman))))))))))))

    Andee

  • gsx1138
    gsx1138

    Nice letter. However, as I've seen from other JW they exist in an alternate reality of their own making. It is likely your wife will either see this as persecution or laugh it off and go about sneaking around behind your back. I don't know what your kids feel about this the whole WTS thing but they may also rebel against you. My only advice is to be as cool to them as you can and hope they figure things out for themselves.

  • BONEZZ
    BONEZZ

    freeman....My sincere sympathy goes out to you. I lost my family approx 3 years ago thanks to the Brooklyn gang. My marriage of 20 years down the tubes. My daughter, an active dubbie hardly ever calls me and is very noticably uncomfortable around me since I have stopped all affiliation with the Company. The only bright spot is my son and I have gotten closer. He still attends but I think he sees the hypocrisy of it all. Don't mean to bring you down...it will get better. You do probably have some rocky times ahead and if there is anything my experience could help you with, please do not hesitate to email me. I'm in CA. I went thru the elder thing...they backed her up because she was the "spiritual head" and she was writing the checks to them. I had done nothing that warranted her getting a seperation from me but they backed her. I wrote the Brooklyn Boys and they ignored my complaints and danced away from the issue in the manner that they are so effective at doing. As so many before have discovered, fighting them on their terms is a losing battle. Good luck.

    -BONEZZ

  • Nanoprobe
    Nanoprobe

    Freeman:
    You may be right on principal. You may be right legally.
    But do you want to........ be Right or be Happy ?
    You can win this battle without bloodshed, without legal costs, without breaking up your family and still get what you want.
    How? By using the societys dreaded tactic: Gradualism Heres how it works: You find an activity your kids love. Remember the kids must love it not you.
    If it is soccer, than you buy the equipment, you pay for the lessons, you take them to practice.
    Later they start missing meetings and your wife starts complaining.
    You tell the kids their mother is worried about them and they need to go to a few meetings.
    You back her up, shes happy. The kids see her as the Heavy--- not you. They go to a few meetings now and again but so what?
    You have a great family, your kids get to see both sides and you are not the fanatic. You are not the enemy no one draws a line in the sand.
    You are happy and your family stays intact until your wife comes to her senses, too. At that point she loves you all the more for being balanced.

  • LittleToe
    LittleToe

    I can see a WTS Legal Pack will be winging it's way to your wife, as I write.

    (You do have those in the States, right?)

    I wish you well, friend, as I know (firsthand) the kind of distress this can bring to a couple. In my own situation I'm only to glad that we never had kids. My heart really goes out to you.

    Good luck, in your endeavor to keep your family together.

    Facial hair poll: http://www.jehovahs-witness.com/forum/thread.asp?id=33229&site=3

    Edited by - LittleToe on 2 August 2002 13:20:28

  • LizardSnot
    LizardSnot

    Good for you freeman!

    Very well put.

    I wish my father would have done what you are doing.

    In his defense; he was young when my mom started taking my brother and I to meetings....she threatened him with divorce if he ever tried to take us with him to church.

    I'm sure that he didnt know what to do at that point.

    ...and the "dubs" claim to be pro family *rolls eyes

    Lizard

  • TheStar
    TheStar

    Nanoprobe what great advise! I know a couple, she's a JW, he's not. He has always been support of her being a JW because he loves her (and he doesn't realize it's a cult), although he does realize their theology is crap. He's always bitten his tongue when needed and has been very support of her and allowed her to take the kids to the KH. Their 2 kids are now grown and guess what? Neither are JWs. One disfellowshipped for years and the other never baptized.

    Freeman, I'm sorry you have to be in this situation. I don't have kids but just living with my JW husband is hard enough for me. I can not imagine how much more difficult and frustrating it must be with children involved.

    I know it's difficult to be patient with these people, trust me I know. Nanoprobe is right though, the best way to keep your children out of the borg. is to be patient with the whole situation and not become the JW opposer in your children's eyes. Remember that the society teaches that Satan controls people in this way to attack JWs and be opposers. If they see you in this way, they will see the society as being correct and you could lose them in the long run.

    I can't express how much I wish not one person had to go through these kinds of things.

    I wish you the best ((((((((((((((((((((freeman))))))))))))))))). Hang in there.

  • Nanoprobe
    Nanoprobe

    Freeman:
    This is a true story of the same kind of battle you have in mind.

