13 th _Apostate,
I deny any knowledge of your condition or of any plans to use my fear to destroy you. but I may know something about plans to slip a new designer drug into your coffee to make you sterile so that you won't reproduce
Damnit, Now you have done it. Don't you realize now that you'll send me into caffeine withdrawal for fear of not being able to reproduce at the tender age of 57? What will my 20 concubines do now to keep busy, if they cannot have any more children? Now I will have to get reinstated so I can reproduce in the new system of things, or join the Taliban so I can get my promised virgins in heaven after committing suicide by blowing myself in the name of Jehovah Allah in a fiery crash of a gasoline or gas tanker after destroying some infidels in select Allah hating sects, preferably in Pennsylvania or Brooklyn. Yeah, I know they said all religions other than theirs are from Satan. Allah is not Satan. They must die for desecrating his Holy name and Jihad must be declared against them.
which, incidentally, we just narrowly avoided last year by happenstance; a druggie shot up one of the local Wal-Marts and in the newspaper article he said something along the lines of "I was going to go to the library but there were closed so I went to Wal-Mart...". the druggie was a prominent doctor's son. we were closed for an in service day at the time.) I have seen things that would blast a weaker person's mind to shreds. Trust me on this. You should all fear sauerkraut and banana sandwiches. Don't ask why, just.... trust me on this.
I am telling you, you just cannot trust the hired help nowadays. Next time I will send them on an errand I will have to provide them coffee mugs. That idiot must have run out of it when I sent him to the library and went to get some to Wal-Mart, and those idiots probably had none.
Bendrr,
First and foremost: Arachnophobia. Inherited from my mom, although she is just a little worse than I am. Just once I tried to lose my fear or at least get more comfortable around those things. When Pat was living with me (whole nuther story, don't get me started) she bought a Mexican Rose Hair Tarantula. I contributed the name: Damien. As in that spooky kid in 'The Omen'. I let Damien crawl on my arm. That was the spookiest feeling in my life. This huge tarantula perched on me, and I'd swear it was staring at me in a malevolent way, walked around, and I could barely feel it.
First of all, you have to know your enemies. As I understand it, in there are only two spider species the United States capable of killing someone: the brown recluse and the black widow. I let non-lethal species them live in my house because they control some of the insect population that gets in my house. I sometimes kill an occasional daddy long legs when it fails to kill a mosquito that lands near it. As for tarantulas, we used to vacation in Cordoba, Mexico. Banana trees are full of tarantulas, which hide in its trunk. We would put our arms to the tree and let them crawl all over us. We were about 110 students, and no one ever got bitten. The trick is not to move suddenly. Their eyes are different from ours, and really have no expression. I did get stung there, however, by two wasps when I malevolently threw a stone at their nest. The pain felt like fire and had my face distorted for three days since one stung me in the eyelid and the other in the lip.