    A doctor and his wife in a North Dallas suburb were called on by the JWs.
    The wife started to study, the doctor did not. They had two young sons.
    The wife became a witness, the doctor threatened her with divorce unless she quit.
    She was as stubborn as a mule and would not. He was just as stubborn.
    He spent the money to battle with her to the highest decree. He won custody of the two boys. He even got child support from her.
    She married a pioneer and moved out of state. Once when she hurt her back and missed child support payments he even had her thrown in jail.
    The last time I talked to her (when she was visiting her kids & our hall) her boys were almost grown.
    And guess what? Although they had not attended meetings, and although they had rarely stayed with their mother, they were very interested in the truth.

    Today I wouldnt be surprised if those grown men were as zealous of witnesses as their mother. The doctor had had about fourteen years to convince them he was right, it looks like you have only about 3 until a judge would let your kid decide for himself.

    Who won?

    (I'm not trying to be mean to you, just let you see another side of the story. Kids HATE HATE HATE the parent that breaks up the family. I can tell you that story from personal experience )

    Edited by - nanoprobe on 2 August 2002 13:40:16

  • Faraon
    Faraon

    First of all,

    Don't put anything to her in writing.

    Take away all documents from your house (bills, paystubs, stocks, etc, and hide them, preferably out of town with a trusted friend/relative. She already probably has copies of those.

    Keep at work a diary of negative things she has done to you and your children. If you can still get magazines showing how they work to break families and make children obey the Org rather than their parents, how they are segregated from the rest of the children, etc. It will also make it harder for other JWs to see her when you are not present.

    I she moves the children from the house, run, do not walk, to the nearest judge to put a stop to her moving the children on the grounds that it will disturb their life.

    Keep the times and dates she spends preparing and taking the children to their religious activities.

    Start making a list of reasons why you should be keeping the children, and she shouldn't. Your lawyer will want one of those.

    If you haven't done so. Make your wife work, or else they will be taking a chunk of your salary for her. This will also stop her from giving away so much time to the bOrg. Start reading to your children at night, and putting them to bed, help with chores at home, do the shopping and cooking, learn the names of your children's friends, your children's clothes sizes, their favorite colors, books, etc.Take them to the pediatrician and establish a rapport with her/him. Encourage her to go to her "christian activities" but keep times of how much time she neglects the children. Think of yourself as being already separated and make yourself doing all that a one-parent family would do.

    Start creating independent thought on your children based on logic and facts. Take them to other churches, synagogs, temples, etc. or really study the bible with them to show them how contradictory it is, and why this is the basis for so many religious sects in any religion, but especially christianity.

    Never, ever, ever talk bad to your children about their mother. Make her the monster and you the victim, but not by talking bad about her. Take your children to team sports (JWs hate this). Take your children to birthday parties and celebrate their own with fanfare and plenty of gifts.Celebrate Halloween. This is fun for children.

    If she hits you, call 911 immediately. This will establish a precedent for violence. Make sure the cops follow through, and take her to court. Especially if she hits you in front of the children.

    If you paid for the house with a loan from funds you had before marriage, get a second mortgage and keep the money. They will say that you gave the loan as a gift for the marriage.

    Keep on going to meetings and tape their wacky messages. Make sure you include the name of the orator and date. You can also use these materials in court. Discuss the meetings with your children from your own point of view.If your wife is opposed to this, make a note on your diary.

    Take your wife to a marriage counselor, and your children to a therapist (preferably one with experience in cults). It will look bad for her if she refuses to go. It will be cheaper than a divorce. Always keep your cool and answer with facts.Take to the therapist hard evidence (books, magazines) to show that the WT is a danger to your family. Don't show those books to him/her in front of your wife.

    Let your wife know that all the money spent on divorce could be spent in your children's inheritance or their education.

    If the judge orders an attorney ad litem for the children, do not ramble when talking to him/her, but always focused on the children. Keep your correspondence brief. Attorneys ordered by the state are cheap but lazy, or at least it happened in my case.

    The judge may also order a psychiatrist for the whole family to make the decision. They are extremely smart people who can see through drawings and questions what the whole family is like. If by this time you have not earned the love and trust of your children. It will be very hard to get custody because if you lived surrounded by JWs, the witnesses will be stacked against you.

    If there is a breakdown, let her know that you have as much right as she does to raise your children according to their beliefs, and an amicable divorce will be best for all. One on which you will share the custody, you will let her raise the children according to her beliefs, and she will let you raise them according to yours. You can then resolve issues through a counselor or a mediator. Put this in writing.

    Show your children the silliness of the blood issue, the earlier beliefs of the WT, etc. The sites at the bottom of the page are worth exploring.

    Good

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